Nanci Reed – Breaking Free from Perfectionism and Embracing Happily Ever Now!

Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we are talking with Nanci Reed. Nanci is from practical spirituality for self healing. She's a sacred embodiment, coach, author, intuitive amplifier and Pilates instructor. She believes in the impossible things.

Happily ever living. Is there a signature process? And I almost want to say after we get there. I'm a big fairy tales fan.

I love that.

And you put it that way because it it's so important that we it speaks to me of being in the present rather than, you know, the happily ever after is like always someday.

So welcome to the show and.

Thank you so much, Jill.

How did how did you?

Get started. Tell us your story.

Oh my goodness. Well, yes. So my signature process is called a happily ever living and my first book that I wrote this past spring.

Was called happily ever now, and so exactly what you were saying about a modern twist on the real fairy tale, right, which is that we are the heroine of our own story. And so while other than waiting for that time after.

For something to come together for somebody to validate us for another check off of our checklist to happen in order for us to begin living our best life.

Why not choose now instead? And so that's really the foundation for all the different hats that I wear and all the different work that I do. And I guess if I was going to say, where did it start, would be probably childhood, because I was one of those daughters and sisters and friends and everything.

That came into this.

World with having an ability to pick up on energy with what we would say now is empathic, right? But when I was growing up, that was something that wasn't really talked about very much and certainly not in my friend circles in the preschool or the kindergarten or anything like that. So I couldn't really explain.

How that I came in to being knowing things that I hadn't learned.

Knowing how to anticipate things in in certain spaces like, I could feel the energy before I went inside. And yet there was this part of me that knew that again, this wasn't something that everybody was going through, or at least that they weren't willing to talk about. And so I figured I better keep it close to myself.

Do and do my best to become a chameleon on every level where I would use this ability to pick up on energy and to anticipate things and to adjust myself.

But to actually hide in plain sight with it rather than share it and.

Be visible about it.

I have a question about that and it's alright if you're not comfortable answering, but did you ever find that it impacted your health? Keeping that information to you so?

Oh yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. I had many, many, many health challenges as a child and I still have anytime that I find myself wanting to play small again or that my inner critic, inner perfectionist like I call him.

My book sneaks up, then certainly I have health.

Issues that present.

Whether they be emotional, health, spiritual health or physical health, or all of the above and absolutely, I was constantly missing school. As a child. I remember the teachers even asking my mother they'd be like, is she really sick this much and, you know, and everything.

And my mom to that her credit, she knew that it was challenging for me to be around different.

Energies and she didn't quite understand on the same level of having that experience, but she could see that I was distressed by others in in such a magnified way compared to, let's say, like my brother. Right. And. And so she was very kind and compassionate and meeting me where I was. So even though she was on.

One hand telling me to go ahead, do your best, be like everybody else and everything.

That, on the other hand, she knew there were days that I needed to recharge, that I needed to just go in, kind of to my little cocoon. And this was before I learned about grounding or anything else like that and.

So I was.

Just this open vessel basically for all the feelings for all the emotions, good and bad, in in, in around me.

And I had no way to really express that other than in my diary. I would write things I would try to sing songs. I was really good at performing and taking on these different characters and things, but I never really felt like I could really talk about the dreams that I was having or the feelings that I was having.

That didn't make sense on the level of the world.

That it's so interesting. I I've been empathic. A large part of my life as well and never really understood what it was. And I too would have my stomach was like in my bowels. I was like constantly having problems with them and.

I lost my appendix and I think it was partly due to that when I was young because I didn't know what it was and we moved them around a lot and it was like I didn't really have any roots and my family was kind of disconnect.

Even though we were connected, but we it's hard to explain but anyway it.

It I can remember having physical issues because of that, and I remember the feeling that I would have. It's kind of interesting was interesting.

To me anyway, so back to you, your book.

Happily ever now. Is that right? Yeah. OK. So when did you write it? Where? What's it about?

Now yes.

Well, it took me 7 years, but really a lifetime of wanting to be an author and again always waiting for the after everything came together after I wrote the perfect story after I got the right contract after you know, all these different things.

But going through a few different experiences in my life, while right before actually I decided to write this book.

Book and I had tried to write books numerous times before. I'll just say that like I had. I have so many unfinished drafts.

Kind of ridiculous and I have even like 20 pages, 30 pages, 40 pages like all these and just my inner perfectionist would sneak up and be like, uh, this isn't ready. Nope. Nope. Nope, Nope, Nope. You can do better than this or. Nope. Nope. This isn't the story. And so really, this book was about me not only writing it.

But also living it as I was writing it and getting to share. And so the full title is happily ever now, not after everything else is perfect.

And it's a gentle guide for overcoming the paralysis of perfectionism by embracing our innate guidance. And so again, we teach best what we most need to learn, and that was certainly my experience. And. And so that that's the book, you know, kind of as an overview. It's a compilation.

Of a memoir. So I share my personal experiences coming into these awarenesses as well as sharing individual clients that I've worked with some testimonials from.

And then also I have a complete program that is called the mindset reset, which is a seven day sort of primer for the bigger program, which I usually offer as a small group online course with women. And I included it in the book this time and it's called.

Happily ever now. And it's a 12 week self study.

Money and you can repeat it as many times as you want. It's sort of similar to the artists way and the fact that while there are these 12 weeks to explore the different topics, you can repeat it anytime you want and you can go back to it. So it's really a book that can live with you as you are living. You're happily ever now and.

It's able then to allow you to trust yourself to know that if that book has found you, that there is a reason for it, and that part of that reason is about allowing yourself to experience this free.

Of living in the now and really allowing yourself to dream bigger and to actually experience yourself as valuing yourself at the level of your biggest dream before the dream itself has come true.

And that was such a game changer for me. And I've seen that as such a powerful shift with my clients as well.

That it's something I wanted to highlight in this book and then really from there, if you want to work with me privately or something, you certainly can. I do offer group sessions. I am completing my first online course as well as sort of an extension of the book and that's called living happily ever now and that is going to be a compilation.

That is available only.

Time in addition, so there's all these different things that you can do with the book. But again, I wanted to offer it with a complete offering rather than saying that, OK, now you read this story and hey, you've got to do some kind of upsell here in order to actually experience an application of the work that I'm talking about. And so instead, this is the.

Chance for the reader to really affirm their decision to choose this book to join them on their journey. And then, however, it's going to help them on their specific path. Then there are numerous different ways for them to go.

From the last page.

That's awesome. I like the way that you put that all.

Together. And so you.

From what I'm gathering from what you said, you have online group coaching, you have one-on-one coaching.

You have a group as well, that's just like.

Anybody can join.

That's right, it's called Sparkle Circle on Facebook.

OK.

OK.

What? Not happily. Ever now.

I never really never know.

We'll sparkle circle. Yeah. If you read the book, you'll see the significance of the word sparkle. It's very, very, very pivotal on my journey.

OK. Well, we'll leave that for the audience to.

Catch in your book. Go get her book. It'll be in the show notes. The link will be in.

The show notes below.

So what is? What is an intuition amplifier do?

Well, really that is for me to be able to hold the space for my client.

To look within themselves and to remember their own sound of their own inner voice, their own intuition, their own inner knowing, whatever word fits for them, is going to be the one that is going to meet them, right. And so by an amplifier. What I mean by that is that I hold the space.

I have that constancy to create that safety for them to look within themselves, so it's not me giving them my intuition about things. It's me listening to my own intuitive guidance and then asking the questions that allow them to pose.

Their own conversation with their own intuition, and then to amplify that and start to infuse that into all of their experiences, so that they become the constant in all of the change. And that actually is what makes things feel and be different is finding that.

In your consistency and trusting yourself enough and beginning to own that and then showing up as her and everything, and with everyone that you're interact with.

Yeah. How? How your mind.

Works is like how your life goes in my experience and it sounds like you're doing a lot of.

Mind shifting and mind reshaping, rewiring and.

Yes, but with gentleness not.

With judgment.

Yeah, I'm glad you pointed that out.

Because we tend to judge ourselves very harshly, and it it's really important, I think, to have somebody who's.

Able to hold the space for you to look at these things and not judge yourself over them.

But to give you tools to actually.

Facilitate the change that needs to happen in your own head before changes will happen around you. There's lots of science out there, you've got to you've got to be the change that you want to see happening. You have to embody it now.

No, absolutely.

And my background with a Masters degree in psychology. So understanding it on the one level, you know chemically as well as the different types of issues that we face within that. And then also the coaching right, putting that all together and then being a long time student and teacher of a course in miracles spiritual thought system that's based on.

For yourself.

Apology, too is it's kind of all infused into everything that I do and that's exactly the truth is that we need to be willing to make those shifts. But if we attack ourselves or we shame or blame, or compare ourselves when we're.

Looking right. And so that we're in the space of judgment, then we really can't be in that space of like I like to say kindness and curiosity where we're seeing it all so that we can heal it all without denial. But there needs to not be that lens of judgment and self judgment and preconceived judgment.

Because then we're limiting actually the outcome of self healing and we're keeping ourselves apart from that experience of self healing rather than being apart of it.

The Donna the physical level.

The our thoughts always release chemicals into our bodies, our emotions do, and our.

Thoughts do because?

Our thoughts generate emotions and emotions are just a chemical reaction that happens and it triggers a response in your body.

If you're constantly judging yourself, you're releasing one kind of chemical reaction that's contrary to.

Being able to feel, and it's really important that you Start learning how to develop those chemical reactions in your body that are positive.

That move you.

Forward and inspire you to do things and take action even when it might be kind of scary to.

Wander into some of these lanes, but.

That's where the.

Future can be so happily ever now, if you.

Can just like.

Shift into feeling it.

And having those experiences in your body become the more natural automatic spot that you land in rather than the judgmental critical place that some many live in because they just don't know that there's a different.

There's a different way.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And The thing is, is that, as sad as it is to say, it's pretty easy to be critical with ourselves. It's pretty easy to be judgmental. We don't have to look very far to do that. It's, it's kind of, you know, it's sad to say, but it's very, very, very true. Right. And we're having this honest conversation about this. And that's just it.

When you can have a light heart when you're looking at something that may or may not be something you want to continue, then again, it's not that you're denying anything, it's just that you're looking at it with that space of compassion and with curiosity and with gentleness.

And so then you're actually willing to get your ego out of the way and to instead invite in the possibilities that previously you believed were limited only by a certain outcome, being able to appear that was either going to be something happening or not happening. Right. So when we let go of that.

Instead, and we're aligned with the truth of who and what we are, then we can trust in the outcome meeting us at that truth rather than the limitation.

And we're.

We're allowed.

And this is kind of new for a lot of people. We're allowed to change. It's OK. It's OK to look at things differently. You might have held on to some belief systems that weren't serving you.

All that well, but.

Once you.

You let go of that.

That opportunities start opening up for you to explore other things that maybe even like better.

Then hanging on to whatever paradigm you were hanging on to. And it's just.

It's so fun to move through.

This is like.

Yeah, it is. It's.

The Enchanted forest. OK.

And that and that's just it, right. You're the heroine in your story. So have fun. Be curious. Like, you know, go back to the choose your own adventure pages of yesteryears. You know, authors and things like that and realize it's OK. It's OK to be curious and it's OK to talk about your stumbles. But when you talk about them.

Gently and when you talk about them as the things they are, which is a classroom, right rather than some kind of prison or some kind of thing that's keeping you.

Duck. Then you give other people the permission to talk about their own journey, too, and then you find the commonality. And so that's really the whole purpose behind me. Writing this book is I wanted other women out there, especially heart centered and pathic sensitive women that to know that if it's possible for one of us.

To embrace being there, perfectly imperfect self, that it's possible for.

Well, and that that really is true. What whether the form is that you're going to write a book that you're going to say yes to showing up differently in the PTA meeting or you're going to, you know, talk differently to your children or whatever it is that if you're going to stop waiting for something in the after to give you permission.

And instead align with the truth of you and know that you're always worthy.

Of living your own happily. Ever now. Now, anytime you're willing to choose it, that that is what shifts and then everything else comes into alignment with that and know everything is not going to be perfect, but it will.

Always be perfectly.

Imperfect, and so you can never fail, and that is such a gift.

When we really look at that because a lot of times when we're a perfectionist speaking for myself, what I realized when in writing my book especially is that there's this belief pattern that if I can give away my choices to someone or something external to me.

Then that means I'm off the hook for the outcome, and so I get to preserve my profession.

Right.

And really instead, that's not true. I'm not.

Off the hook.

Right. I did make a decision. My decision was to give away my choice and to give away.

My power that.

Is my decision, so it wasn't like I was free from making a decision.

I did make a choice, but if I can look at that, every outcome has purpose and then I get to choose what lens to perceive that through. Then that changes everything.

It really does change everything and it changes everything, not just for you, but for those around you when you.

When you choose to.

The imperfections.

OK.

It allows those around you to be able to appreciate them too, instead of constantly pointing out how.

Flawed it is.

If you can look at it and just appreciate it, the Japanese have this this thing about when something breaks a value breaks and they glue it back together with gold.

Then the thing that's.

That was broken. That's been repaired, is even more beautiful than the original.

And I like to look.

At things that way, when we're talking about, you know.

Trying to be.

Perfect. There is no perfection in this world.

And nothing is ever perfect, and nothing is ever.

It's never in the future and it's never in the past. It's only in the present. We only exist in this moment.

At any given point.

In our journey.

And this moment exists now, and it exists in the future and exists in.

The past.

It's there's, there's an energy about life that when you start trying to, like, manipulate it and force it to be the way that you believe it's going to be.

It causes.

Discontent and disharmony and you would think.

It wouldn't be that.

Way, but it always ends up that way.

And you, you fail to be able to appreciate.

What actually is?

Now 100% and there's a core teaching in, of course in miracles that says ideas leave not their source and so whether or not you believe that in that framework you can apply that idea though into your own life, which is that. However, the intention is that you can see give of an idea.

Then you're going to see that carried through in the execution of it.

And so if you conceive something from a place of limitation, or lack or judgment or fear, or any of those other things right, that are inner perfectionist loves to wear, then you're going to see the execution also reflect that. Whereas if you conceive something from a place of love and spaciousness and curiosity and gentleness and kindness.

Then the execution is also going to reflect that, and so the great thing about that is, is if you're ever seeing an outcome that you don't like, you can go back and you can tell yourself that, oh, well, then I must just have made a, you know, a silly choice or a wrong decision here, quote UN quote. So let me go.

Back and reset.

That right or let me go back and.

Look at that with a different perspective. Not even that it was wrong, but just that it was out of alignment with the truth of me. Right. So let me go and look at that and see how can I shift this.

Or how can I be curious about what it was that motivated me to do that rather than blame myself for it? But now I can look at it and go. OK, so when that shows up again, I'm going to remember this very gentle conversation I'm having with myself. And if something like this is triggering me or something like this is coming up, I'm going to look at it and go.

Oh, that's right. I can breathe here rather than make that instant decision. And I can take that pause of purpose and then choose differently. And then let's see if the outcome also is different now that I've made a different place for the initial intention.

I agree with that. And I also think that sometimes you can look at things that have already happened that you may have one reaction to intellectually.

And reframe it.

To allow yourself to appreciate it.

In in all its imperfection.

To find the lesson to.

To just.

Appreciate the outcome, whether it was the outcome.

That you expected.

Or something completely different?

It's if you take.

The good and bad, the right or wrong, out of looking at.

The event.

It allows you to be curious about it and are curious about, you know, what it's trying to tell you or show you or teach you and.

And maybe you don't want.

To have that experience again, so you make a different decision about.

The same kind of parameters that will show up again because they will, they always do.

It keep the lessons keep coming.

Back until you figure them out.

No, absolutely true. And that's that, that's just it is that they don't go away, right? Perfectionism doesn't go away because you read my book by any means.

My experience.

And it doesn't go away from writing a book like that either. It just means that when it shows up, I look at it a little differently. Now, does that mean that that I don't listen to it? Not always. Sometimes there are things that show up, and I go, oh, there's that rabbit hole again. And you know, like they're, I'm rolling that gutter ball again. But what I've noticed.

Is that when I do become aware of that?

Again, that my judgment of myself is much softer. My return back to that gentleness is a little bit quicker that it's a little bit less effort to, and so that lets me know that quote UN quote, there are no detours from my path that everything is my path.

And that those experiences are a part of it now, you know, maybe with time, quote UN quote, even though there is only the now, but maybe with time linearly it will seem as though things have become much less grippy and it.

Easier, but for now what I would say is that when I have those experiences, I actually talk about them and I you know, I'm very honest with my clients and with other people too and everything like that cause I want them to know this isn't about being perfect at being not perfect.

This is instead.

About embracing being perfectly imperfect, and So what that means is that we're going.

To have our.

Highs and our lows, but that, like you said, if you can look at them with neutrality rather than with positive or negative assignment.

Then you can always see the purpose in them and you can see that they are a part of your healing rather than apart from it. And that to know that healing isn't linear, so that anything that you are experiencing is going to be infused into all of our aspects that are perceived as part of time.

And that is what can be so healing and so empowering.

Yes, and it is. It's definitely circular. It could be a spiral, but it's going around and around and you're going to, you're going to recognize things the more times you, you wander through the experiences and they get better. It's just like nobody starts.

Perfect. And everything. Some people are gifted with some things and they just.

They're they are perfect at it.

But those are rare. We call them.

I was going to say autistic, but there's another name for it.

I can't remember, but they're just gifted.

And then they usually lack in.

Other areas of their lives they.

They have, like moms, for those people.

In the corporate where there's there.

Were like programmers in the.

Seventies, 60s and 70s and 80s when you know that all they could do was like program and they were just like.

They couldn't even bother to shower or wash their clothes.

So they needed. They needed their people.

Yes, very, very and we.

All do.

Yeah. And.

People like you who are coaches that can.

Come along and be their people for.

Them and help them, you know, gently, like.

Remind you to?

Walk on this path. It's a little easier.

You don't have to wander over there and.

Beat yourself up.

That's where the monsters are. There be Dragons there.

To keep with your metaphor of.

Happily ever now.

There you go.

So how do people get in touch with you if they want to work with you or they want to learn more about you or just want to join your Facebook group and?

Hang out with you. Absolutely. Yes. Come hang out. I love connecting so they can find me on my main website. Which is Nanci Reed. So NANCIRED.

Dot com.

They can also find me in the Facebook world that they can either look for my profile name on Facebook, under Nanci Reed. They can also find me in the Sparkle circle, which is my private Facebook community for heart centered women wanting collaborative and community.

And then they can also find me in the instant verse on Instagram at happily ever living or at Nanci and Ann read, and they can find my book at happily ever now book.com as well.

Perfect. And we'll make sure we put all those links in the show notes. So you don't.

Have to write them all down.

Right now so.

Nanci, what's the one thing you want to leave?

The audience with today.

Oh, what I'd like them to know is 2 things actually. So one thing is that now is always the perfectly imperfect time to begin living your best life and to support that I am offering a new free gift which is called the Align.

With love, self healing gift set.

And so this is a 15 minute guided meditation on inviting more gentleness into your experience as well as seven days of self healing journaling prompts. That is a PDF. So those two things are something that I'm so excited to get to offer, and it's just perfect for this time of year.

To about loving yourself and being in that healthy relationship with yourself, with gentleness and curiosity.

Give yourself your own Valentine this year and go.

Find that those downloads at Nanci's website.

Thanks so much for joining me, Nanci. This has been awesome.

Thank you so much. That's delightful.