Leslie Rochelle – Executive Leadership Coach – Boundaries – Leaders & Supporting Corporate Women

Audio file

Transcript

All right, Leslie, welcome to the show.

It's so nice to have you here.

Tell us all about yourself.

What you doing? We are.

Thank you very much.

I'm really happy to be here.

My name is Leslie Rochelle, and I'm a leadership alignment coach Slash mentor as well as a consultant for businesses looking to add processes to their to their buses.

This is as well.

I've been really doing this.

For it feels like forever.

To be honest, it does.

And you know, I spent 15 years within the corporate environment within the oil and gas industry.

So I was one of the first visible female leaders.

I was actually the first visible female leader at her site location.

And I didn't have the footsteps to follow in and I went through my own challenges, really getting to that to that place where I needed to be and then really being that resource for the other women that were coming up behind me as well.

You know, and you know, really getting into that leadership space or and that coaching and mentoring space was really to help the earlier version of myself because I I'm the one that buys into the if you have knowledge and somebody is willing to receive it and would like to to have it, I will give it to you if you're not interested then.

You won't have that conversation, however, if.

I don't believe that.

You know, if I've had a hard time with something that you should have a hard time with it too.

I mean, that's why we have mentors.

That's why we have coaches in our lives to make those.

Transitions easier it.

Shortens up the learning curve.

It does. It does.

You're gonna pay for it by buying the information, or you're going to pay for it in time by trying to figure it out.

And usually it's more expensive when.

You do the ladder.

Ohh my goodness it.

I had a I call it my come to Jesus moment that I had really had for myself being in that space where.

I came into this heavily male dominated space.

Trying to figure out.

You know how I was to show up in this space and I got to the point where I was putting everything into my career, into my job, that I came home, and I was absolutely gutted, exhausted and really knew that something needed something needed to change.

You know, my son was really young.

At that time, I mean, he still is.

However, really, you know, when he was just a little baby, it was just a matter.

I don't have anything left to give here, and I knew that that and something needed to change, so this is really where that whole personal develop.

And the responsibility and accountability really came in for myself, and understanding that when I am good everything around me.

Is good as well.

So giving that I guess that that self-care piece to myself is really the thing that allowed me to really thrive instead of.

Simply surviving because at that point in time I was just surviving, just trying to trying to get through that space.

Boundaries hunters are the thing that the.

I'm old, so you know.

When I say that boundaries are a new thing to me it's like.

When I discovered what they were and how important they are in our lives, it changed my whole life.

It does it absolutely.

It absolutely does.

Because when you can actually put up these things and it's not like we want to be kind and we all want to be kind to ourselves first and foremost.

We have to.

Make sure that we are good if we want to be good for other people.

And when we have the opportunity to say no to something, it means that we're saying yes.

To something else.

And that yes, is usually.

So when we get to put up those boundaries, it really creates a more harmonious aspect to your life as well.

It makes it easier for.

Other people to deal with you too.

Because they know where the line is drawn.

And and you can just reinforce it and you don't have to be nasty about it.

It's just like, well, remember how we said that this is the boundary?

Well, this is the boundary.

You're welcome to come up to the fence.

I may wait for you, but I, unless I'm standing on that fence.

We're not having the conversation.

And, you know, people will bounce up on our boundaries there as well too, because they want to know how far that they can get.

And the only person that's going to allow that that line to be crossed is ourselves.

So when we can, you know, teach people how to treat us and what is acceptable and what's not acceptable.

That ends up being a lot easier when you know everybody knows the rules to your game, even if they need to be told a couple of different times in a different way so that they get a real clear.

Understanding of what that is.

And like I said, it doesn't have to be nasty yet for the longest time I thought boundaries were.

Like you just, you're just trying.

To keep me out.

But it's, you know.

I'm just trying to show you how to interact with me in a healthy way for both of us.

There's a saying that, you know, treat others how you would like to be treated, which is absolutely and speak to other people how you would like to be spoken to, which is absolutely false.

You want to treat other people how they like to be treated, and you want to treat other people how they like to be spoken to as well too.

So really kind of meeting them where their needs are, not just expecting everybody to come to you that way.

So once you know better then you do better and then you end up having better conversations and.

Relationships with people as well.

Right. So boundaries, really.

Help everybody in the in the conversation or in the community because everybody knows how to interact with other people.

We used to have manners.

And manners were designed to make society relatable.

You knew what was expected of you at any given time, but since manners have kind of like slid by the wayside, we now have this thing called boundaries, and boundaries are just a way to express.

Individually, how to how we want to be interacted with, but how others?

If you can recognize boundaries for yourself, you start to look for the boundaries of other people so that.

So that you.

Can interact with them better.

Interesting sociological development over time.

All, do you?

Who's your ideal client?

Let's go there.

My ideal client is.

A business owner or somebody that's within corporate that is looking to really.

Align with the most powerful leader that they have within them, knowing that they can't be anybody else. They can use other people's cues.

They can take some of those ideas and try to make them their own.

However, we're each here for our own purpose.

We're each here for our own message that we're going to be providing and when we can.

You know, when I get to work with somebody that's in that space of, I want to explore what that.

Looks like it they ended up they end up becoming a more powerful leader because of it.

So whether they're looking from that leadership perspective of leading their lives or whether they are in an environment where they have people reporting to them, then it is really a matter of how to how do I align my leadership style with my values.

And how it is that I want to show up in the world as well.

Do you did you help them with their careers specifically, are you?

Aiming for people that are in like male dominated careers like you were.

How does that look?

Not not specifically.

However, if it's somebody that does want to be able to know how to navigate that that landscape, whilst it, you know, bringing forward their individuality.

That they have and not really trying to be another one of the guys, right.

And really for for the women, it's really important that we find that.

Beautiful balance between the masculine and feminine energies and knowing where we can, where we need to be at any given time so that we aren't depleting ourselves because what happened to me in in my space is I was.

I was a doer.

We were planning.

I had a team.

That was that.

To to myself and we were just doing and producing and it depleted me all together.

So once I figured out how to bring in those extra pieces is when really the the team as well as myself because they go hand in hand.

That really started to thrive within that space.

And then I came, I inherited.

Yeah, broken team.

And so we had to do lots of fixes within that team.

And when I was able to show up as my best self, we then created a dream team that other people were like.

I want to be on your team.

Can I cross train with people on your team because they knew?

Who that I legitimately cared about them as a human being, and when you can do that and you can provide that space of I see you.

I hear you and I've created an environment that I'm inviting you into the conversation.

Your team will always perform better for you.

They will always give you more by default because they know you.

Chair and it it.

It just kind of it's when you can get that recipe when you can figure out what that recipe is for your, for your team.

It's really beautiful, beautiful thing to have.

That's I'm I'm going to say amazing, but I'm just sitting here thinking, man, how many corporations wouldn't benefit from having you speak to their teams?

To their team leaders.

I agree. Bring them all.

There's ways to do that.

We'll talk about that later.

But I I wow.

I have goosebumps.

Because it's it's such a necessary skill.

So lacking in most of corporate America, corporations are.

In the world.

Agreed it it is still heavily. You know, when we look at the leadership landscape, you're lucky if you get into an organization that has 25% women in leadership positions.

So you know when that there was this old way of doing things and it was more about being a manager or a supervisor.

And a leader is something completely different.

It's really in a class of its own, and when you get to be in that leadership space, when you get to inspire other people to become the best versions of themselves while you become the best version of yourself.

Well, kind of leading that, that, that vision and that mission that, that company has, your company will always do better for you.

Your attrition will l go down because people are going to stay a lot of people when they leave companies, they're leaving them because they just don't want to be there.

They don't like the environment that they're in and it really is.

It really is a.

Behavioral change as to what that what that leadership space really does look like.

It is not simply about telling people what to do or keeping track of the tasks that they have.

When you do that, when you have that model, you just.

You miss so much, I believe, and this is really.

Why I have this podcast?

That everybody has a unique gift that.

They're given to like.

Help the rest of the world.

And when you try to just, like cram people into a a square peg in a round hole example.

It it just doesn't.

Work because you're not taking advantage of that unique skill.

You're not learning what that unique skill is.

That you probably hired this person to bring to the team, but you just want them to do it your way without thinking outside the box and letting them express what their thoughts are and that this kind of the synergy of all of the thoughts of each of the individuals coming together coming such.

A huge difference because we're all involved in creation.

And it's going to get creative.

But if you just want a task done, you.

What we made them for?

Have a have a checklist and one of the things that I.

Find a little.

Disheartening within corporations and with those within those larger corporations, are they promote somebody because they're really good at their job?

So maybe they're that.

Subject Matter expert there.

That's me within their area.

They have no idea how to lead people.

So they're really setting the whole team up, including that leader to fail when they don't provide them with the appropriate training and mentorship and programs to teach them how to lead.

Because it's not just simply about, hey, we're having a morning meeting, this is what we're doing today.

However, I do see that.

Being a detriment because if I'm going.

To have somebody within my team that I am promoting into a managerial position, I need that person who is really good with people because that skill set they can learn right when you're looking at those interpersonal skills.

This is these are the people that you want to be able to put into those people leadership roles.

Because you have experts to do the tasks they're experts in those tasks.

You don't need another expert within that higher level leadership role.

If you're looking at a technical expert or a technical leader, that's something different.

They can be a resource.

However, when you're looking to lead people for the greater benefit.

Of the whole.

To really be able to cast that vision and create that sense of belonging, which is what everybody wants.

You will end up having so much better relationships as well as production within your company.

I I agree.

It's it's interesting watching.

The shift it will happen.

It can't not happen.

Eventually, corporations will figure out that you can't just keep promoting people.

The Peter principal it's been around forever to their level of incompetence.

And then they get stuck in the level of incompetence rather than just.

Compensating them for getting better at doing that thing that they do so well and leave them there just but just keep giving them more money as their experience and their ability to contribute.

Adds to the.

Yeah, your stream should kind of be equal, right?

So that that that leadership position shouldn't just be because I want to make more money or I want to have more.

That's an ego driven thing usually that way.

Though in corporations.

Right.

Whereas if you have the your two streams to say, OK, here's the people side of things.

And here's the technical.

Side of things so you can both.

And say grow with a group, grow with the company, right, and be able and be able to have those higher levels of pay rates as well as the accolades, whatever it is that that you're looking for instead of just saying this is the only way to get there you.

Have to get.

Into a leadership position.

When that happens, it really creates some competition.

That's not amazing.

To be around.

Right within the within that space.

However, if your leader doesn't know that and your leader hasn't been able to mentor and provide you with valuable feedback to help you grow, then you that person just simply doesn't know.

Right, they they only know what they know unless they have that, that person that's able to say OK.

Hey, here's I'd love to be able to provide you with some feedback on this, and it might you must.

Be providing the.

Good as well as the not so good like the more of those corrective actions as well too.

I care about.

You enough to talk to you about this and say this is something that needs to change and so many people are so.

Afraid of giving that?

Back, but they just shy away from it.

However, it's really at a detriment to themselves as well as the individual, because the individual has no idea.

Goes back to boundaries again, that's.

Right, you know.

This is this is what I expect of you and I'm I would like to hear what you.

Expect from us.

And you do you work together.

Yeah, leadership is, is, you know, when you look at the coaching space.

It is a relationship coaching space, so leadership is really all about building your network, building relationships, building the relationships with you, with your team as well.

And when you know how to do that, then there's going to be a lot more opportunities for you as well.

So that you can then not be afraid.

Right to do your succession planning so that you can provide that guidance for somebody else coming up within your organization, cause you have other goals that you want to be able.

To achieve as well.

Right.

And it's finding the people that really want to do that rather than just.

Promoting somebody into that place because they're there or they feel like they've put in the time.

So they earned it.

Those are some bad that's a bad recipe.

Yeah, it's terrible recipe.

I think it happens in the coaching space sometimes when people just want clients so badly that they're just like, they're not.

Looking for what's helping the client so much as.

They're just needing to have.

Some reassurance that they're they have value of themselves.

And it's that matter of is it something?

Am I, am I teaching it because it's something that I simply want to teach or am I teaching and guiding someone because it's what they need?

They can be two very different things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And speaking to the people that really need what you have to offer is also really important.

In the whole.

Message that you're giving.

What's your biggest struggle?

What's the thing that you wish you could?

Change like wave your magic wand.

Well, there's some things I find that within, you know, that marketing space is.

Some people say you know, just talk about the pain points about, you know what?

How somebody is feeling.

And I'm like, but that's I want to talk about the good stuff versus just about, you know.

Life could be better if you just stopped doing.

This and started.

Doing this and really being able to say, here's the vision, and here's the light of what life could really could look like and not some of the piece.

Or, you know, randomly dm strangers.

Knowing that there is an ulterior motive associated with it, you know.

Everybody's gotten those friend requests and then two minutes later, somebody's in your in your DM's trying to get on a call with you about something. It's that that I find a little disheartening and it's.

Again, with that ulterior motive behind it, it's not something that I like to be able to do, so it's.

Matter of providing that communication, I have a belief that I'm energetically connected to those who will learn the best from me.

You will have yours. The next person's going to have theirs. And so it's really finding that that right recipe that works that really works for me.

Is probably, you know.

And being in alignment with who you are and what feels good to you versus having to do all these entrepreneurial things that.

Probably the biggest struggle.

I think we were talking about it before like.

But didn't become a coach so that I could be an entrepreneur and have to.

Like make money.

And I mean if you're not, if you're in the entrepreneurial space, it's there.

Is this this desire that you have that there is going to be some financial necessity in order to help facilitate?

To be able to facilitate that, but doing it in a way that actually feels good, I think is really, really, really important because I can. I can always tell when somebody's reaching.

To me that what, what their motives really are.

They're not just sending me a message to simply send me a message to get to know me at all.

It's really a matter of, you know, jump into my this and jump into my that and download this and whatever it's like, do I need it?

I don't even you don't even know if I need it because.

You haven't even.

Asked me any questions, so again it's about that relationship development.

And talking to the people that really can benefit from what you're doing rather than just.

Like randomly talking to strangers who you have no idea.

One of the things that I actually found coming into this space is.

I see leadership in a very different view than many other people will see it, and there's a lot of business owners and entrepreneurs who don't even resonate with the word leadership.

And to me, it's, well, you're, you're leading your life as well as you are leading your business.

You're leading your company, you're leading your coaching, whatever that.

However, it's the term leadership.

It gets often confused with management or supervisory or something like that.

So that's one of the pieces that dictatorship.

Yeah, we don't like those.

They're not the same.

They are absolutely, absolutely not the same.

And I think it's something that we see within our own, you know, our own personal lives.

We see it, you know, with different people.

Sometimes it's family.

We see it within our communities, we see it within our organizations.

We see it within our governments really as well too so.

You know, being in that in that leadership space with that, you know, I like to call it that soul LED leadership area is about doing the right thing and it's not doing the right thing for you.

It's doing the right thing.

For the whole right, and sometimes you have to.

It's more like shepherding rather than.

Then the the real the.

Commonly used phrase of leadership.

That that presupposes that you're in front, but shepherds generally are in the back.

Pushing the block.

And that's kind of goes to the concept of leaders eat last by Simon Sinek.

So that's a really great book for anybody who's actually looking to, you know, have their next read on leadership itself.

And some people confuse authority with leadership.

You can be in a in an authoritative position does not by default make.

You a leader.

Right.

And people tend or to the dictator side because they're very poor leaders and it's just easier to say, do this instead of.

Let's look at.

The Group of solutions that we can all come up with and see how they could work together to create something really beautiful rather than just.

Your vision that we have really caught a hold of apparently.

That's right. And there's.

Yeah. And there's there, there's a lot of fear associated to that as well too. It's like, you know, when you're asking for other people's opinion, never give yours first.

That will cut.

Off the conversation.

So you're always want to ask, you know, especially within your team environment, if you're looking for that innovation piece, ask everybody else first before you actually provide them with what you think is is a really great solution cause you may have changed your mind four times within that conversation.

However, you do have to create that space.

That allows people to feel comfortable to be able to provide you with that feedback all at the same time.

Yeah, and safe space with within the group, because sometimes people are like.

My idea is the only idea.

No, it's not.

It's one idea of all of these ideas that are here.

That's right at, yeah.

Let's hear the wall.

Ask ask questions and it's the leaders responsibility to facilitate that.

So there's not that one person that speaks all the time and doesn't allow anybody else into that conversation because you can be the type of leader that.

We'll tell people what to do and they're going to do that they're not doing.

Or you can be the one that actually says, hey, let's do you want to explore a little bit more in this area, really care about what they do?

Have those conversations.

They will always give you more by default.

They'll give you.

More when you when you say I believe in you and you know.

Maybe you are the one that is actually breathing that belief into them.

They will always give you more when you, when you.

Were there to.

Who again to be able to be that motivator for them to become a better version of themselves by default, always, always will give you more.

Works with kids too.

It does, yeah.

And asking their opinions and.

Really listening to what they have to say and I've.

Learned so much from my it's just doing that.

And never ask why.

Ever remove the question?

Why from your vocabulary the why question tends to put people on the defensive, so you're going to really limit the type of conversation and the ideas generated within that conversation.

So always open it up with instead of.

Why did you do that?

How did you come to that conclusion?

There's a different energy that's really associated to it.

That why is I'm closed whereas the you know.

How did you come to that decision?

What was your decision making process?

You know, what were the factors that?

Led you to that.

You're going to have a lot better conversation than you.

Will if you.

Just ask why'd you do that?

And what was the story that?

Led to that experience.

How did we get in this situation?

Tell me a little.

As the police.

Bit more about.

Officer is knocking on my bedroom door.

In the morning.

With my son in tow.

Tell me more about this, I'm curious.

I'll save it for another time.

I don't want to embarrass myself.

Who just became a father and.

I reminded him of that.

Yeah, they always wish they had the, you know, you as a child again.

Right.

But many you.

Yeah, kind of how it goes.

What is the one thing?

That you would like to leave our audience with.

And I'm going to leave with, you know, just going off the last little bit that we said there about curiosity, really look at, you know, where you currently are at and get curious about where you're at and where you where it is that you would like to go.

We can get to know somebody else by asking them a million questions, and we're often afraid to ask those same questions to ourselves.

Because we don't know what that we may not know what the answer is or we're afraid of what, that that outcome or that response will be.

So do gift yourselves with the opportunity of really asking yourself some really great.

Eight thought provoking questions that allow you to really feel into.

You know, where am I?

At right now you know.

Am I satisfied with where I'm at right now?

Is there something else that I want?

What it is, you know, what is it that I want?

What are the reasons behind that so that you can find that goal that you can that you can work towards that?

And be that North Star for you have some goal within your life, even if it's a small goal that you consider a small goal so that you are working towards something.

There's a greater purpose and a path for each and every one of us, so it's a matter of, of feeling into and finding.

Out what yours is.

That's so beautiful.

So how can people get in?

Touch with you.

The easiest, best way to get in touch with.

Me is simply to use the contact form on their website.

I get that quicker than I get any of the other ones because the rest can get a little messy, so using the contact form is the best way.

To get a hold of me.

Perfect.

And we'll put the link for that in the show notes below.

Thank you so.

Much for joining us, Leslie, it's been great chatting with you.

Thank you very much.

I've had a.

Great time here today.