Ann Allen – Grief Recovery: Listening, Healing, and Hope

Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we have with.

Us Ann Allen. Ann

Is a grief and advanced. Didn't want to forget that part. Advanced grief recovery specialist, Reiki master speaker coach and she's just added dolphin and whale energy healing to her repertoire. We're so excited to have you here Ann

And find out all about these great modalities that you offer. Thanks for joining us today.

Well, thanks so much for having me. It's, I'm just thrilled to be here. Thank you.

So tell us.

Tell us all about you. How did you get started in this field? Kind of different.

Ohh boy. OK, so that was like 15 years ago. It was when I was still working as a nurse. I was working in a hospital, Southern California, and one of my colleagues came up to me and said.

Ann, I think you'd make a great.

Grief recovery specialist. I'm going.

Why would you tell me you've never heard?

Of it, right?

So we have a little a little chat and.

I said OK, I'll go to the next training and I did. And ohh boy all I can say is I wish I had have had that training for all of my nursing career from when I started the lessons, the skills, the tools that.

It's given me.

Life changing, but now at least I.

Get to share that with others.

So, yeah, 15 years ago.

Life changing for others, I'm sure too, because grief is one of those things we just.

Oh my gosh, yes.

Don't talk about.

Suffer in silence like a good person. So what? What are your thoughts on that?

Right.

Right.

Well, there's so much misinformation out there, Jill. That's a problem. People really don't know how to deal with it because it makes us completely uncomfortable, takes us out of our comfort zone, and we really just don't know what to say or do.

And then we get to think there's something wrong with us if we're the person grieving, or if we're the person trying to help the person who's grieving, we think there's something wrong with us because everything we say is just either met with a blank look or a smile, or, yeah, I'll do that or I'm fine. I'm OK and you know, you're not really helping or making a difference.

And that makes everybody feel very uncomfortable and inadequate.

So do you mostly work with the person?

Who's going through the grief?

Or do you also coach people that are dealing with people who are dealing with grief?

Oh, that's a very good question. Most people come to me because they've either had a significant loss or they've had a loss in the past and they're still struggling with. So I primarily work with people who are going through grieving, but anybody who is dealing with helping someone with grief is often triggered by their own grief.

So he ended up working with them too.

Yeah, I can see how that would happen because.

We tend to vibrate at the same frequency that those around us vibrate. And so if somebody is going through trauma, then you're going to start vibrating the same way because all vibrational beings and I can see how that would bring up.

Grief in their own life. How? How you.

Describe grief.

Oh, thank you for asking that question.

I really appreciate that.

Because a lot of us get it in our heads, you know, it's all about death and dying, which, of course it is. Or divorce, you know, death and divorce. They're the two biggies that I always hear. But if we look at it from the viewpoint that it's actually all of the conflicting normal and natural emotional responses.

We Have when we have.

A loss that's significant to us and that's a long roundabout way of saying, you know, if we lose something that's really important to.

Us we're going to.

Grieve for it, OK.

But we're going to have conflicting emotions around it. Usually there could be sadness, it could be guilt there.

Could be happiness.

It could be regrets there.

Would be feeling betrayal, distrust. Many, many things come up around grief. And so we kind of like, well, what's wrong with me? I don't know. Should I be feeling this way? Well, yeah.

Absolutely everything is normal and natural all the way from and, dare I say it, homicidal rage. Please don't act on it up to ecstasy. That are not so loved. One has gone or now you have your life back and we don't know how to deal with those because we feel conflicted.

And and do you find that people that are experiencing grief can feel a lot of the different emotions all at the same time? Like you can be really relieved that someone's gone because they were, you know, taking a lot of your time and energy and reset?

And yet still feel tremendous sadness and.

At the at.

The because you're not going to be able.

To see them anymore.

Is that normal?

Absolutely. Thank you. That is a really wonderful question. So let's say for example we.

Have somebody who?

Who has died from a long battle with cancer? Right. They've been suffering. They're in pain and now.

They're gone.

OK, they died. Oh my gosh, I you know, I I'm in such disbelief that they have died, but they're not suffering anymore. But I miss them. But they're not suffering anymore. But they're not in pain. But I miss them. And I'm sad. Yes, but now I have my life back. Ohh. Now I feel guilty. So yeah. Absolutely. And.

That can go around in our minds and create all kinds of habit, because now we think there's something wrong with us for feeling happy that we have a life back again. I really should be feeling guilty. So yeah, you nailed it. You absolutely nailed it.

And anger, anger is another one of those emotions where we feel bad and and we can feel guilty for feeling angry at a person leaving. Maybe they left us a bunch.

Of debt or?

A bunch of things that we have to deal with in order to like take care of their estate and yet we still.

Miss them because.

We love them.

Were met.

Yes, you nailed it. Absolutely. And again, it makes us feel wrong. It makes us feel like there's something wrong with us. They're feeling that way. Well, here's a newsflash, folks. No, it's normal and natural. And I can guarantee you.

Everyone who goes through the loss of something that's significant to them is going to have emotions, somewhat. Not everybody's going to feel the same. There's certainly going to be a lot of repeat emotions in different people, but we all have our own reaction. Because here's the kicker, every relationship is unique. No exceptions.

So that means every person we're going to grieve may be somewhat similar, but there's going to be a lot of differences as well.

And if you lose several.

People, you're going to have different reactions to each one.

I would assume.

Yes, absolutely, it sounds like.

You're a bit of an expert about this yourself.

Jill, just going off of what I've what?

I've personally experienced but.

No, you're absolutely right. Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

So how do you actually work?

With people, I mean, what's the mechanics of it?

Oh, good question.

So what I do is not therapy and I do just want to make a blanket statement here. I have the greatest respect for therapists. I have the greatest respect for a support group. They definitely all have their place in what we do. But what they do is not therapy. It's actually action based steps.

To work with.

People for a specific amount of time, and we do weekly sessions.

And what it really is all about is understanding what grief and loss is and what your grief and loss means to you. Because nobody else's opinion matters, no matter how much you love someone, their grief is their business, because their it's their own feelings that they need to be able to deal with.

And if we're trying to look at it from the different lens.

It doesn't work.

It's probably better to have a coach like you than to just depend.

On our friends because.

Yes, simply because most people just don't know what to say or do. We're really at a loss. We don't know. You know, if somebody's grieving, it's like, Oh my gosh.

What's the first thing you want to do? You want to fix it, right? You want to help them feel better. It's the most natural thing in the world. We want somebody to feel better, so we start looking around.

And and our life lessons tool bag and it's like, ohh where's my grief tools that don't have any? OK, what do I do? Well, you know I what have I heard people say. Ohh yeah, yeah. You know you'll feel better in time. Don't worry. You can always get another dog or very sadly don't worry. You're still young enough you can have other.

Children. Or don't worry, he wasn't good enough for you and and on and on it goes. And then unfortunately, one of the things that is so very, very difficult for people to hear is and please avoid this at all costs.

I know how you feel.

Once we say exactly, but we say it because we don't know what else to say, right? It's like, well, I know how you feel because when my mom died, you know, we're trying to help that person feel like we understand them and can empathize. This is what makes Greece so very, very difficult.

No, no you don't.

Because we can't feel somebody else's pain, we can't fix it. We can't take it away. We can't.

Make it better.

And so we feel completely inadequate because at the end of the day, grief is completely inconvenient for everybody.

It's so personal. What? What tips?

Would you have for somebody who is?

Come in contact with the person that is grieving.

What? What would you?

Say to that person in order to help them.

Beyond, you know, call Ann. Ann can help you. Yeah.

So we definitely want.

Him to do that but just you know.

What kinds of things can you say to somebody who is grieving? That would be helpful and and?

And make you feel like you're doing something because everybody wants to be doing something even.

If it's wrong.

So let's try to help them do it right.

Thank you so much for asking that.

Question. I really appreciate it.

And you know, The funny thing is, less is more, less is more when it comes to this. So first of all, the number one thing, please just listen.

Please just listen to what the person has to say and I understand there comes a point when you've heard it 50,000 times. It's like, oh, if I hear that one more time and I understand that. But the most important thing is to just listen.

If you're going to offer help, make sure that it's real and that you're not just saying it as something to say you know, if you say, hey, you know, what do you need, what can I do? Or you need to go to the doctor or you need to go over to, you know, you have appointments. Yes. I'll be there to help you. So whatever you're going to.

Do follow through.

With that, OK and please understand that.

If somebody's just had.

A major loss in their.

Lives they may not be functioning the way they normally do, because a lot of people walk around in a fog. You know, they go through the motions and it's like, how did I get in the kitchen? How did I get to?

The grocery store I.

Don't remember doing that.

So a little grace for them and.

For you give each other some space.

And don't try and jump in there.

And fix it and make it better. Just accept the fact that some people want to talk. Some people don't. Some people want to hug. Some people don't. Please make sure hugs are OK first.

I'm a real hugger, and I'm you'll come.

Here and I'll give.

You a hug kind of thing.

But I always ask first because that's very important.

As well, and respect the fact that some people might not want to show you their grief. They could be very embarrassed. They could be very upset about it. So those are the most.

Important things listen.

Offer help. That's genuine help that's going to really be of service to them and give everybody some space. Take a.

Breath and just.

Step back.

Give everyone some space.

Wise words, wise words, very helpful because you know, like I said, when you run into somebody who is grieving obviously and you just don't know what to do.

You'll just take.

Take those in stride and try practicing that so.

I want to hear about the dolphin whaling healing energy healing because that is so interesting to me.

It's fascinating. Oh, it's fascinating. Well, I've been doing healing energy work for many, many years.

How do you incorporate that?

And I actually use it as an optional part of the grief recovery too. We do the grief recovery, and then we do the energy work or for those people who don't like the energy thing we do, life coaching. So that's all included in what I do. But with the dolphin and whale energy healing, it is so amazing and so fun.

Because as you and and I'm sure most of our listeners who have had any kind of introduction to healing energy, you know it's from source, it's from the universe. But when we're doing dolphin and whale energy healing, of course their energy comes from source as well. But they are actual beings on this planet. So it's a little different it. It brings in a wonderful aspect.

And people just love dolphins and whales. I, you know, most people are not scared of dolphins. Some might be of.

Whales because of their.

Size. They can certainly understand, but most people react so beautifully to do.

Orphans because they're so friendly and so gentle. And what I love about the dolphin and whale energy just on its own is that they are coming in more and more and they are making an emphasis on healing our hearts. And that is.

So important because, well, we don't need to talk about where the world is. We all know where the world.

That is, but what are we doing moving forward? We're going to be healing our hearts, and that's why I love the grief work, because it heals hearts and then bringing the dolphin and whale energy healing in also heals hearts as well. So it's very powerful, very profound, very relaxing. And it's just a wonderful, wonderful.

Dealt and I'm very, very honored and and grateful to be able to do it.

So how does that work practically? Do you take them to the beach? And I'm curious.

Well, actually I could. Yeah, sure. We could go to the beach anytime. Great. I'd love to go to the beach with people. In fact, I'd love to. So I live in Vancouver, WA. I'm not really buying.

I guess I'm by the Columbia River, but I'm not too sure about going into that, but no, basically it is all done as distant healing. I do all of my sessions online and it's just really about taking the people into a safe space, getting them into that relaxed space and then they.

ChAnnl through me and then I share with them what I'm receiving and I've seen them do things with the, with bodies, with body parts. I've seen them skin I've seen.

Them roll back things on a cellular level. It's just incredible.

Just incredible.

Not what I expected at all.

No, no, no, it's it.

Sounds more like the a classic.

Journey that I went.

On Classic Records journey like.

It's look for every, every person. It's different. I also work with couples, people who want to heal their heart connections, you know, face them.

Conflict or mistrust or something like that, or groups of three to five people as well. Yeah. And of course, one-on-one. But with the emphasis of healing the heart connection. So yeah, it's very powerful and very interesting. It's different.

It sounds fascinating.

I'm all about the woo so.

Yeah, well, me too. Me too. Yeah.

And and grief is kind of a an interesting an interesting topic in terms of the loop because it's.

About energy and that everybody has certain energies and.

And when you?

Lose things. You're losing them in.

In the reality that you've created for yourself.

But they're not really gonna.

Nothing disappears, it just disappear.

Appears from your reality, but it doesn't disappear from existence.

Does that make sense?

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I'm all about the connection to be on, but I do want to make it very clear because some people come to me and they have no interest in energy work whatsoever. So the grief recovery that I do is very, very educationally presented. It has no sense of who, unless that is a person.

And then we integrate that into it. But yes, I love to go be.

And and look at the connection, because it's never it's. It's never really gone. But you know, it depends on the person's belief. As a matter of fact, I've just been approached to write a short story about mediumship for animals and.

I have I.

Have a couple of wonderful examples of my own Kitty who died and how she came back and she hijacked a podcast and she used an oak tree down in Sedona. I mean, you know, they will find a way to come through and and.

Tell us that they're there.

Get the message across.

I've experienced it personally when my own mom passed and we had some, we had some difficulties in our relationship and she came back and it was like.

All better like.

Like all the all the struggles that we've gone through and.

Life together here had just, like, totally disappeared. And she came like, three or four times to me in a dream and.

Then, then she.

Left. She's like. I'm OK. You're OK.

Yeah. And it's different. It's different when they come back because they're coming from a different point of view. You know they have, they're.

Are you like?

Different a different space, a different realm.

If you were.

And I do mediumship too. So I do have people that come through. I have, and if I'm working with people with pet loss, oftentimes the animals will come through, but only if that person is open, you know, to it. But I find most of the people that come to me are very open to.

To energy and to you know, the possibilities that exist beyond. But yeah, well, you know, have forces over my shoulder or dogs or they'll come and sit on my desk in front of me and. Yeah, so they like to be heard and they will use any way that they can to come through and to get us a message, whatever that might be.

Yeah. And even if you.

Don't think that you believe in all of these things. You do suddenly find that there's stuff you can't explain happening.

Ohh yeah, it's.

And like.

You. You're welcome to deny it if you want.

Why? Why?

Well, I myself.

You know, like I said, I've been aware of energy and and and all of this for many years and.

And there came a point.

Where it was.

Just so much and and I just wasn't ready for it. So I said that's it. It's an all or nothing thing. And I blacked.

It out and then.

You know for like 10 or so years nothing because it was my choice. But then.

You get that tap.

And then you get that the little.

Tap further up, you know until it's going. Hello.

Anybody in there? It's time to wake up again. So yeah, there comes a point where you just can't ignore it and for whatever reason, you have to step up and do what you're here to do.

Do you feel like as?

We're both older women. So as you've gotten older, it's just been like, OK, I've ignored this long enough. I know what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm stepping into it and we'll see where this goes.

Yeah, absolutely. And I can embrace that more now.

Because, you know, we, we still have fears and doubts and everything obviously because we're human, we wouldn't be here. But yeah, it's I think for a lot of people it's finding their purpose. You know, when I'm working with people with life coaching, it's everybody wants to.

Know what their purpose is and.

What's my passion? What's my purpose? And most of us know what brings us alive. But for me, I've I.

Found myself constantly asking source. Well, you know, Am.

I supposed to.

Be doing the grief recovery. Am I supposed to be doing the healing? What am I supposed to be doing? So you know, I just end up doing what? What feels good and it's always been those two, the grief recovering them.

And the healing, because they really you.

Know I often find myself jumping up and down my chair. I won my phones before they work.

With me, you know I'm going.

To get really passionate about this.

But yeah, it's.

It's one of.

Those things that I think I will be doing for the rest of my life and my goal now is to actually retire in two years and to travel the world and be of service, to be boots on the ground. You know, when there's a natural disaster to be.

Able to use.

Although I don't currently, you know not.

Currently nursing, but to use my background for that and to use the grief recovery, be able to go on site and and help people in whatever way I can.

OK.

What kind of nurse were?

You but everything I worked with transplant people. I worked with HIV. Oh my gosh, that was so humbling and so beautiful. I saw so many, so many beautiful examples of real love. When I was working with the HIV people.

General nursing. Yeah. It's just very, very interesting of being in the health field for over 40 years.

Yeah, it's.

You must have been in the 80s.

70s I was, yeah.

70s and 80s.

Yeah, I started when I was 17.

I know that the aids, the really bad part of the AIDS epidemic happened in the 80s and it was.

Yes, yes, it was. Yeah, I.

It was really horrible, but.

I think because we didn't have the Internet back then not as many people, or at least not the young people, don't realize how.

How much impact it had on the really the whole world?

Ohh absolutely. I'm from New Zealand originally, but I was living in Australia at the time and I was nursing and I was doing what we call district nursing there, which is home health nursing here.

And HIV had just hit the scene, and I'm going to tell you I was there in.

It and dealing with patients with it and there was so much fear and I don't blame people because, you know, good and bad that we have the Internet because yes, there's good and bad things that are, you know, circulated through that.

But we had people.

Gowning up and hazmat gear because they didn't know they didn't know how it was spread.

And then I was dealing with a population of homosexual gentlemen and unfortunately they were targeted because everybody thought it was a gay disease. Well, that's not the case. Yeah, that might have been how it was spread. But if we have a look at how the main demographic in the world today, it's quite different.

And I would just like to make this public service announcement. It's still out there. Please do not think it's gone away. Please do not think it's OK to have unprotected sex. Please, I beg of you. Just understand it's still there and it's still just as significant. Yes, we have treatments for it, but it's still there.

And it's.

Yeah, and it's still destroying lives and.

Yes, and it still has a stigma around it.

Yeah, yeah. Talking about grief.

Very sad, very sad.

Well, yes, definitely yes.

So don't bring grief on your friends.

And loved ones.

Protect yourself.

Yes, please. At all costs, all it is all you need is a condom and some common sense. Go out and have a fabulous, fulfilling sex life, but just be safe for everybody. Think of everybody, not just yourself.

Yeah, yeah. And and not even just your partner. It's the people that you're going to meet in the future and your children and your families because.

Because everybody's involved might think you're alone, but you're not.

Right. And I got to ask you about.

The skydiving because.

I think that's just like so amazing.

Well, it took a took a bit of courage to do it, but it was it was one of the I've only done it the one time and and yes, I would.

Like to do.

It again, but I figured you know I it was probably one of my biggest fears and I'm all about facing fears and I make myself deuced and.

And at the time I was riding my motorcycle and I thought, you know what? I better not ride my motorcycle there and and do it cause what if I.

Fall and hurt myself and break my ankles. So because I wanted to be a full on, you know, adrenaline packed, you know, revving up the bike, going there. And I thought, well, we better just dial that back because I'm like, you know, I could injure myself. So I took my car.

But I figured.

It this way when you jump out of a.

Plane. You got no worries.

You are not worrying about. Did I pay my electric bill? You know, not worrying about where's the money coming from? Or, you know anything like.

That it's just.

It's incredible freedom. It's the most when you're, when you're free falling. Oh, my gosh. And now nothing's fast enough for me, you know, been zip lining and and all this. It's nothing's fast enough. Once you've gone skydiving. So it kind of ruined you for that. But yeah, it's a fun thing to do.

I can't even begin to imagine.

And I got the pictures to prove it.

Oh my God, I don't think I'd have the presence of mind. I don't think I'd be conscious if I came out of an airplane. I would. It would just.

I would black out it just.

You'd Be amazed. Give yourself some grace around it. You'd be amazed. Because here's the thing. On this planet we are used to falling into something or to enter into something, right? But when you're in a plane and you're about to fall out of the plane.

noThing there is to catch you, and it's the most liberating, scary, exhilarating, frightening experience ever, because it's not something we experience every day, and it might just be.

A good thing?

Yeah, I'll. I'll save that for the.

Next go around.

We can't. We got no takers today.

Yeah, yeah.

My son did it, but I'm. I'm just thinking.

That's a no go for me.

Well, you know it. It's amazing. Yeah. I just woke up one day and did it. You might, too. Who knows? But.

Yeah who knows

Yet you never know. Never shut the door on possibilities.

Not a probability, but it is still a possibility.

That's a good attitude.

So, Ann, how could people get in touch with you?

Well, I believe you're going to be posting my information down there. So the best way they can get in touch me is really just, hey, give me a call.

Pick up the.

Phone if I'm not with a client or otherwise engaged, or they can also go to my site there which you have down there healing life and grief as dot me dot

As dot me and then you can see what services offer there's all kinds of things on there.

But yeah, that's the best.

Way to get in touch with me.

And finally, what's the one thing you.

Want to leave the audience with today?

Ohh thank you for asking that question. Please don't stay stuck in your grief it is.

A life.

Ha lived.

Absolutely. Thank you so much.

For joining me today, this has been.

A marvelous conversation.

Ohh, fantastic. Excuse me. Thank you so much for.

Having me, Jill, I love it. I've.

Loved talking with you. Thank you for all the wonderful questions. Thank you very much.