In this relatable episode, host Jill Hart interviews Jehan Sattaur, a certified cognitive behavioral therapist, hypnotherapist, nutrition coach, and mindfulness teacher specializing in subconscious self-sabotage.
Discover more at jehansattaur.com
Find Jehan on Instagram as @JehanSattaur
Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast.
Today we have Jehan and he is here to tell us about getting to the root of self sabotage.
I'm really excited to.
Talk to you about this cause.
Really, it's the crux of the.
Problem those peoples cases.
So tell us a little bit about yourself.
You got started and.
What it's all about.
Well, you're absolutely right.
It is the crux of the problem I am Jehan Sattaur
I am a.
CTAA that's complementary therapist accreditation association.
Cognitive behavioral therapist, hypnotherapist nutrition coach.
I am also a mindfulness teacher and specialist in the area of subconscious self sabotage.
I got started because I was expert at self sabotage about 12 years ago.
Nothing that I did seemed to work out.
Every time I got somewhere, I would blow all my money or ruin my relationships or just do something that would ruin my progress and.
Through that I ran into.
A lady who's no longer with us.
She was a gym owner in Florida and I was a musician at the.
Time and I was doing well with that.
When she kind of saw that I needed additional help and she pulled me into the side and she said hey.
I want to help you.
And anything that you need, you can just let me know and you know, for me, it was pretty hard to believe because of the headspace that I was in, but I took her up on the offer and she introduced me to a lot of different works like change your thoughts, change your life by Doctor Wayne Dyer.
Suddenly, after that things started showing up for me.
All these different books on psychology and spirituality and things like that.
And I got very much into that.
And so I just started cleaning up my life from the.
Magical things happen.
I began to, as I say manifest woo manifest in all these different opportunities that I really wanted started happening and I just couldn't quite figure out what it was that had changed and that sent me on a soul searching mission to figure out exactly what happened in, you know, 12 years later.
Here I am.
It's really amazing how most of our journeys start with ourselves and like you said or sabbat, self sabotaging is like.
everybody kind of starts there, even if it's a health problem, you're sabotaging your own health by what you eat or whether you exercise or not it all really comes back down to that.
core thing you're doing.
Even your thoughts.
I mean you can, you can have really negative thoughts all day long and that's self sabotaging yourself cause it's not hurting anybody else.
It's just hurting you.
So that's why this is.
So interesting to me because it is, it is really the basis for.
For really making progress, I.
When you were.
You were starting to make changes and you recognized that.
How did that impact your life?
I mean, had you talked about things magically changing, but.
In looking back, do you see how?
The progress went.
Well, first of all, things didn't magically change when you are a chronic self sabotager.
Someone can be telling you something or giving you the right information, or you could be doing the right thing at the right time and you don't see it because you're consumed with self sabotaging patterns, right, you're.
Your subconscious mind is in control of all of that and.
What I realized was that I just couldn't quite see what it was that had changed and that forced me to ask different questions.
People that I have ever met me in this work, they don't.
Really have that capacity yet and I say yet to realize that they're making the choices that they're making for a reason.
And they don't ask that question.
OK, now what is it that I am actually doing here?
What am I not seeing?
I guess that.
Was true for me as well.
I really didn't.
See what was happening.
In and around me, most importantly in me, and I wasn't yet ready to accept responsibility for the power of choice.
So I guess I would sum it up with that.
You know my choices and my ability to become aware of my choices even like you said, choices of thought.
Started coming to the surface and very smartly, I decided to think differently and act differently, and it was hard.
You know, it always is hard.
It it's hard in the beginning, but it does get easier.
I think it's like it's like learning any new skill.
Everybody starts at the beginning and you're not very.
Good at it.
But you keep working that muscle and then it just becomes who you are instead of.
That person that you were.
And especially around thoughts because we don't really think about what we think about unless we're conscious of thinking about what we're thinking about.
And just thinking about things that move.
You towards what?
You want instead of what you don't want.
Leave space for what you want to happen, right?
As opposed to.
We call the things we don't want to us by thinking about them all.
And we like to point the finger.
I know that first hand we would point the finger at things that.
You know, we were doing, we found ourselves in those situations.
And that's usually how it works for us on this planet.
You know, we end up in a bad situation.
We don't have the mental fortitude, the strength to even wrap our minds around the idea that everything that we have right now in this terrible moment is because we repetitively.
Thought that thing or we were exposed to it repetitively.
And so it just plays out.
The hardest part about the whole thing that I found.
It's like in.
The first year of working with people.
I really came to understand how unprepared I was.
It didn't matter how much work I'd done on myself, I was very much unprepared to hold space for other people.
To listen to what they were saying without judgment, to even understand 99% of the time, the situations they've been in because that's unique to them.
And I would never really, truly know, right.
So I had to learn all of those skills on the fly.
And I realized that people genuinely just don't know how to do the things that they don't know how to do.
They genuinely don't, and oftentimes, you know this, this entire sentence is gonna be cliches because you don't see the picture when you're in the frame, when you have a subconscious pattern that's coming from the 95% of you that just wants to keep you safe and what it thinks is happy.
And so you don't see that you're messing up your whole life or messing up opportunities with people, your relationships, your work life, spending all your money.
It doesn't look like it to you, so how could you ever work backwards and see that when it's just an automatic faculty of the brain?
How could you ever do?
That so it's difficult, you know, empathize with anybody that's self sabotaging.
Because you're potentially losing everything that you have and you have no clue where to begin, you can't see it.
Even if somebody told you like a regular life coach came along and told you were doing it, unless they were willing to really go there with you.
It's difficult so.
I have to.
Catch a glimpse at some point, don't you think?
I think that they do, and I think that because there's emotion attached to it that 20 seconds of emotion that's attached to something, it blocks that person from having that self realizing moment.
And it's important because.
Even if you didn't act on that.
You would still mentally grow in a different direction that eventually it would change, but most people just want to put their hands up and scream and say no, I can't deal with this right now, so they turn on the TV or they go have a drink or stick some cake in their mouth or something.
You know, I'm not taking a dig at people, but this is what we do.
We soothe our emotions with other things.
We love to avoid and distract from our internal world, when in reality our internal world is the outer world.
Yeah, it's the decisions we make. It's the thoughts we have. It's what creates our reality for us. We're, we're the some, we are at the point at any given moment, it's the sum of the decisions we've made-up to that point. If we want to go somewhere else.
They have to make different decisions, but most people get trapped in decisions and think that change can't really happen for them or they want change to happen.
But they really have no idea how to change their thoughts.
Or to change the decisions that they're making or lack the courage maybe to.
Make the decisions to.
Get help or.
Or really explore different options.
I think yeah.
And also as well, like every behavior behind it, there is a positive reward even if the result is bad.
And so that makes it even worse when you're trying to change something because you don't always see the payoff.
And it can be challenging.
It can be more than challenging.
It can be devastating.
Sometimes just trying to change patterns on your own.
And if you don't have someone like us that can coach you through it and just be the mirror in the room.
It can be difficult breaking things that to somebody else might seem simple.
You talk about increasing happiness and difficult situations on your website.
They're scooping it out now.
Talk about that a little bit because I think sometimes people just get trapped in, in negative thoughts and negative emotions and, you know, call it depression and anxiety and.
Yeah, all these different labels for everyday normal experiences.
And we not only get too much into that aspect of things, but that's a part of the conditioning on planet Earth.
If you think something and it makes you feel unhappy, something's wrong with you and it's kind of used against us.
Because we have this internal faculty, we all have mental filters that we pass information through.
And one of them just so happens to be there's there must be something wrong with me.
And so when something happens.
What do we do?
Our internal faculty that makes us want to self regulate and solve the problem becomes maladaptive.
We point the finger at ourselves and we say OK, something is wrong with me.
I'm defective and.
That isn't even.
I wish I could say that that's coming from childhood trauma or something simple.
It's not a lot of stuff that happens to people.
You search them and then not a thing happened in their childhood that they can remember.
That was terrible.
Nothing in their subconscious is sounding like it was traumatic either.
And so you just kind of have to leave that alone and realize that it's something that they're doing right now.
It's a choice that they're actively making right now for another reason.
Apart from all of that and so.
One when a person wants to create happiness, it has to be a commitment.
Because if you've ever noticed, we never say ohh I'm so traumatized, because yesterday I just laughed so hard.
I was so happy.
We never do that, right.
I love that.
I love that.
And so dealing with negative automatic thoughts has to.
It has to be an ongoing process for the rest of your life that you commit to where you say, OK, if I want to be better every day of my life, I have to be willing to question every thought that comes into my head, find out what's the reason that it's there.
Is it a meaning that I assigned to something?
Is it my expectation?
Is there any motion accompanying this?
OK, so whatever is, I'm triggered by, the outcome is obviously some emotion.
What do I believe about this?
And you have to live that way forever.
Till the day I die.
And what people don't realize is that even though that sounds intimidating, it really isn't because it creates.
A depth to your mind where it's like moving from a smaller room into a much bigger room and then eventually you're in an arena somewhere and you have a lot of space to move around and there's not so much happening in your head that it gets easier and easier and easier.
Of course, there's some brain chemistry that's happening there with the neurons and stuff.
The clusters of neurons.
It's more than just that it becomes a part of you that it's very actually it's actually very hard to.
Change that once you begin, because you just feel good and you want to turn up the volume on grateful thoughts and joyful thoughts and turn on the volume on garbage.
Yeah, it doesn't serve you and you start to look at things that you're thinking about.
Yeah, everybody still gets caught.
The once in a while in, in a negative thought pattern because you know we're human and we're all.
That when you get in that and you recognize, hey, I'm thinking about this makes me feel bad.
That if I'm thinking about another person.
It's not affecting them.
Because I'm not telling them about it.
The only person that's being injured by this thought is me.
And it's and it's more than just what's going on in your head as far as the thought, it actually causes a physical reaction in your body when you have negative thoughts and it it's so important to get control of what you're thinking about.
Like people talk about the things.
Old people like to talk about.
All the things.
That ail them.
You know when.
You just you're.
Speaking illness over yourself and it, it's.
You're not going to heal from that perspective.
And you can.
I've seen some pretty miraculous changes just because people believed something else to be true about themselves.
Yep, that's the way it works.
You just have to swap one thing out for the other.
And stay focused on it, because if.
You if you.
Start like yeah.
Waver. You're gonna fall.
But you can.
Practice and it's not like you're gonna get it right all the time, but as you.
Yeah, you're right.
You're not going to get it right all the time.
And usually those things are where you have to come see the self sabotage coach or go to your local hypnotherapist or something, because that means that it's not a pattern that you can repro.
Gram simply by repetition.
There's not enough of a reward there for you to do it.
It's too painful and usually that means that there's language in the subconscious that has a no or a yes after it.
When you execute a certain thing and a lot of people get sick because it's not safe for them to let go, so the program is literally I.
I am not safe to let go, so they're hanging on.
You know, they got neck pain shoulder.
Pain, a kidney, or something's going wrong.
And it turns out that that's what it is and has nothing to do with what they were eating.
They changed their diet to a completely healthy diet.
It was something in their subconscious that they weren't even aware of, because it's not gonna come up like that.
It's not gonna come up explicitly.
It's not safe for me to let go, you know?
It could be anything.
When it comes to the mind, it could be anything when it comes to healing a physical body part or something.
And it's important that.
People know at this time in humanities development that all these other options are available, that there's people that understand this rather than have to get on the hamster wheel.
Of labeling at your local doctor's office you mean?
Yeah, you filled in just right for me.
I'm usually much more aggressive, but I'm just trying to dial it back for this one.
There's no need.
I think doctors are really great if you've.
Broken something and you need something put back together.
But beyond that, I think they're pretty much useless.
Across the board.
Their paradigm has.
The whole paradigm.
Of healing has shifted so much with the advent of coaches who can.
Really dig into what is causing this problem and times it's not.
It's not just a random physical thing like you could have a stomach ache, A chronic stomach ache, and you go to the doctor a million times and he'll tell you it's all in your head.
Well, in some ways.
I think he's right that it's all in your head, but it's.
It's he doesn't give you any.
Tools to actually get it out of your head.
And that's, I think where coaching comes in.
Yeah, you gotta love it because.
The things have changed in reality so much, and yet the majority of us just live in old paradigms that are all about fueling the monetary system, essentially.
I call it the medical industrial complex.
Yeah, the medical industrial complex.
That's essentially what it's all about, you know, and.
I think that the best thing that people can do is ask better questions.
Learn to ask better questions when anything happens.
You just ask yourself, you know, for what purpose am I thinking this?
And you wait for an answer.
You might feel any emotion question that too.
It'll only take a few seconds for you to get over that emotion.
It doesn't mean that you have to.
Stop in your seat right now and, you know, have a whole breakthrough and you gotta get the tissues out and all that it.
It doesn't have to come down to that, but if you can get yourself thinking slightly differently than you did.
Man, it makes just so much more of a difference than if you just ignored it and moved on.
How does your working with you look when your clients come along?
Working with me.
How does that look?
It looks messy I usually.
I love it.
I usually start my clients off with one lesson.
Where we get to know each other, we get to know each other's values because a lot of people are walking around making choices that are not their own or making choices that are bad for them or people pleasing or other things. Self sabotaging in some other way or they are not.
Where the extent of their choices, because they don't know what their values are.
And if a person doesn't have?
Their values that they can rattle off a list of at least their top three values.
They're living life in an incredibly disempowered way because they're getting pulled in every direction except for the direction that they really want to go.
So I usually start there and.
Then we address what are the areas in their lives that are difficult?
What do they keep messing up?
If you want to lose weight, your relationships.
Luck is your health suck.
What's going on for you?
What's your biggest challenge?
And we try to figure out, you know, in very small bites, because if you try to change everything all at once, that person is accustom self sabotaging.
So what do you think they're going to do when they try to change all that?
Trying to figure out what is the real problem and it doesn't.
It always happen in a day.
It doesn't always happen in two or three sessions.
Sometimes you get let down the garden path and you think, OK, this is what's going on and it's really something else you find out that.
Something else in their environment, I don't know if you've heard any.
Of my other.
Interviews I talk about the TV and stuff like that, where those things influence us as well, and we don't even realize cause it's normal, quote UN quote normal in society, but the subconscious doesn't know the difference between what's on the TV and what you thought about, right? So
So people do things that.
End up actually being out of their control and really what they need to do is to turn.
Off the TV.
That's why they call it programming, because it programs you.
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
So who's your ideal client?
How would somebody?
Know that they should work with you.
Someone will know that they need to work with me when nothing is going right in their lives.
Even if it was at some point, it's not anymore.
And no matter what they do to change it, it's just not happening.
Do you focus on any one group of people or are you just like pretty much?
If you're feeling stuck and you're noticing that things aren't going the way you want them to in life.
Let's find out if I can actually help you.
Because some people are not in a state of receptivity yet to actually make the changes, their desire to change is not greater than their desire to stay the same.
So I have to kind of figure out what I can do for you.
And there's still some things that we can do.
About that, to get you ready.
To move yourself forward and you know, move the needle a.
The majority of my clients are actually women.
There's very few men are stepping up to the plate and changing themselves, at least as far as.
I can see.
And I think there's a lot of stigma around that that women are just like.
I'm finding out who I.
Am I got a purpose and I gotta get this all?
All this junk sort of out first.
Yeah, yeah, I think.
I'm hoping that the guys will catch on.
They just like they're distracted by wife.
Life can get hectic and they feel driven to do certain things and when they get older perhaps they can slow down enough to say.
Was that really big?
I'm inspired by some of the younger generation like I have a daughter who's 19 and her boyfriend's like 20 ish and they're.
They are so in tune with what they want in life and how they want their life to go, and they they're not driven by money like at all.
They don't lack for anything.
And they just they have such a great.
Presence when you're around them, they're really fun people.
But they're not like party people.
They're just people that have different interests and they don't feel the need to have to.
Work their life away, which I think happens to so many people.
They just get stuck in.
This career mold and.
You just like.
I have to do all of these things and then the self sabotaging starts because you're like trying to anesthetize yourself on your off time because you're so miserable.
While you're working.
Well, you just hit the nail on the head right there.
Self sabotage and for the most part is a byproduct of inculturation.
And that's what the culture says.
You know, we have to work hard until we're ready to retire, and then we die after that, you know, essentially.
Yeah, you shouldn't friend the television and die.
And when you're when you're talking about kids, not just kids, there are people who have somehow escaped that that they don't follow the money trail and they don't follow what society does.
And that's because they're more in tune with what their spirit wants.
And the reason why they lack for nothing is because to spirit, there is no lack.
I have five kids and she's the youngest.
And she's just like.
Suzanne probably cause she's been doing.
Karate since she was like 5 and there karate is more.
Reality, like from a energy perspective rather than a.
A societal perspective?
It's she's just grown into this amazing human being.
I couldn't be more proud of her.
The human she's become.
Well, that's great to hear.
That sounds like she's a really nice young lady.
She really is.
But sweet as the day is on.
Stories like that give me hope.
She's just doing so well.
So what's the one thing that you would like?
To leave the audience with today.
Give yourself grace and try to understand that if you're wanting to create something for yourself and it's not working out, there's something that you cannot see and you need to go talk to someone that can help you see and figure out.
What exactly it is you need to change?
And be willing and open to make those changes, because you're the only person that suffers.
Yeah, for sure.
And how can people get in?
Touch with you.
You can find me on Instagram at Jehan Sattaur. That's JEHANSATTAUR you can also e-mail me directly at self sabotage info at proton dot me.
And we'll put those links in the description of the show.
Thank you so much Jehan for coming on and chatting with us about this.
You've just been, like, so inspirational in a lot of ways.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you for having me on.