Jocelyn Parkhurst – Navigating Neurodiversity and Self-Discovery

Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we are joined by Jocelyn Parkhurst. Jocelyn is a neurodiverse.

Energy and spirituality luminary, innovator in learning and author and she’s.

Written some really interesting books. I would really want to talk to you about that GAL that was with the Pinkertons that you wrote Incognito. I may go get that.

To read it.

Just like your description.

Of it's like.

Wow, that is so cool. I love history. I love stuff like that. That's just so different.

So welcome to the show we were talking beforehand.

I know I.

Know we've got we saying so many things like we gotta start recording this. This is awesome. No thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate it very.

Much, yeah, yeah. This is going to be so cool. I.

Loved hearing about your hair and how you take care.

Of it, she's got dreadlocks locks, and they're gorgeous and just like, so super cool. They're her Celtic knots.

I can so.

Relate to that. So tell us all about you. Jocelyn, how did you get started? We're talking about, you know, bucking the trends. And I love your neurodiverse, not neurodivergent.

That's right. I yeah, I actually, yeah. Well, I grew up down in Manhattan Beach, CA, little tiny surf town. That's what it was back then sixty years ago.

And I was a young girl that just wanted to love people and who spoke the truth. And in doing both of those it created fear in other people. And then I felt that fear and I didn't understand it, especially as a young girl. And it also got me into.

I like it.

Positions where I was sexually abused as a child and then, you know, just the difficulties of just regularly grew, you know, growing up and everything I then.

For whatever reason, I found myself in an an abusive marriage for 13 years. We have two beautiful children from that marriage. I also have my my first son that was from a previous marriage. Basically I had him when I was 20, so I have that, you know, growing up as a single parent and all of this and then an abusive.

Marriage and then being single again. Yeah, it was. He left me for another person, which was like, thank you. I'm free. But it was still killed me at the same time. It was like all these different emotions and.

Stuff and it took me 8 years to be able to traverse that path and at that time, you know, I in my early 20s I I started following Buddhism and became part of a Buddhist organization. And so you know that I utilized those tools from Buddhism to really start to, you know, understand myself more.

Got into academia? Really, because I was in this abuse of marriage and I said to myself, this is mid. This is the early 90s. I have three kids.

It's I'm an abusive marriage. Where's my where's my power? Basically, I said at that time where's my power? And so I went and I went back to school. At that time, I had only had a GED, and I was just struggling, struggling. So I went back to school and I got first. My associates in political science. And then my bachelors. And then my masters. And then my PhD.

And during that time in the abuse of marriage and then out of the abuse of marriage and then raising my kids by myself, so big roller coaster of all kinds of experiences and things and doing all of this.

And and exploring myself, working at different colleges and universities, and then just getting into then the marriage that I had just recently, beautiful man, I saw him differently than many other people saw him. And he had beautiful three beautiful kids. I had my kids it we had it.

It was beautiful, but.

I was afraid to love.

I was afraid there was always this war and he was too. He was. He was. We were both, you know, these scared little kids trying to love and raise these kids together. And it was just like, you know, we were always kind of like trying to say what we wanted but not really, you know? And and he never talked anyways. And then my previous.

Marriage. You always talked. And so it was kind of this refreshing thing. But then I never tried to get him to talk either. So eventually I we're we're sitting here. And I remember this day. So clear.

That he is getting ready. He is well couple days before that. A few days before that he he was just been getting drunk and all this and I and if I said what's wrong and he said I.

Want out? Just like.

That you know, and I was like, of course, I knew things weren't perfect, but that just it. It blew me away. And so a couple days later, he's getting ready and his truck to go down to hang out with his sister.

For for a couple of weeks and get some work down there and all of a sudden all this love just came out of me and it's just like it's like I knew we was going away and it was like it was like.

Hitting a brick wall.

And in my heart, it was like it's too late. And so we're still traversing. That was three years ago, right before COVID. And that that this all started happening and then he moved out eventually. And we're what's beautiful is that for the most part, at the beginning there was this creation of lies that a lot of people do to in order to make that separating.

Become easier. We traversed that pretty well, you know, calling each other out on. No, that wasn't true. No, that wasn't true. And we're both. We were both. You know, we actually talked more in the in the separating than we had during the marriage. So that was.

Kind of nice and we're in a really good spot where you know, we have our house, this House of that, that I love that he wants me.

To have but I'm.

Not in a position to take over the mortgage just yet. So he's been waiting to get the divorce finalized, and dude, so he's been really cool. I've been cool. He's already with somebody else. Who is his dream thing. He's she's got two young kids.

He's always wanted to be a dad like that, right? Not the part time, Dad that's separating. Had him being. And so I love where he is. I actually now have been able to release that after it took me 3 years to be able to travel that road of.

What? You're kidding me. Break everything down. Tear it all you know, tower, you want to kick the tower out for me? Well, I'm gonna tear.

All the rest of.

It down too.

And then I'm gonna start rebuilding me up. And so as I was going through this process and I came into this coaching and learning and loving what, you know, understanding what coaching was, I was like, why don't we teach this to our kids?

When they're in school, I don't. You know, it's like I knew a lot of things from Buddhism, from having a PhD in political science and doing political psychology. I understood it. You know, Buddhism is psychology.

And then getting this from the personal development side, then having new words, being able to see it from a different direction, you know and and and being able to then you know I just loved it. And I was like, I can do this, but nothing that I did land it and nothing happened. And so I just kept doing things and learning and I'm not understanding why I was pulled in this direction.

In that direction, until I'm getting to where I am now.

Now and that is. Is that even though I love, you know, doing what I do and being who I am and and I love connecting with people, my gift is tools is creating tools as a I created as a academic I created courses and programs for places like University of Phoenix.

Ohh I'm spazzing out on my computer. Am I good with you or AM?

I spazzing out.

Your spacing is totally cool.

Max Headroom, right?

So anyways, yeah, it just it. It drew me and then I started to see where.

I you know.

I love coaches and I love teachers and I love mentors, but sometimes each of those groups kind of battle with the other ones. As to who's the best and who's not right or doing it wrong, and nobody's doing it wrong. You know, it's just, it's like, just different approaches. But for me, being able to have all this, this background in creating courses and.

Programs and then tools in those courses and programs, and then in my spirituality, I was a lay Buddhist leader and I created many tools and courses and different things and fun stuff. You know, it's all about fun. And I created simulations for these different school.

On to make understanding political science in a more real manner, if at all possible, and then of course my books I've created card decks, I've created courses, of course workshops. I you know, I can't even think of all the things, but I I came to realize it's that that's my joy. That's what makes me like.

Woo and I can see other people's work, and I can say ohh you know.

Why don't you shift this this way? Or maybe use a different word? Or what do you mean by power, right? That's such a a word used so much that we we don't even understand what that word means. Most of the time. And then and then, you know, I can see it. And then what's the fun part is I'm not often seeing it in my own work, but when I get to work with.

Somebody and I get to just like you know.

I then take it back to my work.

And I can see, oh, that's where I did that in my stuff.

So it's all it all.

Comes back to me every message I put out. Every word I put out, every video I put out. Every course, it's.

A. It's a, it's.

A early Buddhist teaching your environment reflects what's going on inside you, and so it's always just a good look. A good check to come back to self when you're seeing these things in your environment and that's.

And I just love that that beauty.

I I have to do it in bits and pieces, and that's the neurodiverse part of who I am and I love that you said not neurodivergent. I think neurodivergent. I took it on for a moment and I.

Said do I really like?

This word, and I just felt like it was another way of the DM678 whatever we are saying, you're just wrong. You're not normal.

And who wants?

To be normal anyway. That's right. I think there's. Yeah, weird and strange. And you know all that. So that's why I say diverse.

Troll people that aren't.

Normal that don't fall in with a narrow range.

People that decide that they're going to just travel out in whatever path they want to be on and don't really.

Care what's going on around them so much in, in terms of trying to get approbation for it.

Those people are really hard to control because they're not afraid of missing out on stuff. They don't care if they miss out. They've got their own.

Own thing that they're doing.

And that's all that's important. Important.

There's always more. There's always more, yeah.

But it's scary, and that's excuse me. That's the thing about being neural diverse, because I can see things from so many different perspectives because I've had to learn how to do that. I had to learn how to do micro micro expression reading, right, so that I could know when I would and it was. And then being in an abusive.

Marriage, some physical abuse, mostly psychological and emotional. But knowing in an instant if he was and and I'm I'm sorry about it. But if he was going to, if I was going to have.

But like if I could be quiet enough and and not still enough that he wasn't going to bother me. But you know, that didn't usually work.

But if I can.

See the the micro expressions you know can I be perfect today? You know? Can I do this right today? Oh, I'm not doing.

It right, maybe I should.

You know? Yeah, it's it's a lot.

That happens, but yeah, it's the it's again the neurodiverse.

Aspect of that. You know, just the way my eyes, I I see myself. I I don't look at the camera all the time. I'll be off in in different.

Places not being.

Able but I can look at people in the eyes. I can do that, right? It's a. But in doing this and and my daughter, my, my middle daughter, my middle child, she was.

Assigned male at birth, she is transgender female and she has taught me so much. Rachel has about accept.

And their and the and the community that she is a part of that I've been able to interact with is just so accepting of people just the way they are and especially people who are neuro neurodiverse, right, might have several strong personalities or entities.

Going on inside the head and which one is going to come up or they might be pulling in something from some it's it and and they're just allowing and saying, yeah, that's cool. Who am I with today? And and that has allowed me.

To say first, well, who am I then? As I let go of all this stuff and especially especially the ideas of the duality of gender, the duality of anything, there is no real duality. We create that as our in our minds, in order to be able to have some kind of meaning for this world. And so far the people who create meaning for the world I'm deciding I'm not going.

To buy into that anymore.

So I'm like.

You, you know, you start to, you know.

You when you give away those aspects of duality.

And then you start to question, OK, what is reality? What is the, you know what? What do I want to have as rules and structures? What do I not? And then as you go traverse that you feel crazy and then other people.

Think you're crazy?

And so I've had to move through this a couple of times where people seriously thought I was crazy. And then I had to stop because I thought I was crazy.

But you know it's it is allowing ourselves. I think it's there's more and more people I'm running into who are allowing of.

This and my experience with my daughter and her community has just allowed me to say I can be whoever I want you.

I don't I it's.

It's it's a huge letting go of her that her experience has allowed me to experience too.

I'm just sitting here. Going. Yep. Yep, Yep.

In my head it is. It is. There is you've hit on so many things. One is how much?

Our children teach.

Us in this.

Right. If we're open to it and just because things are different for them.

Doesn't mean that we have to have all the answers because it's different for them. We can learn from them if we would just like step back and let them lead instead of trying to push them which like.

That's the trap most parents fall into out. I'm sorry. I.

Have a puppy.

I was thinking it had to be a.

Little critter.

He's every now and then he just decides he must have my attention. And so he's over here trying.

Not to bite.

On my fingers.

That's awesome. My my my daughter has dogs. She's a groomer and she does. So we've always had animals of one kind of another. They're they're awesome. They're awesome. But, you know, I wanted to get. I'm going to take us back before I forget. I was just thinking.

That I had been the, you know, the going to the Kate Warren book that we you talked about in Incognito that I wrote and I started it about 10 years ago, and I would start it and stop, start it and stop. I would do third person. First person. I would do it from this and I could not figure out how to approach it. And then I finally kind of got it and then.

And in a lot of the other people who have written stories about her or there's been television shows and stuff like that, they over always have her enamored of Pinkerton, that she was his mistress, that she was so good at what she did, and she ** *** went on his missions with him because she she was, they were, they were lovers. And I was like.

******** on that. That's like, yeah, you only get good if you sleep with the boss. And I was like, there's nothing. Absolutely nothing in any of the historical records that there are that even indicate that. And his Pinkertons wife actually was.

A A former singer. And so she was free and liberal. I mean, it was like.

So for me it was like no dust. She dressed up sometimes as a man. She wanted to be. She wasn't really married and there's no record of her actual marriage, even though it said she was married and divorced and widowed. You know, there's like, there's nothing in there that says that I said, duh, she's a she's a lesbian woman. She doesn't want marriage. She doesn't want kids. She doesn't want any of that.

And so it was beautiful because as I as I really fell into that, especially as I did my revisions and added in more of what was going on in our mind, it allowed me my own exploration of I've always been, even though.

My family's open and and and great. I mean, I always kind of, you know, I've I've always known I'm bisexual, but I I again, that's a duality that I'm no longer I'll have in my life, but it's nothing I ever explored. Because I think there was this fear of who I.

Was supposed to.

Be, you know, get your married. Get calf, kid. I mean, I wouldn't give any of it.

Way so, but it allowed me this questioning of who am I as a woman if I don't want kids, if I don't want to be married? Who am I if I don't want all this stuff and I'm doing and then the her anxieties and I I try to bring those out. But most of it is just.

Asking people to let go of the boxes that they create about other people in this exploration of herself.

That's so fascinating. I I know there were a lot of women that lived together that they used to call them old maids, but they really weren't they they had love relationships. And I, I think in this.

This time that we're in.

Love looks a lot different it it's. It's not like it has to be in this box and you have to get married and you have to live with your spouse and you have to have your children at a certain point in your relationship.

And then.

And then there's all of these blended families, which are are creating a new phenomenon because people are getting better at divorce. I've noticed, you know, they're they're getting better at not staying in the relationship for the kids, which just really screws the kids up.

And and not blaming each other but being able to like separate and recognize the strengths and weaknesses of the Union and recognize it's just a union and it's.

You can dissolve it. It doesn't doesn't have to be a forever thing and it can change how it looks and you don't have to hate the person just because you're leaving them. It's it's.

The hardest part of it is.

The destruction of your dreams. Your dreams are gone. The life that you imagine going into the future. And you know that that person was going to be there when you grow old together and and that kind of stuff, all that that is the hard part. Not being able to communicate or even just talk. Get a hug. You know, it's like those are the hard things, those emotions.

For me at least, the emotional connections, the things that I did dreamed.

But at the same time, acknowledging what was real, it took me a long time. I mean, I I would go back and forth. No, I wanna. I'm well, I'll hold on to this and I'll keep focusing on him coming back. And then it's like, no, don't be foolish. Look at the things other people are saying. Some truth in there. And then I had to really look deeply at myself and understand, you know.

Everything, my responsibility and the reality of his actions. Did he put me first or not, and and when I answered that question I then that that was that was this final thing. Yes, this is not the right one. Cause he didn't put you first. He loved you. You could see that he did, but he was whatever it was that. And so that that.

Just being able to say that to myself and acknowledge that and and say there were so many signs where I could have taken a step and said, hey, this isn't what I like and.

I want let's do it and I didn't. I just. I just didn't say nothing. I held it in and held it in. So my responsibility is absolutely in there too. But we take that right and then, I mean, I did so much learning since then because I don't want to.

Feel that again?

But I'm not interested in being in a relationship. I miss things about being in a relationship.

Certain things, but I don't want one just yet. I'm still kind of traveling me. I'm dating me. You know, I did a 30 days of dating me and a 30 days of loving me and stuff on my face. And I love the 30. And I got it from Firefly. Firefly.

I mean a show on Netflix. I think it is. I just loved it because it brought so much out from the that happens with trauma and then following that as these women move through their lives, it's a beautiful show. If you guys haven't seen it. But what if she was dating herself? And I was like, I'm doing that. So right now I'm just dating me. I'm just loving me. I'm just putting me first.

For everything and then and and then see.

Where that takes me.

It's gonna take you where you're supposed to go because ultimately we are just one.

In community with others, but we exist as.

An individual, a soul, a spark of God. Whatever you want to call it. But each of those divine things bits come together, but they only come together when you recognize the divine in yourself. And you can't do that in relationship with other people and think that you're going to.

You're going to.

Figure it out. You either have to know what it is before you get in that relationship, or.

Or you have to do a lot of work. Both of you in order to grow together. It's it. It just doesn't.

It doesn't happen very often and this is coming from someone who's been in a really long relationship.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I I, yeah, I completely agree. And and I go back to the same thing as you know, I was already seeking, I was working at changing myself. I knew I was stagnant. So I was working at this, you know, developing me. So it's the craziest thing. It freaked me out too. I threw all these things away for it right after after this happened. But, you know, I know that, you know, as you change yourself, your environment has to change. And sometimes we don't like the way that our environment.

Changed and my environment changed because Rick left. It wasn't the right person for me moving forward, and it was so funny because the day before, you know, I I asked him, you know what, you know what was going on? I had. I had made some purifying.

Waxy oil stuff that.

You just put like on different spots and just.

Like and I was like, so I did that to him, you know? And. And it was like the next day, all this **** happened. I was.

Like it works, they worked it.

Was like, I don't know. I I seriously it freaked me.

And I threw it away and until I've come back to that my, my, my, the way I love the way energy works, right? It's not me. It's the energy that's moving through me, you know, and flowing through. It's like I've I've been trained in Reiki, but I've been doing energy healing for a long time and it's not me. It's the person drawing the energy from through to them. They get that they're they're the ones that do it.

I just happened to be open enough from the my experiences and everything that I can I can help with that. A lot of things I write in my my little focus stars that I make, I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm putting things in and I'll hold over a jar until it feels right and then I drop it in. It's I'm it.

Like I the IT the It's so fun and exciting, but it was scary starting out trying to just listen to my inner self that that connection to everything because I truly believe we're all one. We're all we are all one thing I can feel myself one with the universe which has been the most awesomest and I did not do it.

It was my first time, was not when I was high either it was, it was when I was straight, which is really cool because then I could understand what that feeling was. But but it's scary.

For you to kind of listen to that poll, and there were many times where I would start to listen to it and things would start to happen. It would freak me out because I didn't know what was going on. I was even hospitalized one time because I was like, totally, like, freaking out. And that's the problem with a lot of people my age is that there's no, there's not a lot of understanding for people who think these different ways who could have this.

Connection. We used to think they're crazy or weird or strange except.

We were just born in the.

Wrong time. But you know it's it's it's but.

It it turns to be fascinating because.

Now from all my other experiences, I woke up every day dreading the day I. I mean, I would be at one point I would wake up as late as I could. I would make sure I watch the right TV shows in a row to make sure my mind stayed exactly what it was and I did all the things to make sure my kids were OK then everyone go to sleep and then I'd stay up till like 4:00 in the morning.

I was working on my dissertation and stuff like that, but still I was.

You know, and then I go to sleep, wake up, actually get up, get my kids breakfast, get them off.

To school, then go.

Back to bed.

And then get up later. So it moved through that to being able to really just I could get up and then I use tools to make me feel better to this. Allowing that happened. What actually happened was, is I was.

I do cards and I I draw for myself and the card said, you know, just presents the love in your life for the next day.

Or two. So I was doing that and all this fear just kept coming up. Fear and fear. So finally I was sitting in the backyard and I was looked up at the sky and I said to the universe. Yes, I fear you, but I'm going to love you anyways. And that release of saying, yeah, there's fear there, but I'm going to keep pushing through it.

And every time it comes up, I'm going to let it go. Do my little thing and do what it is. But I'm going to keep moving forward. It's like all.

The sudden I started waiting. I was like, what is going to happen today?

Because I have no.

Clue what's going to happen each day, and it's like, so I I put a thought into the world like, you know, how about something like this? And it's amazing how cool things come back and.

But it's like this. It's like waiting for the the magic right? The Magic's going to happen every single day, as long as we're open to it. And not saying this is the way it has to.

Happen and then the universe.

Has to try and structure it.

This way and shove it in there and it's trying to use everything, but if we're like open to it, we say I would love this feeling. I would love this connection. I would love to.

And there are things I would love to have a little pool house in my backyard, you know, and I sit there and imagine what it would feel like to be sitting on the little.

Deck of my little pool house.

In my little backyard and and and then the universe says, well, I can work with this because you're not telling me exactly what I have.

To do so.

And but the the hardest part of that.

Creation thing and which gets to the other book that I wrote, which is a revised edition of Wallace, Waddles, the science of getting rich, it's the spiritually, the gender and spiritually neutral addition.

And I take out he she's or all the he's and stuff. And it's they mostly and I rewrite it. I take his judgment. He gets a little judging in places because that was the time he was in. So I took. I took a.

Lot of that.

Out I took the blatant spirit religious things out, but left them more spiritual aspects of it in I put.

Key points to the beginning so people know what to focus on when.

Reading, I create a summary which also lists Wallace Wallace argument really clearly, and then I have questions and activities that you can do to sort of anchor in the information. So I added a lot to it and I'm really proud of that. But for me that's like the hardest part.

Of it's like.

The monetary thing, I've never.

I've never cared that much about money, except when I don't have enough to be able to do, like pay the bills and stuff that I care about it. But it's this, this stress and worry kind of thing which?

Because I've never.

Understood money because money is not real. Money is a concept. It's an imaginative thing based on emotion and and to me it's more real when.

You trade. I get this.

You get that? OK, you know.

But it's like money.

Is this and value? How do you create? How do you decide what value is and it's?

Like ohh and so this gets to.

Like I have created.

All these things and the amount of money that I have earned in doing it.

Is 0.

After three years 2 1/2 three years of doing all these things, and I'm like, I'm not mad, I'm not, I'm not fearful anymore. Although I was getting really, there was a moment where I was like, is this really what I want to do? And that's what I started figuring out. What I love is making tools. But it's like I'm not going to stop. I'm just going to keep. And somehow I I left academia.

Last October, November, I haven't really worked on anything. I actually there been things I've tried to start that were in academia because I freaked out at the beginning of.

The year and said.

Can I get back in and the universe was like, no, you said you were going to move. You're not going to do this anymore. So no, you don't get that.

So then I say, you know, through this exploration and everything, but everything had its reason and everything has its timing. And I really understand that. And so even though I haven't, I still at this moment all my bills are paid, I have food in my refrigerator and it's a beautiful, gorgeous, sunny day outside.

And I get to love and enjoy this day like there's no not like this is the last day.

Because it's a gorgeous, beautiful day and all.

I know is this moment right now.

And and so that is the beauty of of this I I I am trusting the universe when I didn't trust the universe I had to control everything. No, I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to do this and then I gotta make sure it's this. And I've got a plan and I've got to have this in the bank and I've got to. And it's like no. Now I'm just saying if I'm going to have it, it's going to be there. I dream. I feel I want it.

But it's more in connection and emotion and who I want to be rather than what stuff do I want?

If that makes sense.

Makes total sense it it makes. Yes, it makes total sense.

And I'm. I'm sitting here thinking just wait, I see it coming for you. It can't help but come. I've. I've seen it manifesting happens all the time. And I was just thinking this morning I I decided last week.

To start tapping for money.

I periodically do this yesterday. It was like interesting. This money appeared just like and it happens to me every time I do that, it's like.

You know if.

I if I start to feel like that anxiety around, there's not enough. I just start tapping and it it really takes all of that away. This kind of topping or.

Like like.

I just call it tapping I should.

Probably call it.

No, it's it's fine. I just want to be sure I have.

Even know what it is?

The right thing.

Not tapping the.

Ceiling or tapping the universe.

I want fish.

No, no, just just do it in the EFT and then you know there's hypnotherapy. There's all these things that you can do that really.

Do help change and rewire your brain so you're not like.

You don't get caught in.

That, that pool or that.

Tunnel, where you're just like.

Ohh God, I can't get out.

I'm stuck here. It it's just like.

I'm kind of well I.

Will call it magic. It is like magic because.

I don't really.

Understand how it works and that's all magic is. It's just what you can't explain scientifically.

Babylon five. I love the techno mages.

Just you just don't understand it.

Yeah, you just don't understand it. I I think that's all woo is too. But it's just people like I'm so into the woo. Well, yeah, why not?

I I don't even know what the rule is, unless you're talking about woo commerce, but I don't think.

You're talking about that, so no woo is just.

Magic it's it's like.

These modalities that we use as coaches to help people move forward and get.

And stuff and and really to to manifest the life that they want because reality is the is what we create. It's what we dream of. It's the things that we think about and.

I'm I personally have had experiences where you know I don't want this, I want that. I I remember when I was 14 years old, we were on this long hike with my family, my sisters and my mom who always ******* when we went hiking. It was so fun. Let me tell you.

And and we're hiking around the hills in California, and it was gorgeous. And we could see the condors flying, and it was back in the days when the condors were going extinct. And it was, it was really an amazing experience.

And I was.

Just thinking, and I'd lived in cities my whole life, our own bases, and we never really had our own home. And I thought, you know, I really want to live in a homestead. I want chickens. I knew nothing about chickens. I want goats. I want cows. I want all these animals and.

And then my life went on. I was 14 at the time, and I continued to live in Southern California and Washington and other places in Colorado. And. And then we moved to Salt Lake City.

And we were in this House. It was a beautiful Mick mansion and I was standing in the backyard trying to figure out how to garden because, you know, gardening is not we're not born with that instinct and it's more than just the growing season on the ground. But let me.

Tell you so.

I was thinking.

But you.

I don't want to live in the city. I want to live in the.

Country and within a year I was.

In the country I had goats and chickens and the neighbors thought I was hilarious, tried to clip their wings, and I had these ideas about how to keep them.

They were just like 19 years later.

Oh God, I knew nothing then.

Isn't it beautiful? I got chicken. I always wanted to have, like, alpacas or something like that. So I finally got this House and where I had some yard and I said I'm gonna start small. I'm gonna at least get chickens. Oh, my God, those freaking little things are a pain in the **** there. I love them all. I only have my rooster left, and I had some out of turkeys, too.

And my my momma passed this last spring but.

Wow. Yeah, I'm glad I stuck with chickens and no more.

I had a Loma at one point. His name was Larry Larry, the Leary leaping llama.

Oh, that's awesome.

He was he was quite the quite the animal. It's really interesting, Mamas.

Are that's another thing that teaches us so much. My, my Turkey Mama taught me so much, she taught.

Me. Because she she had a Abscess and then infection in her foot. And I had to figure out a way to to heal.

That most of the time that happens that people just.

Kill the bird. And so I been doing it. I learned a new way to Envision Energy as a, as a ball and a rounding and a circling and and kind of thing with her. And then. And I had one point because it was so bad. I had to cut into the bottom of her foot.

And and remove some of the Abscess that an infection and and if there was, usually it happens if there's something in it, like a piece of wire or something got in there, you know, pine cone piece. And so I had to figure out what's going on and and I there was two places and I had and.

I freaked out and stuff like that, so I had to. Like I said, OK, we're just gonna do it. We'll just do it. And it's like that. Something happened and flip switched and I was able to get in there and clean it out. I had to do it multiple times over several that, you know, and then. And I would wrap it with the Epsom salt water and the charcoal and honey, which pulls infection out and and but.

She taught me so much and and her patience with me in the process as well. I just I love, I love animals. They I don't know why I I have my last little chicken and the and little little rooster dude. And but that's.

It for now I think.

They do teach us so much. Gardening teaches us so much. I just like the whole process of of learning how to be country has shaped my life in interesting ways that I.

I'm so grateful for the experience, but it was so interesting to me when I was on the homestead thinking back to when I was 14 and I wanted chicken.

Because all you have.

To do is dream about it and.

Oh, absolutely. I mean, that's the thing with best with the Buddhism, at least that I follow. I mean, that's how they hook you in. First is you chant for anything and you're going to get it. And I did. You know, I I don't. I don't chant anymore. I hum and I am and I do. And I just sit and I.

There's so many different ways.

You know, but it goes back to the way that, you know, different kinds of things. That and humming we know activate so many different kinds of things going on.

In the head.

But Oh my gosh, I forgot what my train of thought was.

On that one totally lost it.

OK.

Animals humming. Getting what you want.

Oh yes, that was it. Yeah, it's so Buddhism.

It's it's, it's, but you're.

You in order to get what you want you have to change who you. You, you. I don't want to say change who you are so much as.

You become clearer.

On who you are.

At least that's what I see at the time that I'm in now. It's like, well, you know, we talk about Karma. I love sad guru, and I mean, I have, of course I've understood karma for a long time and I was already shifting what I understood about Karma at this point, cause I was leaving the organization I was in because they I didn't.

Believe that they were doing it.

The way that it just wasn't being done, the way that resonated with who I am after 30 odd years of were being with them. And so I left all that and and the way he explained Karma and then my own ideas. You know, Karma isn't what happens to you. You know it. Karma is how.

You get through.

It the whole.

Universe of possibilities is open to you, cause the universe doesn't know.

With all these different energies, what? It's gotta pull in next. It's not the event that is the karma, it's, it's how we get even. I mean, having a child die. I've had a friend and it's.

Like you know, how do you explain that? And you, you can't you, you know, all you can say at at the time, you can't even say you will eventually find the good in this. All you can do is consult them. You can't throw ********.

At them like that.

But yeah, you know, no.

That doesn't help.

But at the same time, I'm saying it was your karma that doesn't help either, you know, so it's like.

No, you know, these are hard lessons I learned over time of doing these exact things is, you know, saying this to somebody, it's like, no. Yeah, that wasn't right. And but it is.

It's like I I like because I still get angry and I still get sad, but I will go and I will like it was song is going on. I've done this like a few times and it's I'm in the middle of a store. I will start dancing, you know, that's my karma to just. But I will get I I will get really angry at certain other things. You know these are that's my karma too. And so it's it's.

It's allowing myself to understand myself more as I feel these emotions and definitely not saying they're bad. I love every emotion of who I am. I love my conflict. This is something new that happened only recently with the last couple of. Are we OK?

No, we're having animal problems. Oh, dear. There, bear with me for just a minute.

OK.

All right, animal drama is over, but.

This is the matter of the.

Room. All right, back to Karma.

Yes, yes, so.

We were talking about it in the, you know, all the possibility and it's not what happens. It's what and we and I have, you know, we all have aspects of ourselves that we're, you know, even though I've been doing this for decades and, you know, and I have these shifts and all.

I still get angry and I get sad and I get this, but the understanding is there when it hits me I can say now OK, this is an emotion I don't have to get angry back at this person unless something inside me is saying you need to be angry. I I always follow that intuition. And so I that's why I always say I'm not always nice. I'm not always pretty. I'm not always what you want.

That might be what you need, but I I I'm always asking myself, do I really need to do that? Do I really need to say that? Why are and then always no matter what I go back into the reflection of? Why did I get angry and I don't always have to understand the why?

Me too. I don't. If it's like, I don't know why. OK, maybe it's just something I don't need to dig deep into. Right this second. I can just go through my.

I see you. I love you.

Thank you for having been there. I no longer lead you. I release you into the universe and you know that step process is just me acknowledging and loving that emotion and been there and then saying. But, you know, I don't need you. I don't take myself so seriously anymore. And so I can release this into the universe. But it, you know, there's always more dandelion roots. So.

Dandelions are good for you. Every one of them.

Yes, they are.

And I love it all. And that's what. That's what I was saying is that the conflict aspect, you know, going what's been going on around the world, you know, and and and and seeing people very angry and taking sides. And, you know, there's no side to this. There's just people in pain that don't have any other tools to use to do something else.

And and every you know. This is my PhD. Every conflict or war has its roots in the previous conflict or war. All the other stuff is just ******** in order to say why we have to do this. And policymakers have their own agenda for why they encapsulate or take a side or or state it the way they do. You know, there's.

There's always looking deeper into it, but when I looked at this and I saw this and I.

That, you know, we know we can't policy make peace. It won't happen. We've seen that we have to have a change in people and people only act out when they're not willing to look in. Even with me getting angry. That first act of acting out often is because I'm not white quite yet willing to look at it within my own.

Self yet.

And so.

By looking at that and and writing out a few things and and looking at this that I said I gotta love that conflict within me with a couple of things that I've been dealing with where I would love to work with this person, but.

You know, I have this little tiny bit of baggage that comes with it, that there's this conflict in me I love.

The whole conflict.

I just love it all, and as soon as I it's like because I said you've got.

To love that conflict, you know in the where it is and love all the people love the conflict for what it is not. It sucks. Obviously not that.

I want all this to happen, but I love the people. I love the land, I love the earth. That all is me too.

Now how can we look at this? How can we dig deeper? So I said well, first we got to do that within ourselves. So I had to say, OK, where's my conflict? How do I love this? How do I look deeper within this? And then to me, it was just like this. Aha. And and another another like little layer of something that got flung off of there was hole that was that was dirty.

Holding me down or a chain link of of freedom when I could say I know I can love that I don't have to resolve all that conflict in this moment. I can just love it right now and the resolution will it will happen as it's meant to happen.

And so to me that that is also our environment and you know how are we looking at at our environment to understand who we are and because we're all in this together, this this whole earth is, is our spaceship. It's the only one we got right now. And so we need to figure out how we're going to take care of it and all the people on it.

Absolutely. When it comes to actually helping people with.

Creating tools is.

That how do they get in touch with you and how?

Does that happen? Yeah. So when I work with people on creating tools and and this comes from my course creation and all that kind of stuff that I've experienced with it, it really depends on the person because each individual is different. They have their difficulties in different things. Like one person might be their words they use and I can help them.

Clarify their words. What do you really mean by this? What does?

You know definition, how would you use this? How might your the person that's receiving your words get it? It might be different from you in what you're trying to say. It could be one of my my pet peeves about self education is the lack of assessments and lack of investment in the outcome of the people taking the courses. And so how do you know your learners?

And learning what you want them to learn. Unless you're doing some kind of an.

Assessment. It doesn't have to be a ohh fill in the box.

Kind of assessment can.

Be fun. There's a lot of different ways to do.

Investments. But, but unless we're invested, that's the difference often between a teacher and a content creator is the investment in the outcome of the of the people who are are your learners and what they're learning. And so you know, that is one another thing that I can help with. I've I've created assessments, all kinds of different kinds of assessments. And I've created, like I said, simulations.

This is just role-playing. How do we create a role? What might be a role play? Maybe it's a different way of doing your course. There's so many different that you don't have to just do a video and content or or words. There's there's lots that you can do. Interactive videos nowadays.

With with different platforms and so you can not just platforms but course creation platform or software like Adobe Captivate and storyline and and articulate through all of those. So there's there's fun ways.

To bring the.

The learner into the learning and that's for me. It's always been about experiential.

Learning how do we give the learner an experience of learning and that's what I'm really good at is creating experience and it's what I love to do and what they can get in touch and be through by website or I'm also going to be giving you a link to just a special just for this podcast and see it right across the top of it your world.

You or something like that, you.

Gold order. The New world order.

Yeah. So it's like, yeah, there it is. Yeah, of the new you World order showcase. There we go. And anyways I'll have the link there and it's a free 30 minute jam session because I don't have, you know, we'll just we'll just start talking and we'll see where things go and and ideas will just come out and.

Come through me for you.

And that's just the way I work. I don't have any. I don't even start my day with a schedule. I just everything is. What am I supposed to do today? What is the action I'm supposed to take today and all?

Just something out.

Is getting someplace, but that's how we would work together too. So I and. But I'm also I'm.

Current as you can see, I'm very transparent. I've I've said things about myself.

That not a lot of people well.

It's like, yeah, I've earned 0 money on everything I've done.

So far, but you know it's.

I'm I'm 100 transparent with you. I'm honest, I'm truthful. I'm. I like I said, I'm not always nice and flowery.

I if I see a point I'm like I I come in and I target it and I'm like boom and so. And it really depends on.

This it depends.

It's on.

Where it's coming from too. If it's a like a sharp message kind of thing from that, or if it's it. It depends on who it is as to what what happens. But I will say I guarantee you will have something actionable after you've talked with me that you could take if you if it resonated with you.

And you thought it was cool that you could utilize totally everything, like everything I do and say it's always for me.

1st and if.

You get something out of it. That's. I know. That sounds like selfish, but it's the way I have to work. And but it's it's like.

I won't know until we're together what it is because so I don't have, I just I.

Because everyone's different, everyone's different.

I love that and I can see how that would be the case. So what is the one thing you want to leave the audience with?

UM, just be you. It's the most beautiful thing in the.

World it it really is.

Absolutely. Thanks so much for joining me, Jocelyn.

Thank you. This was.

A blast. I had a lot of fun. Thank you.

So much, Jill.