In this authentic episode, we meet Richard Galdieri. Richard’s mission is to assist those who are ready to change and embrace a life without alcohol, focusing on helping them find a new perspective and understanding about their relationship with alcohol.
Get in touch! Email Rick Galdieri directly
Discover more at ForwardMotion.coach
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Transcript
Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we're talking with Richard Galdieri.
That's right.
I do it right. OK, sure.
I always struggle with.
It's a mouthful.
Names. Aren't they all? Even the simple ones. I can stumble over and mutilate.
A lot of vowels.
Yeah, yeah, it's a cool.
Name though, is it Italian?
It is Italian, yes.
I love it.
Yeah, yeah.
You're all about helping people quit alcohol.
Yeah, yeah.
Like that? Tell us how you got.
Started and welcome to the show.
Yeah. Thank you for having me. So I got.
Started with the.
Drinking or the quitting the two different starting points.
Let's start with.
The drinking.
Yeah, the drinking started.
16 ish. I should I take that
Back, I think when we were younger, we would take the little 7 ouncers from my grandfather's refrigerator because they seemed like they would disappear easily. So just a curiosity.
Me and my.
Cousins and it was.
Just this, you know, thing that it was just gonna happen, right? Alcohol was just, there was no question. We were. We were gonna drink. It was just a matter of when and how quickly we could get our hands on it. So I think it was sophomore years about 16 and we got our hands on.
A bottle of Jim Beam of all things, which is.
Even to this day, grosse sounding to me. But yeah, we passed that around and finished it off. And like three of us and.
You know, ended up with our heads in the toilets and all that kind of thing and that was my illustrious start of my drinking career.
And kind of didn't look back.
From there I think it.
There was probably a little bit of a of a lull where it wasn't quite.
Drinking bottles of.
Jim Beam, but.
You know that identity was pretty ingrained in me. We had some older cousins, no brothers and sisters. So my cousins were like brothers and sisters and they were all in college or.
Almost in college.
Or, you know, higher up in high school. So the parties and the drinking was just kind of a foregone conclusion.
And so it's just more and more than anytime I could get my hands on it and do it.
It was. It was.
Just what I wanted to do and then it.
Became the defining thing I was.
The party guy.
That you know, I could.
Drink a lot, I.
Could chug a beer, whatever it.
Was it was just became.
The defining.
Aspect of me and an identity thing
All the way through college out of.
College didn't really slow down. I don't think you ever really slow down with alcohol. You build the tolerance and.
You can just drink more.
And more obviously, a lot of things in.
There that I.
Regret having done, and then it came to.
I tried quitting.
Numerous times on my own.
I'm just gonna, you know, I'm just gonna stop and I go a little while. Like what you keep hearing, right. People do this all the time. Like, quit what, month week. You know, that Super Bowl comes up, you know. Not gonna not drink there. You know, whatever the event may be, there's always some reason down the line.
For you to.
Be drinking and so.
Yeah, it was just, it was around.
It was around the winter time and I watch hockey and so they play a lot of games and so it was I had a drink at, you know, and I.
Just got to a.
Point in 2019 and I said I really got to, you know, figure something out and right around then, serendipitously, my friend gave me a book. Annie Grace. This Naked Mind. And I.
Listened to it on tape. Doing while I was doing walks, which was right around the beginning of the pandemic, and lockdowns were starting and everything I heard resonated completely and I had been really, I was really ready and it was such a different approach.
That I got, I gained what you would call instantaneous sobriety and what Annie calls, instantaneous sobriety had no relapses, if you will, or no going back and just her whole her whole process and mentality just fit with me perfectly. And. And the fact that the pandemic was.
Coming and everyone.
Was stocking up with alcohol.
Made it even.
More you know that actually motivated me to be like, that's not gonna be me because I had already had already gotten enough information and this far enough.
Down the line.
To say no.
This is it. I'm done and never look back and.
Can be around it and I have zero desire, so I think the biggest difference for me is.
The difference between.
Being, you know, struggling to not do something which means you're focusing on it.
Versus just being completely.
Indifferent to it, and I think that's what.
Annie's process in this naked mind.
Helping me do and helps many people.
Do and that's why her success.
Rate is.
So high and so.
I loved it so much I wanted to help more people experience that and get to that point and eventually.
The coaching program came along, so I took.
That and got certified as a this.
Naked mind coach.
And now as you mentioned.
I like to help people stop drinking.
That is an amazing story and it.
It's so relatable to.
Many, many people and starting, I don't know. Well, I do know even younger generations, they start drinking in high school. They think it's cool. They may get in trouble for it that they just.
They keep doing it and.
It takes a really.
Strong person in a lot of cases to just stop.
Once you start that young and your whole friend group gets involved in it, it does become your identity and everybody you know is doing that and it's like you can't imagine a life that's different than that.
Absolutely, yeah, yeah.
To the younger generation.
I have friends with kids in high school who are.
Teaching them how to do.
Showing them what they should have and how they should.
Have they're going to do it.
Anyway, so why not let them do it in the house? Or why not make sure you know in this controlled.
Environment or let them know where their limits are and things like that, and I took the opposite approach with my kids and then I have one.
In college and one in high school. And then the middle one and.
None of them.
Drink. They just. I mean, they my son. He's a college kid, I.
Mean he'll. He will from time.
To time, but he's usually the designated driver. He's.
I just don't really have a desire and I don't. I never told him he couldn't, but I just tried to give him the facts and.
And show him.
What it does and explain some things that.
Getting into too much detail about my own life that hopefully resonated with them, but very, very proud of them, for, you know, not just doing it because I told them not to. But they're just, yeah, they're just not big into it.
So and.
There is a group of people that.
Are not big drinkers. I'm seeing now like in college. I didn't know anybody that wasn't a complete nut.
So it's nice to see that.
That exists. Yeah, there is a balance for some people. Not everybody. And usually if you start out young and you're around, everybody who are luscious.
You're going to end up.
From my own personal experience, my ex brother-in-law died of alcoholism. I mean, he's his liver was blown out. He used to drink like a.
The big.
Is that 1/5?
Handle. I don't know how much it is.
But a handle? Yeah, the big one.
Yeah, two days and Pepsi.
And you know, Pepsi itself, if you drink that much Pepsi, it'll kill you. It's that bad for you. But to add alcohol on top of that.
Right.
He died when he was maybe 40 and he was not that old.
Sorry to hear that.
My ex brother-in-law.
Lost 3/4 of his.
Liver and he only drank beer. I mean, he never.
Drank harder alcohol.
Watched my mom, who's struggled with psoriasis. I mean, we're talking like she looked like a burn victim, bad psoriasis wouldn't quit drinking and probably if she'd just given up the alcohol.
She would have.
She'd be alive now. I mean, just like.
The things and lengths people will go to.
Hang on to something that doesn't even.
Give you that.
My ex-husband he's divorced because alcohol is just like he wouldn't give it up.
And it made him.
It's crazy.
Excused behavior that was really bad.
He did finally quit. He quit about, I don't know, 15 years ago now.
Yeah, 15 years ago now, he's been sober this whole time. And great guy. Really love going to see him and our families.
Are weird because.
Blended I I'm so proud of him that he did it and he's stuck to it and he's got a great relationship with.
Right.
His one son's daughters having.
She's got her own challenges.
She's a great gal to really, really trying, but.
You know alcohol just.
It destroys it destroys anything.
That's really good in your.
Yeah, yeah. And it can and.
Can doesn't happen to but.
The more when you come to the other side, if you will and I hate to call.
It side because it sounds you know.
Caustic, almost. But when you when you see it.
From another perspective.
Let's say that.
From a non drinkers perspective, you start seeing the pervasiveness of drinking in society.
And even though something is so detrimental to you physically and mentally and your health, it just be it's so accepted and so acceptable that people just can't imagine another life without it. And that's where they and then it is an addictive substance and it's a poison. So you're addicted to poison.
And it's accepted. May not see it all the.
Time it's.
You would get more question I get.
More questions when I say I don't.
Drink than if I said I drink.
Whereas if I said I.
Do heroin. Everyone would think I was crazy. And if I told them I quit heroin, they would praise.
Me, but I'd do it the other.
Way in alcohol and it's the complete opposite. So it's that there's really a big societal factor that's slowly but surely turning. I mean there's a lot of celebrities and big high profile people that have quit and become more acceptable to be alcohol free. Thankfully I think it's I think it's a great time.
For it, and I think Annie again, Annie's method is just phenomenal and getting people there. So I'm sorry to hear about the folks you've lost and I think a lot.
Of us have that.
Good friend of.
Mine same thing. Handle a day.
Big guy, but a full handle of day. But there's house was littered and he was found by himself in the bathroom. I mean, just terrible, terrible stuff happens. So yeah, it's.
Yeah, it's just.
And like.
Why? Why subject yourself to that to.
I do drink wine.
Not like that.
And some people can. I was not.
That guy I was not.
A1 beer.
Guy couldn't do it. I mean, I tried numerous times. I can't have one.
And I think it was Mark Twain maybe said it one of those little crazy dudes with the furry mustaches said. You.
Have a drink then the.
Drink has a drink. Another drink has you.
Or something like that, but that.
Was totally true of me I'd have.
One, and you know you're drinking something.
And you start out the night with, like, I'm gonna be responsible. I'm not gonna drink too much. I'm not gonna drive. And then you have a drink of something that.
Completely destroys your sense of.
Of right and wrong and judgment. And then you're supposed to hold on to.
These you know.
Clear choices that were obviously the right choices to make in the beginning, but you're slowly.
Dwindling those down and we've all seen the person who can barely stand up saying they're fine to.
Drive it's just.
It it's a bad substance.
I mean, there's no question about it.
Not good, not healthy. But again, some people listen. Some my wife can have a wine and be totally fine with one glass.
Right.
And good for her, you.
Know I don't. I don't mind it. I don't care if anybody.
Else is drinking but I.
Just I can't.
Do it. I'm like that. I can have a glass of wine and enjoy it with a meal and be good.
But I have lots.
Of rules around alcohol, it's just like you drink any alcohol during the day and you are not driving anywhere all day. So.
Right.
It's just like.
And it's a hard, fast rule for me, I.
And I won't let anybody that I'm with.
Drink and then drive. It's like.
Right.
That's good.
It's weird.
So yeah that I want to.
I want to clarify this though.
Just like quit entirely. It's kind of silly.
Right, right. But I say I can't do that, but it's not that I can't and I struggle to not do that. I can't do it. Meaning I've tried that. It didn't work for me, but I'm actually in a place where I have absolutely no desire.
There and you could wave it under.
My nose and.
Again, this is to Annie's credit.
It's become an indifference.
So, you know, always say hate is not the.
Opposite of love.
Had a client who's one of her major issues.
Was going through a breakup.
And really, really hated.
The guy and I said, you know, you're
Still putting.
A very strong emotional amount of energy into this.
Person, even though it seems like hate is OK and it's not love, I'm like it's just the other side of it, but it's still not indifference and you need indifference if you ever want to move past it. And I got to that in different parts. So yeah, I say I can't do that when I you know about having a single drink. But I don't. I don't.
Even want to have absolutely no desire so.
Slight distinction there and it's you know.
My role is easy, I just.
Big distinction actually.
Don't need it. Yeah, it is. It is.
A lot of people think hate is the opposite of love, but it is an indifference is.
But yeah, there's.
Right.
It's way more cruel when it.
100%.
Comes to people too.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, if you.
Don't care about someone, they'll be much more.
Upset with you?
But yeah, it's.
It it's been just fascinating and amazing and I you.
Know I didn't have.
To count the days I.
Looked into A and.
That just wasn't my style at all, because.
I think a while.
It helps people and if it helps and works for somebody great.
But I think it's very much about making.
You wrong and making.
You the problem?
When in actuality.
It's the substance is the problem, not you. Yes, you made the decision to try it, but from there it's the substance and it's the societal pressures and a lot of other things that make it.
And not to pass blame.
It's glamorous. I mean, it's on TV.
But you're not a bad.
Person. Yeah. You're not about, you know what? So again, now you see things from other perspective. I watch kids. So I still have a young kid, a child. And now, since I've quit, you know, watching all these cartoons and almost every.
You know Disney, Pixar, you name the big studios. There's alcohol in every everyone of those movies at some point, and it's always made to look cool or as a way to connect with people. Or so it's from a very.
Young age we're.
Being taught that this is how you act as.
An adult. And so it's just.
When you see that.
You know, I remember when I first started watching, like old movies, when I had little kids and seeing, like, the content, me and the and the language that was being.
Used when I was watching these.
Movies from the 70s.
And 80s I'm pretty.
Old and I was like oh.
My God, I.
Can't show my.
Kids, you know, and I didn't.
Realize it then. So you start seeing these things and.
Yeah, alcohol is. It's extremely pervasive and they start.
You young, I know when I was.
I want to say I was not even in high school yet, or maybe I must have been in high school because my cousin was already there and we.
Had Budweiser sheets.
He somehow found sheets for our bed that were Budweiser and my pillow was the label. And to this day I can stay. The whole thing on the label of a Budweiser beer. Like I memorized it before I was.
16 I mean.
How crazy is that?
My parents.
I mean, I guess you can't stop the selection.
Laugh that I learned to walk to a Johnny Rock Red label beer.
Can they thought it was.
And they used to think it was funny when the kids would go around and drink out of the adult glasses.
When they're babies.
Yeah, yeah.
Parties that they were having.
Yeah, I know it. I know it.
You know, hopefully it's changing. I know my grandfather.
When he was a kid, they used.
To prescribe cigarettes. So.
Hopefully we're turning the corner.
Hopefully we're. We've moved.
Past that, it's good and it's OK, but.
It's still out there.
And I hope they don't go to soda pop as like an alternative because that is.
Yeah, right. Right.
Just as bad.
I mean, I've seen people quit drinking.
Beer. And then they're suddenly guzzling you.
Know 6 packs of soda.
Right, yeah.
That'll kill you too.
That's really bad stuff. Yeah, really bad.
And Sugar's pretty addictive.
It's just another addictive substance out there.
Just another addictive substance, yeah.
I think you can drive better on.
Sugar. But other than that, it's very bad.
Yeah, up until the part where you have a.
Some right. Exactly right.
Heart attack.
Going to diabetic coma.
So yeah, that's my.
My journey thus far, and it continues. But yeah, the best part is.
My I had one client say they had, you know, contemplated suicide and.
I've had others that.
Have just, you know, had breakthroughs that they couldn't make for years, that I've helped them with. And I'm just there to help. I don't take a lot of credit for that. My goal and the coaching is to help people see stuff from a different perspective because I think.
A lot of times in old Grateful Dead lyric actually is once in a while you get shown the light and the strangest the places. If you look at it right and.
So I've always.
Carried that with me, that it's the perspective is really.
What it's all about and so.
I just try and help people get to a different.
One use a lot of analogies for that.
That's a noble, noble course you've chosen.
And I know this isn't even your day.
OK.
Job it's something totally different.
That's right, the day job is #1.
Because that does pay the.
Bills. But yeah, when Annie's coaching came? I.
I was I jumped at.
The chance because I've been asking like I.
Said and it.
Was more of a coach as a, as a.
Career and well, I love that idea.
I truly did just want to kind of help people, but there are expenses in doing that and so.
Yeah, I don't. I don't look at it.
As something I.
Don't want to have.
The pressure of like I've got to go make.
Money out of coaching and so that.
I like being in that place where?
I'm just helping people that are ready.
To be helped and come to me and.
Want to do it? Yeah.
So how would somebody?
Know if they were like ready to do what you're talking about. How could how could?
That's the test.
I think you know you have these.
These rock bottoms, I call them that. It does always have to be a rock bottom, but there's always that moment.
And not the moment when.
You wake up.
And you're hungover. And I never want to do this again. But if you're really questioning alcohol and.
What kind of role you wanted?
To play in your.
Life then I.
Think that's enough? I think. Then you have to explore.
What's out there? And I think I think a great place to start is, is Annie Grace's book this naked mind. She's, she comes at it from a very common.
Passionate perspective and it she's just it's a fantastic way to get and I think by the end of.
That book, you'll know.
For sure. And you can and.
I listened to it. I.
Didn't read it. I'm a.
Good reader, but that one I.
Happen to listen to but.
Yeah, I think that's really it. It's.
You do have to have some.
Desire. It can't just be like.
Oh, I got a DUI.
I need to quit right?
That's never going to work if you don't really want it, want it question and change so.
There's kind of a coachability.
There. Right. Do you have?
The desire to.
Change and the and the desire.
To learn something new and to and to.
Get outside your comfort zone, and the more you can be coachable and teachable in that way, then the more open you'll be to these concepts because your subconscious mind will just fight the things that Anna's talking.
About like.
But no, I do need to have.
It at the Super Bowl and you.
Know all these things that we've been we've been.
I don't want to say taught, but that that's been ingrained in these beliefs we've conjured up, yeah, they come up and you're subconscious just wants to argue.
It comes up.
With it, and so you have.
To be ready to do a little battle.
And there's tools for doing that.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, there's a lot.
Of them, depending on the situation I mean.
Think the biggest one is.
Really self compassion to be honest and just being able to say, oh, you know that it's OK, you're not broken. You're not wrong. You're not a bad person because you do this once. You can. You can do that. You can sort of.
You can sort of detach a little bit and step back, and I think that's a big piece of it too. It's kind of more of a stoic type philosophy, but to be able.
To look.
At this from a third party, third person perspective and just take a look at things from a factual perspective instead of being really emotionally engaged.
In it and so that's why that morning after there's an emotional I don't want to drink, but if you're questioning in your head and you feel like you're open to exploring the possibility, then you can you can be a little detached from and be like, yeah, that is. I do see that now and.
Be open and curious to hear a concept and then.
Go out and take a look and see if it is. I think it was Seneca, if I'm not mistaken it was said it takes.
Is an educated.
Mind that can hear a fact and choose.
Not to accept it.
Something along those lines but kind of the opposite of that is to be able to hear something and then go out and see. Is that true? Is it true for me?
Those kind of.
Things really can, but that that's where.
You'll know like. Yeah, I think I'm.
Ready to explore?
I have like all these questions.
So how does?
That work.
Yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot to it.
And you know, and he's got a process for it. She calls it the path. And there's an act.
In there and you know, lots of little acronyms, but it's really just breaking down.
The belief and the thoughts that you have around that belief and questioning.
Them, you know, is it?
True. Is it true for?
Me, which is Brené Brown type of process. But yeah you have. So you want to jump into what I how I feel about beliefs.
And identities and things like that.
So I look at a belief as a as.
As a cycle of emotions, feelings, and thoughts, but the emotions and the feelings are on the subconscious level. And that's like our, you know, monkey brain or our ape brain or whatever you want to call it. But that's the instinctual stuff, right? Because you and then the.
Thought will come based on that.
A lot of people think you.
Have the thought and then you.
Have the feeling I think it comes the other way around and the.
The way I.
The way I explained that is if you know you were in the jungle and you saw a lion come around the corner, you would feel a lot more things before you would think anything, right? You're instantaneously. Your body would go ice cold, you would freeze, right? You have a lot more of the feeling and emotion before the thought comes. Then the thought is do I run? Do I not run right?
Then you start thinking about it and so.
As humans, we have that extra frontal lobe that.
That gets our thinking and so.
The only way to change the subconscious is to use our only tool, which is the conscious mind.
Or the liminal.
Thoughts so.
When you have this constant thought pattern and belief pattern or should say thought emotion, feeling pattern that becomes a belief and something that you then start acting on without thinking about it. And when you tie a bunch of these beliefs together, you.
Create a whole identity.
And So what Annie's you know the identity is I'm a drinker. But then you have all these beliefs around it that support that and hold it up. And so and these processes that take these little beliefs and cut those anchors off.
So you can kind of turn that ship and.
Make a change to the actual belief and you do that limitedly or with your mind of when you hear those beliefs coming up, you have to argue with your.
Subconscious and say no, that's not true.
Because it's a conscious mind is designed to.
Protect you even though.
The things that's.
Keeping you doing are harmful, like drinking, right? I mean, the folks that you talk about that drink themselves to death, there's subconscious mind really thinks they're protecting them from.
And so they did. I don't want to do this. The mix of consciousness say, yeah, but this is how we this is how we stay safe and it's really hard to break out of that if you're not really cognitively looking at it and working on it. And that's the whole process of coaching is trying to determine what it like. I have my clients write down when that thing pops into the head write down that.
Because then you can just start arguing against that thought, because later on you'll look at that and be like, yeah, but that's not true. And sometimes we do it right in the moment, but sometimes it takes a while, and then you start and then every time that thought comes up and you can argue it eventually your subconscious mind goes OK, that's not what we think. What?
Do we?
Think right? It's subconscious is taking your direction.
But once it's in there and it's ingrained in it's belief.
You have to, you know, you're in that rut. You've gotta break those synapses and whatever else you gotta.
Break out of it.
And so that's the process we go.
Through. So it's different for everyone I.
Mean a?
Lot of similarities and a lot of things.
That are, you know.
Common with people and.
And where they're at, but that's.
That's the basic process.
Is it like a where you just like?
This is the last string. I'm never doing this again. How is it? How is it different in that?
Not at all.
Yeah. So completely opposite with Annie's process. She the first part of that path that I mentioned is pause. So, and it's not pause drinking, it's pause, not drinking.
So if you're saying I want to.
Stop drinking and you.
Don't want to drink? What are you thinking?
I don't want to drink. I don't want to drink. I can't drink at this time. I can't drink at that year. All you're thinking about is not drinking, right? It's like you break up with someone. You hate them all. You think about they did this?
They did that, they.
Did that? They're taking your entire consuming every moment of your.
Thought so when?
You're trying to quit and you don't.
Have the tools. You're.
Just consuming your day with thoughts.
Of alcohol, that's almost impossible.
It's a it's impossible to withstand to withhold, which is why a has a terrible.
That's a bad word to use. They don't have a great they don't have a great success rate. And also why?
You know where self compassion comes in, but it's also when you're in that state you you're not open. So what I just said that you have to be open and curious and teachable and coachable. You're not open.
And coachable when you're just fixated on the.
Thing that.
You can't have. It's like wanting to lose weight and sticking a chuckle cake in front of your face and walking around with it all day and saying I can't have it. Can't have it again.
What do you think about all day? You're gonna start thinking about your health. You're gonna start thinking about. Gee, I should go to the gym or the gym would be really good. Or, you know, look at.
What this could do?
For my heart, no. All you.
Think about is that cake? So that to.
Me is the biggest difference in why when I looked into very briefly.
Yeah, I was like, I didn't know why, but I knew it wasn't for me. And then when I.
Saw Annie. I was.
Like, oh, that's exactly the difference. So the.
Pause is stop trying.
To quit. So in her first whole section.
Where she's going through all of the.
Revealing all these lies that we've told ourselves and all the lies that the media tells us about alcohol and drinking and all these false beliefs.
She doesn't want.
You. I mean, listen, if you're not drinking, great.
She's not encouraging, but don't.
Really, just don't say I can't have a drink during this because.
Then you can't be.
Open to hear that.
And if you are open to hear that, then.
You say, OK, that makes sense. Let me hear more. Let.
Me hear more. And then, as you hear more, you go.
That's it. I get it. Yeah.
And then it's much easier.
And that's why some people listen to that book.
As I did and it's continuous.
Sobriety. I.
Mean I before I was even done with that. I was like, I have absolutely.
No desire. I'm never going back. I.
Knew that for a fact and I never had.
Never was a long time. It's been.
Almost four years.
That's powerful.
Powerful. Yeah, very powerful. I quit smoking twice.
It's been over 40 years since I've smoked, but I.
That's amazing.
It it's kind of the same process. It's like you don't. In fact there was a commercial about it in the 80s. You know, you didn't, didn't you didn't start smoking like overnight. You had to practice because.
Anybody that's ever smoked knows that you don't just, like, start smoking.
You have to try to smoke because.
Right.
And then and then when?
And quit. You know, some people can just quit, but it's helpful if there's some mitigating factor in there that makes you really not want to smoke. Like I got pregnant and I couldn't even be around cigarette smoke. I was.
Going to throw up.
Right.
And help me a lot much easier.
But the second time was harder because you just had to like, not.
Do the things.
For me, I.
Had to not be around the things that made me want to smoke. Like I quit drinking coffee and I quit drinking.
Alcohol for a while.
The truth is, yeah.
Because those were triggers for me.
And I quit hanging around people.
That help too.
That's big too. That's big too. Yeah, those are. And those are those are great ways to do it. And to do it on your own is tough. So kudos to you. It doesn't matter how many times you quit, as long as you did it.
Yeah, you just.
Keep you keep quitting and.
Yeah, I used to. I used to chew. I used to chew tobacco because which is gross habit, but I did that in college and I played baseball, so that was kind of a thing in other sports.
Then eventually it sticks.
UM, and you know that one I wound up with got a little store and that was.
Like that was.
Easy for me. I'm just like dumb and I called Turkey bad thing but.
Yeah, it's. But I was around people doing it.
That one was a little bit harder so.
That wasn't an.
I mean, cold, Turkey said. I was not going to do it. I did have a couple of.
Times where I went back and then one time and I'm like.
Why was ever doing this?
The first place it was a very short period of time, so I guess the cold Turkey maybe is a little overstated, but that's a that's those are difficult things to do, but again it comes to like.
You have that you either have that.
Like that you could consider that a rock bottom right? I saw like a lip thing. And I'm like, I could lose my lip. Like that was enough to.
Say, whoa, so sometimes you have.
Those rock bottoms and sometimes they're virtual rock.
Bottoms or they're?
Not actual rock bottoms like.
For me and.
This didn't even do it for me, I.
Was I was.
Out with the.
The kids and I, luckily.
Did not have a drink, but I thought about having a.
Drink before I.
Went out. We wound up having an accident and I was like, if I had had that.
Drink like it would.
Have been my fault, even though it totally wasn't there would have been catastrophic so.
That was one of those that just woke me up at night after night. Being like, Oh my God, had I not made that this thing got, I made that right decision. But had I made a different one, it could have.
Been drastically different so.
You know, those are the kind.
Of moments that you know that.
Can get you get that momentum started?
Yeah, the tobacco is a tough one. Tobacco is a tough one.
Very addictive.
And alcohol's the same way.
It's just the slippery.
Slope that you start down, it makes you feel good and you think I'm. I'm just gonna.
Have one.
And you're having fun with your friends. And then it turns into two, and then you're hound.
Right. Yeah. And then the underlying.
Thing that you said there and this is so true and it was true for me, and it's true for so many people, is you started out because it's cool and it makes you fit in.
So what what's the reason for that? Like we?
Say that when we stop there.
But you got to go. Why? And that's because you don't. You don't have that self-confidence, let's say or you have that.
Self doubt or you have that?
That need to for validation from other people.
And so a lot.
Of what we work on isn't alcohol, it's that.
Right. Those are the. Those are the underlying things. I mean there's any talked about 3 levels. There's the substance, there's society and there's self. Substance is obvious. Alcohol is bad for you. It's the stuff we put in our cars, you know, the ethanol at.
The gas.
Pump is the exact.
Same product you know. Then there's the social. That's what we talked about. It's everywhere. I mean, you can't get away from it, but then the.
Stealth are the what are the? That's where you really get to dig in.
Because that's.
The reasons why.
You did it in the 1st place, which is the reason why.
That belief started.
And that's you got to get to the bottom of that rut to help get out of it, but those.
Then those are usually very similar reasons for everyone.
Usually you know in some form or another.
And she's not.
It's that it's that need to fit in.
It's interesting that it's coming around. I mean, we've known for decades that alcohol causes massive problems, and I remember in the 70s and 80s when mad started mothers against drunk drivers and.
When I was young, it was not uncommon.
For everyone to be driving around drunk, I mean adults, just.
Didn't think anything.
About it and you know, I look back and I say adults, but they were like in their.
20s and 30s. Right, right, right.
But you know, they pile all the kids in the car and.
There were no seat belts.
Their idea of a child seat when I was a kid was this flimsy.
Aluminum thing and they stuck on the front seat or they put you in the back on the on the dash and the back dash underneath the window because it was more.
Right, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
Yeah, I my.
Seat was the armrest.
As a kid, you know, sitting next to.
Dad. Yeah. Yeah, and.
Not thinking and drinking or not drinking, that's where.
I sat.
No seat belt, no.
Nothing. Yeah. And drinking beer in.
The car, I mean.
Yeah, yeah.
She's one for the road.
That was legal. Like, not that.
Long ago, in certain places, I'm out in Colorado.
Yeah, you could have open containers, not.
The driver when I moved here.
But yeah, it's not.
As far back as it should be, yeah.
Ohio was the same way.
There was drunk, there was drive through liquor stores.
We have.
Those, yeah.
It's just crazy.
I'm glad to see that things are shifting in the world. I am not a big fan of telling people what they have to do or what they can and can't do, but it's nice to see people stepping up like you that are providing alternative solutions and an alternatives.
That don't require just, you know.
Suck it up and.
Do it right. Just wait.
That was the motto in the.
Old days. Suck it up.
Right.
or What you really couldn't say today
Be a man.
Right. That was the one who used to get a lot.
Yeah, even if you're a woman.
Yeah, right. Man up, man up, woman.
Man up.
Yeah. And you know, that doesn't really work very, very often. And people sometimes they would just give up because it was just like it's just it's so hard and I'm all by myself and it's everywhere. And I don't really know what to do. And I keep trying and I keep failing and there's no encouragement and there's no.
I think now we've got a lot more clarity about understanding how trauma affects us in life and everybody has some traumatic thing that they've gone through because you know, life.
Right, right. Yeah.
It is, but we're never.
Taught how to how to cope with that or how to deal with that.
Or how to get the
Lesson out of the trauma
That we probably came here to.
Learn so.
Yeah, yeah. The problem with that man up is.
You're basically telling someone that they.
Should be able to.
Do it and then when they try and it's too hard and they don't, what do you do? What happens then? That's.
Your subconscious has reinforced that belief that you're no good. You suck. You can't do this. You're crap. You're whatever the whatever.
The you know.
And mantras.
The track that.
You play in your head you just reinforced.
It with another round and another round.
Of it so.
Yeah, that's it. Always has the opposite effect.
Yeah, but.
We're moving into a new world.
Yeah, let's hope we're doing what
We can. I feel it. I, you know, I talk to people like.
You every day and it's.
Just so inspiring that.
You know, change can be had and you know you change one person. What you did for your family is huge. When you touch another person's life, that family will change too and you know.
Person to person ripples out.
That was that was the goal, was if I could help one other person get.
To where I am.
I'd be considered a great success and then I kind of got that and I was like, OK, now I want to do it as.
Many times as I can again.
Do it over.
And over because it not like feels good, but it just to see that person feel better is amazing.
Through the door
And the impact that they have on their family and their friends and their relationships and even on strangers because they quit drinking, maybe that person that they would have killed in a car accident didn't die.
Right.
Right.
Yeah. Yeah. It's a positive ripple effect out there, right?
You're sending. You're sending.
The good waves out and everything is connected. So yeah, I try and have the butterfly effect on the on the positive note out there in my mind when I when I think about that.
Yeah, yeah.
Pretty amazing so.
How do people get in touch with you?
You can go on the website on my website, forward motion dot Coach and uh. There's a link on there and you can set up a introductory meeting and we can talk about coaching if that's something you want to do or my e-mail, which is just rich at forward motion dot coach, those are probably.
The easiest ways.
Perfect. We'll put.
Those in the show notes and what's the thing that you really want the audience to take away from this conversation today?
Thank you.
I'd really love for people.
To take away the concept.
Of self compassion and just being a little.
Easier on ourselves all the time and.
Being a little more curious.
And not so locked in on what we think we know and especially around drinking. If you have any of the thoughts about, you know doing a little too much realize it's OK.
You're not broken. You're not bad. But if you're questioning it, you know whether it's me or Andy or anybody.
Else just go.
Out and try it and take.
A look at it be curious about it and see if it works for you
Awesome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It's just it's been an maybe a life changing conversation for me, so thank you.
Thank you. That's fun.
Great. That's awesome. I love it.