Chelsea Webster – The Power of Positive Change

In this inspiring episode, host Jill speaks with Chelsea Webster, a women’s empowerment coach and nurse working in a breast milk bank in Australia! The conversation delves into the power of words and thoughts, raising one’s vibration, and being open to positive possibilities.

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Transcript

Transcript

00:00:00

Hi and welcome to the.

00:00:01

You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we're speaking with Chelsea Webster and Chelsea joins us from Australia and she is a woman's empowerment coach. But she's also a nurse who's working in the A breast milk bank and.

00:00:20

She's just got so many.

00:00:21

Great things around this and she's going.

00:00:23

To share with us.

00:00:24

So tell us a little bit about you, your journey, how you ended up there.

00:00:29

You said you started out bitter.

00:00:31

We want to know about the very beginnings.

00:00:34

Hi, Jill and yeah, thank you for having me.

00:00:37

So yes, I'm.

00:00:37

In Melbourne, Australia.

00:00:38

And it's a little bit dark outside, right?

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Now it's 6.

00:00:41

O'clock in the morning and we're in winter and.

00:00:44

So it's it's dark out there, but so where did I start?

00:00:49

Yes, I was just sharing with Jill, if you hadn't.

00:00:51

Spoken to me.

00:00:52

Two years ago, there's no way I would have been sitting here was quite a resentful and bitter lady.

00:00:57

I wouldn't have been sitting here with a smile on my face, or if I did, it would have been extremely fake, and now it's quite general.

00:01:03

So I've I'm a registered nurse but and background knee Natal intensive care and have done a lot of research into knee Natal nutrition and now manage a breast milk bank in Victoria.

00:01:18

One of the hospitals here.

00:01:20

And have a lot of plans about things.

00:01:22

That I would like to do, particularly around bereaved.

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Donors and a support program there.

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But that's just a massive program that.

00:01:29

We would love to have.

00:01:30

Up and running and.

00:01:31

We could talk for hours about.

00:01:32

That but my.

00:01:34

Background and where?

00:01:35

I've come from and got to this point.

00:01:39

Now is I've had two unsuccessful marriages.

00:01:43

I used to say failed or I had failed marriages, but it was just they didn't work for me.

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Those two wrong people, wrong times.

00:01:51

But I did have two children out of the 1st.

00:01:53

Marriage. And so I guess.

00:01:55

That's a great thing from that domestic violence, emotional abuse, financial abuse, lots of things from both of those.

00:02:03

And I guess I lived with a lot of shame.

00:02:05

From that, particularly a healthcare.

00:02:09

Worker and I managed to be in a situation.

00:02:12

Like that and.

00:02:14

Probably felt like I should never.

00:02:15

And I'll find ourselves there though.

00:02:18

And I yeah, you had to hide it quite well, but found I became extremely bitter with the world and everybody around me and myself and could not take responsibility for anything.

00:02:32

So I had put myself into those situations.

00:02:35

Particularly the second situation and knew it right from the start, but continued with.

00:02:40

It didn't have a voice.

00:02:42

Didn't allow myself to speak up, had no boundaries.

00:02:46

Was it extremely resentful person and yeah, hated life.

00:02:53

I really hated life and I hated people around me and was not a great example for my children at all.

00:03:01

So you got to a point, a very, very low point and then realised something had to change.

00:03:06

And the only way it could change was within me.

00:03:09

Nobody could change it for me and eventually had done a few things.

00:03:13

But wasn't ready for.

00:03:14

It so I.

00:03:16

Would be one of the 1st to tell you Life coaching doesn't work.

00:03:20

Counselling doesn't work.

00:03:21

This doesn't work because I actually wasn't ready for it to work for me at that time, and so no matter what I did, it wasn't going to work because I didn't want to change.

00:03:31

I still wanted to hold on to that resentment.

00:03:33

I still wanted to be bitter and I did not want to take responsibility and I wanted to be able to blame people for the situation I was in.

00:03:40

So I did get.

00:03:41

I just want to be the victim.

00:03:41

To a point.

00:03:43

I wanted to, but it's interesting you say that word still because I now.

00:03:49

I now can open and honestly say that.

00:03:52

That's what I.

00:03:52

Was doing and even there's Times Now where I say ohh I'm falling into that victim mentality.

00:03:59

Back then, if you had called me a victim or said I was playing that I would have jumped down your throat and I think.

00:04:05

A lot of that.

00:04:06

May have stemmed from the domestic violence part.

00:04:10

I didn't want to be categorised as a victim, so I didn't want that label as victim but.

00:04:17

I was playing a victim in.

00:04:19

Every aspect of my life.

00:04:21

Toxic work.

00:04:21

Environment I was a victim.

00:04:23

It's still toxic, but I go in there with a different attitude and I just.

00:04:28

Play the political game and you know be.

00:04:30

Strategic and we're OK.

00:04:32

So it was.

00:04:33

It was really interesting and it was a point where I.

00:04:37

Could see my mum was very much that person and she.

00:04:43

She ended her life early and I could see I was following that path and it was just a bit of a wake up call for me.

00:04:50

So I found a program I heard somebody speak about it.

00:04:54

I had one session and it changed my life and I was like.

00:04:58

How now can I help other people change their life and do that as well?

00:05:05

I couldn't keep going with it and I know that if I had of, I would have followed the same path as my mum and that just was not good.

00:05:12

For anybody, particularly my children.

00:05:15

There's a long winded story for you.

00:05:18

You know, but there's a moment when you realize, you know.

00:05:23

As a victim, I need somebody to rescue me.

00:05:25

But as the hero of my own story.

00:05:29

I can just scale a plot, twist and go the other way, and I have control over who the other characters in my story are going to be.

00:05:38

I have control as the hero.

00:05:41

You are in control as a victim.

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All the circumstances around you are in control of your life and that.

00:05:49

Just like it.

00:05:50

Sucks to be.

00:05:51

That I've been there too.

00:05:53

I don't think I'm pointing my finger at you because I totally hear you.

00:06:00

I end of my first marriage.

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I was like, I'm either gonna go off the Cliff.

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In my car, or I'm gonna leave him because doing this is not is not working for.

00:06:14

Me and there's.

00:06:17

Reasons for it that there were red flags along the way that I just like, ignore them thinking, you know, you can make any relationship work.

00:06:27

No, it's too much work.

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Life is too short.

00:06:31

Move on.

00:06:33

I know, but it does take because I don't know about you, Jill.

00:06:37

I'm very much an overthinker and it's something I'm working on and.

00:06:43

It's I have a new partner and he's well aware and I've taught him the science of me overthinking and.

00:06:51

He will point that out to me, but it's very it's hard because you have those stories go on in your head.

00:06:56

And I still do.

00:06:58

But it's catching yourself.

00:07:00

But yeah, in those previous situations, do you have those conversations in your head?

00:07:05

I know I need to do this.

00:07:06

This and this, but it's having the.

00:07:08

Courage to actually do it and then finding that.

00:07:13

Yeah, finding the power to say, hey, I can't do this anymore, not just feed yourself but everybody.

00:07:19

Around you because.

00:07:20

It it's just not worth it, but.

00:07:23

Yeah, it's, it's.

00:07:25

And recognizing that you can get help.

00:07:25

Look, we all do it.

00:07:28

Yes, recognizing you can get help, but also I think recognizing that you need it.

00:07:36

But I don't know about you.

00:07:37

I'm.

00:07:38

I'm very conscious of the words I use now and need is one that one that I reluctantly use because I was finding I would.

00:07:48

I need to do this.

00:07:49

I need to.

00:07:50

Do that and.

00:07:51

I had a real resentment to the.

00:07:53

Word need because it was.

00:07:54

It was something that was.

00:07:56

I would say it all the time so.

00:07:58

If I say the word need and I point this out to people, yes, I've said need, but it's actually something else because I would.

00:08:05

I need to leave.

00:08:06

I need to do this situation.

00:08:08

I need the kids to do this, but it was a real negative for me.

00:08:12

The word need so.

00:08:13

Hope is another one.

00:08:14

I hope this works out.

00:08:16

No, it's going to work out or I'm going to make this happen.

00:08:20

So all I want, there's all these.

00:08:22

Things now that.

00:08:23

I'm really, really conscious of.

00:08:26

I've just gone off on a complete different tangent.

00:08:28

On you then, Jill.

00:08:30

1st for me.

00:08:30

And I will.

00:08:32

I think it's what needs.

00:08:33

To be said, and it's interesting, exploring the how words have power in our lives and how our thoughts, what we think about comes out of our mouth and it it's how we're moving and growing and the recognition of.

00:08:52

Of needing help.

00:08:55

And allowing yourself to need help.

00:08:59

Like a lot of women are just like we have to do everything for everybody and we put ourselves last and you know, we can just muddle through and it'll be OK.

00:09:10

It'll all work out in the end, and you know, stuff's gonna happen to us. And that's just the way life is and.

00:09:18

When we when?

00:09:19

We recognize that there is help available.

00:09:23

And if we?

00:09:25

Become aware of the help that's available and take advantage of it.

00:09:30

Then the need help.

00:09:32

Part is just a recognition that further education around whatever the situation is.

00:09:41

Might benefit us, yes.

00:09:44

And then we can.

00:09:45

Then we can have control over the decision to actually get help.

00:09:49

Instead of feeling like we need somebody to rescue us, we need somebody to throw us a lifeline.

00:09:55

We need somebody to make things better for us.

00:10:00

It's an empowering approach.

00:10:00

And then.

00:10:03

Exactly and as.

00:10:04

Soon as you said it like that with the need.

00:10:06

That's exactly where I used to get.

00:10:08

That I need kind of thing, but yeah, it's just amazing and that the control.

00:10:17

What you say I've.

00:10:18

I always felt like I had to be in control, but I had no control.

00:10:22

Because of the situations I was in, so I would make sure in other aspects of my life like work I had control because I had no control at home and so I would go the other way at work and I would make sure everything had to be spot on and I was a control freak.

00:10:43

And probably had OCD, and I guess there's probably nurses who listen to you.

00:10:48

Your podcast.

00:10:51

I think a lot of nurses do have OCD, particularly if you work.

00:10:54

In an ICU environment, you.

00:10:56

You kind of do and I think it's necessary, but I would take it to the extreme.

00:11:03

And I think it was because I needed control in some part of my life because I.

00:11:08

Didn't have it at home.

00:11:10

That's now I do.

00:11:12

I'm not a control freak at home.

00:11:14

And I've actually.

00:11:15

Been able to go with the.

00:11:16

Flow a lot more and.

00:11:18

I have got the boundary.

00:11:20

And that hasn't gone down well, particularly with my youngest child, because he has autism and.

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I know that they say autistic children like structure.

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He's the opposite.

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He doesn't like structure.

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So for boundaries for him it's been really difficult and the kids loved it.

00:11:40

Mum doesn't have boundaries.

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We can walk all.

00:11:42

Over her now, she.

00:11:45

So the control coming in and out being able to go with the flow and actually?

00:11:50

Relax a little bit.

00:11:51

That's been a massive change as well, but.

00:11:56

Yeah, just recognizing these things.

00:11:59

And starting to recognize.

00:12:00

When you're falling back into that victim mentality.

00:12:04

And giving your.

00:12:05

Power away again, cause I've had that recently and I've all of a sudden realized.

00:12:10

I was wondering why my body just fell out of alignment and I was getting upset and things were happening.

00:12:15

And I'm.

00:12:15

Like it's like this light bulb moment.

00:12:17

I've just give.

00:12:18

I've been giving my power away again, and I swore I would never do that.

00:12:21

And I slipped back into.

00:12:22

It so even though we work on ourselves.

00:12:26

And we're coaching people.

00:12:27

We're not perfect, and it happens to us and we have to recognize that as well.

00:12:31

So I think that that's a big thing for people to realize.

00:12:36

It continuously.

00:12:37

Happens and it's.

00:12:38

A something that we are constantly working on too.

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And because it's, it's not easy.

00:12:46

And it's not meant to.

00:12:47

Be easy.

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It is meant to be done in community and when you have other people around you that.

00:12:55

Are walking the same path and they're dedicated to changing things about their life to make it better.

00:13:04

The whole boundaries thing.

00:13:07

I'm 63. I found out about boundaries like.

00:13:10

I don't know.

00:13:15

That's a long time to go without boundaries, and let me tell you, just learning about the concept of boundaries and it's not to make other people feel bad.

00:13:25

It helps me when other people have boundaries so that I try not to like.

00:13:32

Impinge on their boundaries. I'll go up to the fence and have a chat with them, but I'm not interested in pushing people's buttons and knowing what my own boundaries are has really helped me in my relationships with other people is it allows me to just let them be who they're going to be. They don't have to control who they're going to become.

00:13:55

It's.

00:13:58

It's hard. It is hard.

00:13:59

Though I think still I there's lots of Times Now where I'm still like.

00:14:05

I'm still finding what boundaries I have in different situations because I didn't have them for so long, so it's not.

00:14:12

I think it's important that people realize it's not something you wake up.

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And go. Here's all my.

00:14:16

Boundaries. This is what's gonna.

00:14:18

Happen they're constantly evolving.

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And it might be one day you think, and I don't have boundaries written down.

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It's not like it's, you know, it's structured that's at home.

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It's this and at work it's this, and with this person, it's this.

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It's just it.

00:14:34

It changes on the situation, but for me it's actually really realizing my personal boundaries.

00:14:42

And that's still changing and I'm realizing on a day-to-day basis, actually I'm not going to accept that part.

00:14:50

I'm worth more than that my.

00:14:53

I'm more valuable than that.

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And I'm having.

00:14:56

Those conversations really hard conversations with people still that actually do.

00:15:02

You know what?

00:15:03

I value myself more than that.

00:15:04

And I never would have had those conversations before, cause I didn't value myself.

00:15:08

I didn't think I was worth it.

00:15:10

I do now.

00:15:11

And you know what?

00:15:12

If you wanna be in my life.

00:15:14

This is who.

00:15:14

I am.

00:15:15

These are my values.

00:15:17

I'm valuable.

00:15:19

You don't like it?

00:15:20

I'm sorry, but you're not meant to be in my life.

00:15:23

And that's really hard too, because I don't know about you, Jill.

00:15:27

People wanted you to continue to be the person you were before because it kept them safe.

00:15:35

It kept them in control and it.

00:15:36

Kept you small.

00:15:38

So when you change and you have your value, you put your boundaries in place and you get your personal power back and you start taking control some people.

00:15:48

They can't handle it.

00:15:50

No, they.

00:15:51

And yeah, and it's generally people that lack boundaries themselves and they don't understand why you're putting up.

00:16:02

These boundaries, these.

00:16:03

These ways that you want to be interacted.

00:16:07

And when you stick by your guns, you're gonna have, you're gonna have people that don't understand, and that will fall.

00:16:16

It and it can be painful.

00:16:19

OK, absolutely.

00:16:21

And it's still happening.

00:16:22

To me, and there's there's people that.

00:16:25

I still probably grieve a little bit that they're not in my life, but there's others that I.

00:16:31

Just look back and think.

00:16:33

OK, that was meant to happen and I can see that the.

00:16:36

People who are.

00:16:38

It is still hurting.

00:16:40

I know that there's a lesson of why they're not in my life and they try and.

00:16:46

Sneak back in, sometimes a little.

00:16:47

Bit and then I realise.

00:16:49

Actually, that's not.

00:16:49

That's why you're not there.

00:16:52

Some people you have no.

00:16:54

They're always gonna be in your.

00:16:55

Life because there's a family connection or.

00:16:58

A work connection.

00:17:00

But it's making.

00:17:01

Sure, that that boundary is there and not letting them kind of impede on you and get to you.

00:17:07

But it is it is hard and it can sting and.

00:17:14

I don't know it opens up as well.

00:17:17

The people who come into your life and the things that.

00:17:19

Do come into your life.

00:17:21

And when you have the room and.

00:17:24

You have that clearance.

00:17:26

That's what's worthwhile, and that's what's happened to me.

00:17:29

It's been amazing.

00:17:31

I have just.

00:17:32

I have met so many other people at chance meetings who have been extraordinary and have lifted my life.

00:17:40

And I would never have met them beforehand because I didn't have the space.

00:17:44

I didn't have the mental.

00:17:45

Capacity for it.

00:17:46

And I wouldn't have attracted them cause I wasn't a nice person anyway, so we wouldn't have aligned.

00:17:52

So it's it is amazing just how the whole.

00:17:57

The whole thing works.

00:17:59

And I don't over analyze it, even though I'm an overthinker.

00:18:02

I don't over analyze.

00:18:03

It because now I'm just letting.

00:18:05

That happen.

00:18:08

I think it has to do with raising your vibration too.

00:18:11

Yeah, all energy, everything is energy.

00:18:14

And when you can function in the higher levels of vibration and you have people call it thinking positively.

00:18:24

But I think it's just being able to be open.

00:18:28

To the possibilities rather than.

00:18:33

Afraid of the possibilities, and there are two diametrically opposed positions.

00:18:39

When you're in fear, everything is scarce and you have to hang on to it really tightly and you, you're afraid of letting go of people of things.

00:18:49

And when you're in in hope and abundance.

00:18:53

In love, you're just like whatever's coming. It's coming. And it's for my highest and greatest good. I don't care what it is.

00:19:03

It could be.

00:19:04

Like you know, something fell on my foot and.

00:19:07

Broke it 30.

00:19:08

Five places, but it was meant.

00:19:11

Movie, then yes, it hurt, but it's going to lead to something amazing, even if it's just the story of how it happened, you know?

00:19:25

Yeah, I still, I still recognize that there's times where.

00:19:31

I think I'm coming from that fee.

00:19:34

And I it is hard to transition out of that in every aspect of your life.

00:19:40

So I don't want people to think that you can just snap your fingers and you can.

00:19:43

You can transition into there because it is hard and I work on that every day to raise my vibration and to go to live like that in all aspects of my life.

00:19:55

You know, there's some parts that are harder and other parts that I'm finding easier.

00:19:59

So when it comes to actually people in my life, I'm finding that transition much easy.

00:20:07

Then when it comes to financial or other that I think is that's been harder for me because.

00:20:14

I've always had this.

00:20:16

I don't know thing in my head.

00:20:19

You're gonna.

00:20:19

You're a single parent.

00:20:20

It's gonna be really hard for you.

00:20:21

You're gonna have to.

00:20:22

My dad worked a couple of jobs.

00:20:24

My mum didn't for a while.

00:20:26

Then she started working.

00:20:27

So it's like you're.

00:20:28

Going to have to do this this.

00:20:29

And this year, my dad was a shift worker.

00:20:31

Nurse was a shift workers.

00:20:32

So I have a couple.

00:20:34

Of jobs and it's always been.

00:20:36

Ingrained in me, you have to do this, but then you're a single parent, so you're never gonna be able to do this, and you're never gonna be able to do that.

00:20:42

Still trying to overcome that heart.

00:20:48

So it's really interesting that when you said that it, it was a light bulb moment for me going.

00:20:53

Yes, I can see.

00:20:54

Parts of my life.

00:20:56

I'm still probably living in fear, but I need to work on more because I think I've got this bit under control and now I need to focus here.

00:21:05

So thank you.

00:21:08

You're welcome.

00:21:09

I can.

00:21:10

I can actually help.

00:21:11

You more with.

00:21:11

That love to, yeah.

00:21:13

And it is.

00:21:14

It is pretty.

00:21:15

It's a pretty easy shift.

00:21:18

But it is a mind.

00:21:19

It is a mindset shift that happens and then it's just a process.

00:21:26

And it it's not hard.

00:21:29

It's just again knowing that you need help in this area understanding that you.

00:21:37

Have a problem.

00:21:39

Is like the first step.

00:21:41

To solving any problem that you have.

00:21:44

And I didn't recognize.

00:21:45

It was a problem until you said it.

00:21:48

I didn't say.

00:21:49

It you said it.

00:21:50

No, no, no.

00:21:52

That's right, I said it.

00:21:53

But when you were.

00:21:54

Saying what you said it was like.

00:21:56

Ohh there you go.

00:21:58

So it's it is interesting that these things just kind of come out, come out, but and it's in the area that you need at that time and I wasn't.

00:22:08

I wasn't ready for that to come up before, and I now recognise that and.

00:22:13

You can't push people.

00:22:14

The people I work with, the lady I'm working with at the moment when we first started working, she was really focused on one area of her.

00:22:22

And then when we did a process, all of a sudden what's really bothering her is what came up because it's what's sitting there subconsciously.

00:22:32

But she was really.

00:22:33

Focused on what she thought other people wanted her to do, what she thought her family wanted her to do, and what society wanted to do.

00:22:41

And that's not what she.

00:22:41

Wants to do.

00:22:42

And it's not the person watching who she wants to be.

00:22:46

So when she actually really allowed herself to.

00:22:50

I don't know. Get in.

00:22:51

The flow, that's what came up and now.

00:22:55

She's bubbly, she's excited.

00:22:57

She's setting her intentions, and she's really looking forward to seeing her goal come to fruition because it's for her.

00:23:06

It's not for.

00:23:07

Anyone else?

00:23:07

It's actually for her.

00:23:09

And she's at.

00:23:10

That stage of her life where?

00:23:13

Her kids are getting older and I don't know about you, but that's it's a big stage, particularly for women.

00:23:19

Kids are getting older.

00:23:20

Who am I, really?

00:23:21

And what have I been doing?

00:23:23

In my life because.

00:23:24

I actually have been living my life for my children or my husband, or my partner, or for other people around me, and I'm going through.

00:23:33

That as well.

00:23:33

And though my children are a bit.

00:23:34

Younger. They're very independent.

00:23:37

And my daughters off to an exchange program at the end of the year, my son moved out.

00:23:43

And I'm like.

00:23:46

Who am I and what am I supposed to?

00:23:48

Be now.

00:23:48

Doing, yeah, it's amazing. And for me, my children are only 16 and 15 and my son's.

00:23:56

Gone to live with.

00:23:58

His dad and.

00:24:00

I'm did not expect this at this stage of my life and it's really.

00:24:06

I'm what is my purpose?

00:24:10

So it's finding that and realizing who you are and living your life for you.

00:24:15

And I don't even know where I went with that chill.

00:24:17

I just.

00:24:17

Started talking and it just went from.

00:24:21

I love it.

00:24:22

I love it, cause it always goes where it's supposed to go.

00:24:26

I can share with you.

00:24:27

My youngest moved out this year also about six months ago.

00:24:32

She's 19.

00:24:33

My oldest is 40.

00:24:35

Oh wow.

00:24:36

I had been a mom.

00:24:37

For 40 years.

00:24:39

And just this year, my last one left, so I totally get the idea of.

00:24:48

Ohh, just us, yeah.

00:24:53

There's some.

00:24:54

There's some fun advantages to that and.

00:24:58

So we got left with all.

00:24:59

The animals.

00:25:01

Leave and leave us the animals.

00:25:03

I have all these animals now that.

00:25:07

I didn't pick.

00:25:11

Yeah, well.

00:25:15

My dog actually just passed.

00:25:17

Away on the weekend so.

00:25:19

I'm so sorry.

00:25:22

I know it's so it's like.

00:25:24

It has been.

00:25:25

Absolute clearance of the house and then when Ruby?

00:25:28

Goes on her.

00:25:29

Exchange at the end of it, it's.

00:25:30

Actually just me and.

00:25:31

I'm like, what am I gonna do?

00:25:35

Like I'm so excited for it, but.

00:25:39

Yeah, but anyway.

00:25:39

It's exciting and and scary all at the same time.

00:25:44

It's like there's so much possibility.

00:25:48

It's so much responsibility that goes along with it like you want.

00:25:52

To get it right cause this is.

00:25:54

Like the final push.

00:25:56

It's like.

00:25:57

This is I'm gonna grab on to life and I I'm just gonna contribute everything that I want to contribute to.

00:26:05

Make the world a better.

00:26:06

Place my God.

00:26:09

That's where we move into.

00:26:11

I love that I love the way you've just said that and that I think that leads.

00:26:14

Into what we spoke about before we actually started.

00:26:17

And that's my drive now.

00:26:19

It's like, right, I.

00:26:21

Can really go for.

00:26:23

Contributing in a different way and setting something up that's gonna help other people.

00:26:29

It's got nothing to do with me.

00:26:30

It's helping other people.

00:26:31

And that's really.

00:26:36

Finding my purpose because I didn't know it was there before.

00:26:40

And then when you find it, it's it keeps you going.

00:26:42

It gets you up in the.

00:26:43

Morning and it's.

00:26:47

Yeah, it's got nothing.

00:26:48

To do with.

00:26:50

Ego. It's just.

00:26:53

How can I help someone else and not just if it's one person?

00:26:58

But I really want to.

00:26:59

Help many people.

00:27:03

Yeah, getting.

00:27:04

And you were talking about?

00:27:05

What you were doing with the with the milk bank and yeah, and helping in a segment that really needs help grieving moms that have a lot of milk still and.

00:27:19

Going to talk about that just a little bit.

00:27:22

So that's what I was alluding to then say my purpose I've found and what I'm.

00:27:31

Starting to develop and I'm in talks of getting this happening, is a bereaved donor milk donor program and support program, and at the moment we are not meant to sign up for donors, which is really unfortunate because it does help them, it helps them go through the grieving process they feel like.

00:27:52

They've got a purpose because they can give.

00:27:54

Back and like we had one donor who?

00:27:59

Did go through it and.

00:28:01

She said it gave her a purpose every morning.

00:28:03

It gave her a reason to go.

00:28:04

Up it got her back into work.

00:28:07

It got her back into life and it kept her living.

00:28:10

It kept her breathing.

00:28:12

And she has.

00:28:12

Just been my driving.

00:28:14

Force, because if we could help one person get back into life and actually.

00:28:21

And as she said, she wouldn't be leaving if she didn't have the chance to do this.

00:28:25

If we could help one person do that, how many more?

00:28:27

Can we help do that?

00:28:29

So it's really it's driving me every single day.

00:28:32

It gets me up, it lights me up.

00:28:34

How can we help?

00:28:35

Bereaved donors, but not just.

00:28:37

The women to donate, it's their families.

00:28:40

As well because they need support, there might be children at home who are watching Mum express for a baby who's not there.

00:28:47

How do we support them?

00:28:48

How do we support the partner because they may have mixed feelings as well, so we need to make sure that they're OK.

00:28:55

And then it's also we've had situations where.

00:28:59

They don't get all the support right at the start that we think they do.

00:29:04

We think they're given the all the resources that they might need when it comes.

00:29:08

To grief counseling.

00:29:11

They're not all getting it, so it's become more than a bereaved milk donor program.

00:29:17

It's becoming.

00:29:18

It hasn't started yet, I've just got.

00:29:21

Paper everywhere and I've got notes everywhere, and I'm speaking to.

00:29:25

People and I've.

00:29:26

Got a briefing paper written up and.

00:29:28

You know, how can we get this happening?

00:29:29

Because we need.

00:29:31

Them to have that support right at the start.

00:29:33

Who can they talk to?

00:29:34

Let's not just give them the tablet to suppress their milk.

00:29:37

There's another option that they might be able to they might not want to express, and that's OK.

00:29:42

They don't have to.

00:29:43

But they need to.

00:29:44

Know that there are people out there who can.

00:29:46

Help them, but also when it comes to.

00:29:48

First birthdays or if the baby had.

00:29:51

Lived for a couple of days or a couple of.

00:29:53

Weeks or even a.

00:29:53

Couple of months.

00:29:54

How did they celebrate that?

00:29:56

Do they have?

00:29:56

The support how do?

00:29:58

They come to terms with the 1st.

00:30:00

Anniversary of the death.

00:30:01

You know, let's have the support around that as well, so.

00:30:04

It's become.

00:30:05

Massive Jill and it's my.

00:30:10

Driving forth now so.

00:30:14

I'm hoping the start of.

00:30:15

Next year I can really start to.

00:30:17

Pilot it at least.

00:30:18

Here and then see if we can roll.

00:30:22

It out, but that's.

00:30:25

Is amazing.

00:30:25

That my contribution.

00:30:27

Yes. And it's a.

00:30:30

Space that really needs support.

00:30:35

Yeah, the world.

00:30:38

Well, I shouldn't say the whole.

00:30:39

World, but really the modern world doesn't do death.

00:30:43

Well, we're.

00:30:44

Now I am.

00:30:45

We don't know how to.

00:30:46

To help people grieve.

00:30:48

We don't leave them space to grieve.

00:30:51

We don't have rituals around grieving anymore.

00:30:54

We just don't know how to handle it.

00:30:59

And when it comes to losing a baby.

00:31:01

That you've carried and now they're gone shortly after they've.

00:31:09

Join your family and really babies.

00:31:12

Join your family when you first get pregnant and you know that you're pregnant because things change.

00:31:17

Everything changes around your life and how you live your life and your body changes.

00:31:23

I mean, even if you're only pregnant for a few weeks, your body is already knows it's pregnant.

00:31:29

It's doing things differently and.

00:31:31

And it's.

00:31:33

When you lose that baby, you're we were talking about that before.

00:31:36

Your hormones are still adjusting and you're not going to be the same person you were before this happened ever because.

00:31:47

And I you touched.

00:31:48

On something really important there is we don't do death well and we don't do it at any stage of life.

00:31:54

But there's this thing about when a baby dies or.

00:31:58

Or if somebody has a stillbirth, people just expected.

00:32:03

Almost the next day it it's not literally the next day, but it feels like the next day.

00:32:09

Go back to work or, you know, just get on with it because.

00:32:14

It's like they're not recognised or the baby's not recognised.

00:32:18

And I don't think that that's everywhere and I don't think everybody, I'm not trying to categorize to say everybody does that but.

00:32:25

I think that there's this expectation that people are just meant to get on with things and they shouldn't have to, and I think we need to break down that barrier and be able to speak about openly that and recognize.

00:32:39

Yes, you have lost a baby and like you said at from conception that baby was.

00:32:46

There and I'm.

00:32:47

I'm not saying that I'm against, you know.

00:32:50

I totally hear you.

00:32:50

I'm not.

00:32:51

I mean, everybody's gonna have their own view on whatever on view on.

00:32:56

But I'm.

00:32:58

I'm with you and that you know.

00:33:02

A baby that's really, you know, really.

00:33:04

Wanted and you have a miscarriage or.

00:33:06

You have a stillbirth or a knee, Natal death, or even a, you know.

00:33:09

A child or death, any death.

00:33:11

It needs to be able to be.

00:33:13

Yes, needs it needs to be recognized and I think breaking down that barrier because even as we said breastfeeding and.

00:33:22

Sometimes that's still a taboo topic.

00:33:25

So why can't we break down that barrier and also being able to speak about death and we need to be able to do that in an open way for society.

00:33:35

So people don't feel like I just have to turn around and.

00:33:38

Go back to.

00:33:39

They should be given the time to grieve.

00:33:41

But people also need to be able to know how to speak to.

00:33:44

Somebody, when they realize that.

00:33:46

Somebody has lost a.

00:33:47

Baby and they need to be.

00:33:49

Able to feel comfortable saying.

00:33:51

Or actually.

00:33:52

I don't know what to say.

00:33:54

I'm so.

00:33:55

Because that's OK as well.

00:33:57

It's OK not to know what to say, so I think.

00:34:01

Sometimes just a hug is enough.

00:34:03

Absolutely and just recognition.

00:34:06

That's enough and.

00:34:08

Yeah. So there's, there's.

00:34:09

So many parts to it and I'm like.

00:34:12

Ohh I don't know where to start Jill.

00:34:15

Because there's so much to it.

00:34:18

You know, it's one step at a time and it's like when you, when you want to change anything in your life, it's one step at a time, but it's it's taking.

00:34:25

That step and.

00:34:25

Taking that action, that's that's important.

00:34:28

So for me.

00:34:30

It's one step a day, and taking one action a day to to get it going and.

00:34:39

I'm excited.

00:34:40

So exciting.

00:34:41

So what's the one thing you want the audience to take away from our conversation so much?

00:34:49

Ohh good day.

00:34:50

So I'm just trying to think of this one thing I think for me the most the most important thing that I have realized is actually.

00:35:02

It's recognising the change that you want within yourself, but also then.

00:35:06

It's taking the.

00:35:07

Action towards it. It's not just saying this is what I'm going to do because nothing's gonna happen if you.

00:35:13

Don't do it.

00:35:13

So it's actually taking take that first step.

00:35:17

The first step is the hardest, but until you take that first step, let's just take a small step.

00:35:23

Take that first small step.

00:35:27

And then it's just one foot in front of the other.

00:35:28

And I know that that sounds like it's just a, you know, throw away line, but it's that first small step is the hardest you'll ever take, and it will get easier.

00:35:41

A lot.

00:35:41

And we need to.

00:35:41

Of that involves making a decision.

00:35:45

And do you know what I've recognised lately?

00:35:47

It's quite funny.

00:35:48

And my partner and myself laugh about this.

00:35:51

I can make big just now.

00:35:53

I couldn't before I can make big decisions easily.

00:35:57

And I make a big decision and I act on it immediately, and I'm talking about decisions that will change my life and other people.

00:36:04

'S lives.

00:36:05

But I cannot decide what to order for dinner or what to make for dinner.

00:36:09

I can't make small decisions because it's almost.

00:36:11

As if it doesn't.

00:36:12

Matter it it has no impact in my life.

00:36:15

Don't ask me to make a decision like that.

00:36:18

Don't ask me to to do that bit.

00:36:21

But tell me that I need need to make.

00:36:23

A big decision done.

00:36:25

And I will take the action to do that.

00:36:27

And it's it's.

00:36:28

Yeah, it's the decisions.

00:36:33

The decisions are.

00:36:34

Hard, but once you do it and you.

00:36:36

Take that action.

00:36:37

You're not going to regret it.

00:36:40

Because it will be right.

00:36:42

It's easier to.

00:36:43

Move a ship that's at sea like a an aircraft carrier than it is to move.

00:36:49

It up the dock.

00:36:50

And there's lots of opportunity for it to go in any direction as long as you're moving.

00:36:58

In a direction.

00:36:59

That's right. That's right.

00:37:00

And and if.

00:37:03

You can make a decision, and if it turns out to be not so right, it's not.

00:37:07

Going to be wrong.

00:37:09

But if you decide that actually that one's not working for me would change it like you.

00:37:12

Said change the direction, that's OK.

00:37:15

But as long.

00:37:16

As you actually take that first step and take the action, otherwise nothing's gonna change and you're always going to go back into that victim motality model mentality.

00:37:27

I can't speak.

00:37:28

It you'll go back into that victim mentality because it's you can only do it for yourself.

00:37:34

Nobody can do it.

00:37:35

For you.

00:37:38

I agree.

00:37:39

So how could people?

00:37:40

Get in touch with you if they want to reach out and learn more.

00:37:43

About what?

00:37:43

You're doing and participate in it even.

00:37:47

So I have got a website so it creates your glow dot.

00:37:50

Com and you can also e-mail me at chat.

00:37:53

I really can't.

00:37:54

Speak, Jill, this is.

00:37:56

I think I need to.

00:37:57

I'm doing great.

00:37:59

Chelsea@createyourglow.com as well. And I'm also on Facebook so.

00:38:05

It's create you.

00:38:07

Perfect.

00:38:08

And we'll make sure we put those in the show notes below.

00:38:11

Thank you so much for joining me today.

00:38:14

Chelsea, this has been just such an honor to get to chat with you really enjoy it.

00:38:18

No, thank you, Jill.

00:38:20

Thank you so much.

00:38:20

For having me.

00:38:21

And yeah, I look forward to chatting with you and speaking about the program and.

00:38:28

In the future, you've been amazing.

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