Shauna Jenks – Find Joy in Adversity and Curate Your Dream Life

Transcript

Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast.

Today we're speaking with Shauna Jenks

Jake is that.

Jenks, yeah.

OK.

OK.

The great girl and founder of the this girl tried.

That's right.

She's here to tell us about unleashing the power of your grit factor and use your adversities as a catalyst for curating a life you love to live.

Thank you for joining us.

I'm really looking forward to hearing all about this grit stuff.

And you were telling me beforehand that you have a different definition.

For grit.

So why don't we start?

There, and I think the rest of the show will just kind of flow from there.

Perfect.

Well, thank you so much for having me on today.

I'm excited to get to share this.

And yeah, I do.

I do have a different definition for grit.

I think, as I shared with you earlier, I think grit, it's really become a trendy term.

It's something that you hear thrown a lot thrown around a lot in the.

world today and you know, as you were mentioning grit, you know, grit is the thing that molds something.

It sharpens something into what it's meant to be, you know?

Think of a Pearl.

It's for that as a grain of sand.

It's a piece of grit that's molded and shaped into this beautiful thing at the end well.

I actually look at grit as more of a Kingdom term, so let me explain to you what I mean.

By that so.

You know the way that I coach and the.

Way that I work with people it.

Truly is about mind shifts and you know mental toughness and grit.

But I feel like in a lot of instances in our world today, grit is really implemented in your life.

When you encounter a situation where.

It kind of has to be, you know, implemented.

So something comes up.

You know you're going along in life and everything is great.

And then all of a sudden you hit a speed bump, right?

Life throws you an obstacle, and now you have to prove it or pivot and redirect.

And figure out well, how are you going to, you know, manage this and you hear a lot about people talking about overcoming obstacles.

Well, I personally believe that you really you can't overcome an obstacle because the reality of it is you don't get to go around it.

You don't.

You don't get to jump over it.

You honestly just have.

To go through it and.

So for me, grit stands for God.

Is there.

Now you know, just depending on your belief systems, you can replace God with whatever your higher power is.

The point is, is that if we look at grit as more of an elevated term, truly, you know it's that.

Mind shift in that perspective shift that's happening through those difficult circumstances, those that.

adversities, those obstacles.

That's really molding us and shaping us and.

So if we.

Shift our perspective and that's truly where I come in.

I help people shift their perspective so that you know, even when life isn't pretty, they can feel empowered and move through those obstacles to find the opportunities that exist within them.

To use faith as the all-encompassing, I guess if you want to call it bumper pads or the nice cushion that will catch you if you fall.

And then at the end of it, you come out, you know, feeling more confident, having greater purpose and really just having gained mental toughness and grit at the end that you can utilize at some point down the road because I think all of us know that.

Those things don't stop life keeps going.

The difficulties always happen and adversity comes your way.

And so I love coach on grit from this, from the from the stance that you don't only have to use it when.

You need to.

And so I help people help women, you know, develop a blueprint that they can utilize so that even in in, in, in a voluntary situation, maybe you want to up level your life, maybe you're maybe you're at a point in your life where you know, you set out on this career that you thought was going to make you happy.

And you're finding yourself this.

You know, thinking this isn't really.

What I what I?

Wanted, maybe you found yourself in a situation where you know you're shifting gears in a relationship or you're starting a business.

There's all sorts of ways that you know grit can become, you know, extremely beneficial.

And I think that if you have the ability to understand how to utilize it to your benefit.

Then you can now lay that blueprint over every single involuntary and voluntary diversity you face, and you come out in charge of you know what that's gonna look like and how that's going to enhance you as.

A person.

That kind of leads into the whole.

How to be miserable and happy?

I saw that on your website and I told you I was going.

To ask.

You about it.

Cause it's they're so kind of diametrically opposed to being miserable and being happy.

So tell us.

Your thoughts on that?

I'm, I'm all yours.

OK, awesome. Well.

You know, I myself have faced a lot of adversity, a lot of involuntary adversity.

You know, I was, I was in a relationship for 20 years.

We worked together for 10, married for 10, went through a pretty messy breakup and divorce and then not.

Not even a year later, I lost a sibling and ended up taking in her two kids.

And so I found myself.

In a situation where you know I was a single mom of two kids and now overnight I was a single mom.

For kids, and not just that, it was a crazy situation.

I mean, my youngest sister passed away unexpectedly.

It's not something that we prepared for.

It's not something that we were mentally or emotionally ready to handle.

And on top of all of that, two months before she passed away.

I had actually resigned from a full time career with a government contractor.

I had a nice could she awesome job, the job that everybody wants and I after my after my divorce, I realized that my life was kind of.

I was living my life basically as a means to an end.

Basically, I don't know if that makes sense, but essentially it's like I had done all these things that every that the proverbial day says will make you happy.

Totally makes sense.

Went to college, got the degree, got married, had kids, you know, built myself up into this career that that everybody said.

This is the place.

That if you work here.

You make this money, you have these benefits.

This is what's gonna make.

You have happiness in your life and I found myself absolutely miserable.

And so a couple of months prior to my sister passing away actually had resigned from this position to go do a multi level marketing company full time.

So I found myself a single mom of four kids overnight now.

Solely relying on a Commission base.

Company to provide our income and I it's not like I had, I'm not a trust fund baby.

I don't have, you know, rich parents.

I don't have a lot of friends and family. I didn't come out like a bandit out of my divorce or what it was nothing like that. Like I truly was my sole support system and it was me and God 100%.

All the way and so.

You know, for me, I had to learn in in a situation that, you know, I've been told by many.

I don't, I don't know because I know it.

I lived it.

But I've been told by many that a lot of people would have given up a lot of people wouldn't have been able.

To make it through.

It would have.

It would have completely.

Floored them in their life, but because.

Of the situation because of these children that I had been gifted with.

And I had the opportunity to try to make a difference in their life.

I didn't have.

I didn't feel like I had a choice.

Of course, I always had a choice, but I didn't feel like I had a choice.

To just stop and quit.

And as I'm sure you probably can relate to, I would imagine all of the listeners can relate to this, but when you're going through.

Turmoil in your life when your trajectory has completely shifted gears beyond anything you could have ever even comprehended, it is very difficult to keep a positive attitude.

It is very difficult to maintain that sense.

Of self worth and confidence and belief that anything can workout.

So I had to really learn how to navigate my mindset so that when those negative thoughts tried to take over and trust me in that in that year in that situation it was probably a minute by minute battle.

But I came up with the term that I coined called mental surfing.

And ultimately, and it's something that I teach my clients, but ultimately it's as you are working through this adversity as you are you know.

Working on trying to in a lot of instances overcome yourself.

You know the world is going to happen, but it's up here that you have to be attentive to.

It's super important to constantly be aware of all the positive that's happening in your life.

And so I really became a master of OK in this very second.

This thing is happening that is making me not feel good, but at the same very second.

I have this thing over here that I'm.

Very, very grateful.

Before and So what started happening and it was, it was a chore in the beginning.

It's not something that's easier for the faint of heart.

But as I continue to do it consistently over and over again, what I realized is that the stuff that was really, really difficult over here.

Wasn't actually as bad as I thought it was in my mind, if that makes any sense.

That there were actually a lot of practical and tactical things that I could do to offset that negativity, but then shifted me more onto the side of feeling like OK, maybe I can do this.

Maybe this isn't so.

So bad, maybe I can actually push through this.

And then, lo and behold, I would.

And all of a sudden I went from this state of feeling absolutely miserable to a place where, OK, for this split tiny second, I actually feel I feel happiness.

And as I have continued to implement that.

In my life.

I've you know, I've practiced it and I've tested it out.

Totally practice.

I I've, I've tested it out.

I've used it with my children.

I I've helped my fiancé do the same thing and what's amazing is that when you do that long enough, it actually stops becoming.

Happiness and it starts becoming joy and joy.

This, this, this, this.

It's deep within us.

You know, I like to say that it comes from the Holy Spirit, but again, whatever your belief system is, I believe that it's innately within us.

And a lot of times, because the world is moving so fast, and especially like everything's great when life is good, right?

Like, we don't even stop to think about anything negative.

But boy, when something gets thrown in our path and now all of a sudden we have to slow down or even come to a complete stop.

It is really easy to focus on everything bad and what I found in my own life is it's not just the bad that's happening at that second.

It is the bad that happened 10 years ago, 20 years ago now all it's all of it and now all.

Ohh, bad.

That could possibly happen later.

Of a sudden.

And so now all of a sudden I have this tremendous weight on my chest and I can't breathe.

And I'm thinking about all the worst case scenarios.

Well, you can't possibly function to be your best self.

In that situation, and so.

Being miserable and happy.

It's kind of like yin and Yang.

They just coexist.

You just have to find out how to realize which is which and how to push them together so that you can take the worst situation and really, truly make the most out of it.

And I know that sounds cliche.

But with practice and truly being mindful and present in the moment, which does, it takes a lot of training and I believe it takes somebody holding you by the hand and helping you do that and bringing you back to center.

You really can find true joy in in any circumstance.

It's just that mental shift and that perspective shift.

I think you were talking a little bit about the fear factor that happens when you get hit with stuff where you just feel like.

Ohh my gosh, I'm just gonna have.

To remember all.

Of the horrible things that have happened in the past that are possibly going to happen in the future and they're all happening right this second and when you get stuck in the fear factor.

You can't.

Make rational decisions. It's.

Just like you're.

Constantly letting your mind be bombarded with all these negative thoughts that.

Don't allow for the creative part.

Of your brain to.

Work and move you forward.

Because there's always a next.

Logical step no matter.

What is happening to you in your life?

If you can just slow down, you can see that there's a next thing that you need to do that'll move you towards.

Whatever you're trying to accomplish, but it's so easy to get stuck in fear, and I think you have seven ways to crush fear that you want to talk about that a.

Little bit cause.

I really think that it's the fear factor that that that crushes people.

That you know they.

Just get stuck in it.

It's really easy to be.

Trapped in it.

And not find your way out so.

Yes, yeah, no, 100%. And so I actually have a program called find your grit factor. It's a 90 day.

Program and.

And this is literally what we walk through for the entire 90 days is it's gaining that resilience.

It's building that mental toughness muscle, so that then, so then now we can take that now that we've strengthened it and we've built it up and we've kind of come up with this blueprint.

Your toolkit now we can launch off and we can go and actually start to really work towards accomplishing these goals.

But you're absolutely right that fear.

And again, you know, I'm not a therapist.

I'm not a counselor.

This is all just lived experience.

I have therapist and I truly believe in in all of that.

I mean, I think it's extremely beneficial to have.

In your toolkit but.

This, this, you know my lived experience has just taught me that fear for me, at least.

Has been the overarching factor that has held me back from everything I've ever wanted, and it's always been the case.

I can look back even being, you know, as young as kindergarten and I can see where fear.

Was this ugly little culprit that kept me from doing things that I really had?

You know, every ounce of ability to do.

I was just scared and a lot of that I think at least again in my personal life has come from.

It's things that have happened and in a lot of instances, not even things I had control over, things that have happened that.

Have shown me that yes, I should.

I should absolutely be afraid.

You know, maybe I got rejected when I offered up an idea on something.

Or maybe I got teased.

You know, when I when I was a little kid, I was and I was overweight, so I got teased and so reiterated the fact that, you know.

You're not.

You're not pretty enough to be out there in front of the world or.

You know, you tried your best.

You study it as hard as you could on this test or this exam in college, or even something you were doing for work.

And you did.

You put everything you could forward and then the feedback or the grade or whatever you got back was far less than what you had anticipated.

And so.

And so we have these things happen in our life, right.

And then we have evidence to back up to prove to us that, yeah, see, see, we're not capable.

See, that didn't work out.

And so then what happens is.

Now every time you set out to go do something new, all these little ugly, what ifs start creeping in and those beliefs, that belief system, those thoughts, you know, they lead to beliefs about our self beliefs about other people, beliefs about whether something is actually you know can actually happen or would actually turn out.

Beneficial for us, which leads to feelings, and ultimately that leads to action, right?

And so if we can go back to the root of where that fear is, kind of stemming from and not really.

Truly, I believe comes to being present in the moment.

It's not thinking about what happened to you in the past.

We're projecting that into the future because that's fear that stops us in our tracks.

But if we can truly be present in the moment and it's a little bit even of you know, that misery and happiness, you know, combination, if we can truly be present in the moment and like you said, in a lot of instances.

Let's just stop. Just stop.

Just do something to stop and bring yourself back to center.

Ground yourself.

Right.

And so yeah.

So I do have a complimentary gift.

I actually want to offer to your listeners.

It's called the seven ways to crush your and it is.

It's seven.

Very simple.

It's not rocket science.

That's the thing.

This isn't rocket science, but we get so caught up in our own minds and we limit ourselves.

And when it's hot.

No, no, we're not.

Aren't these tools?

No, no.

In school, when we're young, when we really.

Now how much further as a species could we be if we?

Learned some of this stuff.

Oh, absolutely.

People are stopped from being the creative, powerful human beings they were designed to be, yeah.

And I think it, you know, it's even further cemented by.

There's so much conditioning as to what happiness actually looks like.

I think there's this definition of what happiness is supposed to be.

In my personal life, it wasn't the pay checks, it wasn't the cars.

It wasn't the nice house.

It has 100% unequivocally been the memories, the amazing memories I've been able to create in those moments when I pushed fear aside, I pushed the negativity aside.

I took a minute and I stopped and I actually opened my eyes and my ears to what was around me.

Those were the moments where I truly felt joy in life.

And having the opportunity to have those little moments has just continued to propel me with my confidence with my belief system of what's capable.

You know.

Really utilizing these unique gifts and talents that I was gifted, you have them.

Everyone has them and no one.

Else has them.

They're just yours.

But if you don't know how to access them and implement them and push all this other junk aside so that you finally can.

You kind of get stuck in this place of you know, you're not living to your true self.

And I think that that's where a lot of a lot of.

Fear stems from that a lot of lack of confidence, a lot of lack of joy, a lot of this connection from the people we love the most in the world.

And I'm.

I'm on a mission to help women feel that again.

I'm on a mission to help women feel in alignment with the.

With who God created them to be?

I'm on a mission to help them find that joy and that happiness in the space that they currently stand, no matter how ugly it is, because I truly do believe that even when life isn't pretty, you can still feel beautiful and empowered.

I couldn't agree with you more.

And I think.

It's really important, especially right now, we do create our own realities and it's a matter of recognizing where you are and what your gifts are because everybody has them and everybody's gift is unique.

Like first.

There's tons of life coaches out there, there's tons of health coaches out there.

There's tons of transformational coaches out there.

There's tons of business coaches out there, but they all come at it from a different perspective and it's so fascinating.

Everybody has something unique or unique way.

Of helping the people that they're put here to help cause ultimately our job is to make somebody else's life easier and better. And if we do that to one person at a time, then the.

World gets better.

Because you know that one person.

That you help?

You're helping their whole family.

And all of the people that that families, individuals touch and it just ripples out into the universe and in that way when people stop saying it's OK to just, you know, live for the pay check in that slavery mindset where.

You're just going to live.

For the weekends or your few hours in the evening with your family.

That's not how.

We were created to live.

We were created to, to contribute.

And to.

To have that the.

Family and the community and the interactions with human beings.

That's what we're here for, not working in some office, making somebody a bunch of money.

I mean, there are people that really do enjoy.

Doing certain kinds of tasks and but they don't have to go anymore into an office and be locked in a little room without seeing the sun.

I remember when I was young I once went a whole summer without seeing the sun.

I worked when it was dark and I went home.

It was dark.

And I worked inside of this building.

It was, it was awful.

And I knew that I never wanted.

To live a life like that.

And so.

I lived on Commission most of my life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I mean, and it, you know, here's the thing.

Like I think this whole concept of grit especially, you know, elevating it to, you know, a higher level term.

If you if you love working in an office, that's fantastic.

It just it may not be for everybody, but if you love it, that's fantastic.

But the point is, you still regardless if you if you love being self-employed and that's where you find your happiness, that's great. If you love, you know, serving on mission trips or, you know, doing volunteer work, that is fantastic.

The point is, you're going to.

Of hard transitions that come up in life and some of them you, some of them you can't do anything about.

You can't control them, and some of them you actually want because you maybe in that office setting you want to rise up to a leadership level or maybe you actually want to completely shift gears and go into completely different department.

That takes mental toughness and grit.

It takes.

A level of believing in yourself that.

Goes deeper than just what you can learn.

In a.

Textbook it takes, you know it takes if you want to lunch off and go, you know, be a coach or go start your own business.

There is a level of belief in yourself that you have to implement and act on a daily basis because.

Especially being an entrepreneur, you're going to find out more about yourself than you ever dreamed possible.

Going off on your own.

And so.

But I would say even as a parent, you know if you if you've been divorced and now you're getting remarried or you're seeking to find a relationship, these are all hard transitions.

That we can find ourselves that as individuals and.

I truly believe that when you implement grit and that mental, that mental toughness, that that, that higher level of awareness of what's going on in this situation, you can make the experience so much richer.

And instead of it being something that was grueling and difficult, and that's how you remember it.

You now remember I learned so much about myself.

I gained so much inner strength.

My kids watched me rise up to be a leader, not only in in what I wanted to do for my career, but.

In our home.

My, you know, my daughters watched me get to step into this woman that is vibrant and full of joy versus exhausted and worn down and tired because.

Like you said, just living life one day at a time, and that's and.

And you're not really expecting it for anything.

And I feel like.

That truly is the premise behind you know what I teach and.

So yeah, so I have the seven ways to crush here and it's something I would absolutely love to give to your listeners.

If, if they're interested in that.

We'll definitely include that link below.

So what's the one thing that you really want the audience to take away from this conversation today?

Don't stop dreaming.

Even if life is harder than it's ever been, even if you have just come out of a season of going through a lot of difficult adversities or obstacles and you're tired, even if you have this mountain standing in front of you and you cannot for the life of you see how you're possibly going to be able to overcome it.

Just know that nothing is too big when you have faith and nothing is too big.

When you have courage, courage and confidence in yourself.

That is beautiful.

And how can people get in touch with you?

Fantastic. So you can actually visit me on my website, itsgritgirltribe.com and for my free gift, you could actually visit gitgrittycrushhere.com and I would be happy.

To send that to you.

I love that title.

Thank you so much Shawna, for joining us today.

Thank you. I appreciate it.