People pleasing might sound harmless—even admirable—but what if it's quietly stealing your joy, your identity, and your ability to live authentically? In a recent episode of the You World Order Showcase Podcast, Jill Hart sat down with Paige Chavez, a coach who helps women break free from the cycle of people pleasing and reclaim their lives. Here are the key takeaways from their powerful conversation.
The Hidden Struggle of People Pleasing
Paige Chavez shared her own journey of overcoming people pleasing—a habit she struggled with for years without even realizing it.
Growing up as a spunky, happy child, Paige noticed a shift during her teenage years. She became distant, numb, and felt as though she was merely observing her life rather than living it. This inner conflict, or what she describes as “cognitive dissonance,” arose because her actions didn’t align with her values and beliefs.
“I felt like the person I was inside was not how I was acting,” Paige said. “And that was truly miserable.”
For Paige, people pleasing wasn’t about being the outgoing neighbor who bakes cookies for everyone. It showed up in deeper, more insidious ways, like staying in unhealthy relationships and struggling with boundaries.
She eventually discovered a life-changing insight: “A people pleaser will sacrifice their very identity to keep people happy.” This realization sparked a journey of self-discovery and transformation.
The Roots of People Pleasing
Where does people pleasing come from? Paige explains that it often begins in childhood. A person learns, consciously or unconsciously, that their worth is tied to others' approval. This belief leads to patterns of behavior aimed at earning love and avoiding rejection.
But as Paige points out, these tendencies are rooted in fear and insecurity. “The opposite of people pleasing isn’t selfishness,” she says. “It’s authentic living and loving.”
Breaking Free: The Three Steps to Overcome People Pleasing
Through her coaching, Paige developed a three-step process to help people pleasers break the cycle:
- See Things as They Are: The first step is recognizing the issue. People pleasing isn’t “just being nice.” It’s a destructive pattern that can lead to regret, resentment, and a loss of identity. Paige emphasizes the importance of facing this reality and acknowledging its impact on your life.
- Anchor Yourself: People pleasers often feel like leaves blowing in the wind, constantly swayed by others’ expectations. Anchoring involves grounding yourself in your values, strengths, and unchanging truths. It’s about finding stability and building inner confidence.
- Set Boundaries: While setting boundaries might seem like the first step, Paige believes it’s more effective after doing the inner work. Once you’re anchored, you can set boundaries that are clear, lasting, and aligned with your authentic self.
The Power of Self-Care and Authenticity to Overcome People Pleasing
Paige also shared her perspective on self-care, which she describes as “self-nourishment.” She likens personal growth to the life cycle of a tree. Just as a tree has roots, branches, and fruit, we need to nourish our body, mind, heart, and soul. When we do this, we grow and flourish, and our “fruit”—our ability to give to others—comes naturally.
Living authentically means embracing all seasons of life, including the challenging ones. As Paige says, “If you can be patient with yourself and nourish yourself, the rewards are amazing.”
Practical Tools for People Pleasers
Paige offers practical tools to help people pleasers take back control of their lives. One standout resource is her free guide: “53 Phrases to Say No in Any Situation.”
“Sometimes it’s tough to find the words,” Paige explains. “This guide provides respectful ways to say no, tailored to different scenarios like work or personal values.”
Takeaway: Your Authentic Happiness Matters
Paige’s story and insights remind us that it’s okay to be ourselves. In fact, it’s essential.
“There’s only one of you in the world,” Paige says. “Taking care of yourself is what will give you the ability to give later on.”
If people pleasing is stealing your joy and authenticity, now is the time to take action. Reclaim your identity, anchor yourself, and set boundaries that reflect the real you. Because when you live authentically, you don’t just find happiness—you share it.
Connect with Paige Chavez
Want to learn more about overcoming people pleasing? Paige offers a variety of resources to support you on your journey:
- Join her Facebook Group: A supportive community for women overcoming people pleasing.
- Participate in a Free 3-Day Challenge: Learn how to break free from people pleasing from the inside out.
- Download her Free Guide: “53 Phrases to Say No in Any Situation.”
Let Paige help you rediscover your authentic happiness and live a life aligned with your values. The journey starts with one small, courageous step.
free guide: 53 phrases to Say No in Any Situation for People-Pleasers
https://pages.paigechavezcoaching.net/free-guide-1
If you want to connect with Paige Chavez or learn more about her work, you can join her Facebook group or sign up for one of her free 3-day challenges designed to help you overcome people-pleasing from the inside out.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1695820784254692
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