Monika Diane – Wellness Secrets for Midlife Women

Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we are speaking with Monika, Diane. She helps midlife women and get their spark back. We're so glad to have you here, Monika. And I'm really excited to talk with you about all things midlife and beyond.

Thank you so much. I'm super glad to be here.

So tell us.

Your story. How did you get into this? What? What led you down this path?

Oh, goodness. Well, I've always been in the Wellness industry my entire life. Aerobics instructor personal trainer, so Wellness and mindset have always been a priority to me and how I got into specifically focusing on the midlife woman was well, of course, because I became one myself.

I had a really big health issue that I needed to take care of that had been building for a long time. I had breast implants and after 27 years of being really sick I got them out and that was when I was 49 years old. So doing any major body changes such as you know being a ***** belong to literally flat chested.

One right at the time where you're about to turn 50 was traumatic.

But I fared it fairly well. Now a lot of the women that I know that got them out didn't fare it so well. It's very difficult as you can only imagine because now of course our bodies are changing in more ways than one. Our face is changing, you know, we start to feel rather invisible in the world. You know, there's the cute little grandma who's modeling. And then there's the.

People that are younger us than us, but the midlife women kind of gets lost in the shuffle.

So I really wanted to empower women and to let them know that you know how you look physically on the outside definitely does not, doesn't determine your worth or your value or your contribution to society or even how beautiful and sexy you are. So that's kind of how I all got started.

I was reading your post on.

Body positivity and.

I have to say I do agree.

With you on.

A lot of the points you were making in there about just accepting yourself as unhealthy and being good with being unhealthy because that that's not really a good mindset to have just embracing.

Bad health.

That's just crazy, honestly. And I know there are a lot of people that are just like, you know, just to go with it. There's a difference between being healthy and a little bit overweight. And many midlife women who've had kids, you're just.

You're just there.

No matter what you do.

You're going to be there, but.

That's different than being obese and young and really no excuse.

For what's going?

On with your body and not taking care of it while you're young. Because when you get older, you really are going to have.

Big problems? Absolutely. You know I.

I've had five kids and I've been really.

Athletic and run around a lot that I'm not the skinny person I was when I was in my 20s, thirties, 40s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have to agree with you about that as a personal trainer, you know my entire life since I was in my early 20s, I was in the fitness industry, right. So good, 30 years of being around health and fitness and what I started to see over the last 10 years was exactly what you said. There's that whole body positivity movement.

And the problem is that it is promoting an unhealthy lifestyle or an unhealthy physical shape and you know.

I and it's.

A topic that ruffles people's feathers, right, because they say, well, I should be able to look a certain way and still, you know, be loved and beautiful and yes, you can. But ultimately when you go to the doctor, you know those extra £100 or £50.

Are weighing on your heart right and it's causing a lot of other things like diabetes too, and insulin resistance and all of these things, and that is not healthy so.

And when it comes to being midlife, I have actually found a very similar thing that has happened especially with some of the people that I grew up with that they just accept that this is. Well, I'm older now. This is just the way it is and it's actually not, it's because of our lifestyle in this modern society, the foods that we've been told to eat.

You know, you go to the grocery store and most people down the center aisle, and they pick up the bags and the boxes and all of those things really are contributing to. No, it's not right. And that is the reason why the midlife woman has the problems that she does when it comes to the weight gain. So.

Not really food.

You know, genetically, we're not actually supposed to gain a ton of weight, but you add in all of these exterior factors and then you gain the mid life 10/15/20, whatever it is and then a lot of women just settle into, well, this is what happens when you get older and while it does happen, it doesn't have to happen.

So I want women to realize that they actually can undo the weight gain. They can feel energy, they can have better. So all of those things that there's absolutely 100% possible and.

I mean, as a personal trainer, when I went through the menopause change at 52, so you know, in May I'll be 55. So it's almost, it's almost going to be 3 years, right. And I was shocked. I didn't think for a second that it would happen to me because I'm right. I do all these things, I do everything right and it happened to me.

I gained 13 pounds and then I was devastated.

And because it wasn't the image of myself that I had known myself to be, and you know, when you take care of yourself, you expect certain results, right? But that's when I realize that there's a lot more to it at this stage of the game, so went down the rabbit hole, did all that and I.

Lost £16.00, so I decided to knock off an extra 3 not dieting.

Just following the basic principles of what women need to know at this stage in life and.

Yeah. And it and this side effect of course is now I have a lot more confidence, you know, yes, the wrinkles are there on the face, the hair is Gray although you know it's highlighted at the moment. But I mean that's OK. I feel really good. You know, I feel really good and life is really all about feeling good and loving who you are and.

And just enjoying every single moment and.

And I don't want to grow old, being sick or getting sick because of how I've treated my body.

So when you.

I can totally.

I'm on the same page with you on.

That, just like there's things you can do as you get older, you do lose muscle mass if you don't exercise and you know even little things like lifting light weights, you don't, you don't.

You get rid of you.

I don't know if you have kids.

Or not but.

When you're in your 20s and you have kids, you're getting exercise because you're lifting kids.

And as they get older, you get stronger, right?

Right.

And that sounds really silly, but.

No, I can only imagine. I mean, carrying around a 30 pound kid, right? That's a lot.

It's a lot and it's, you know, it's one exercise program, but as you get older and your kids get older and you start carrying them around the.

You don't think about, you know, maintaining that muscle mass and the muscle mass is actually where metabolism happens. And I think that's part of it's just part of the problem. When you hit menopause and you're, you lose estrogen, which also messes with your cortisol, and it's the whole cocktail of things.

Happening in your body that.

Yeah, it really is.

You're never taught about. You know, you're like.

No, no.

I was just.

40 last week. Yeah. And, you know, I could eat what I want. And now suddenly I'm.

Now I'm.

A Cron.

Yeah, it's so true.

What happened? Yes, I know. It's so true. Oh, my gosh. It's so true. Yeah.

You know, people like you out there to give us all hope.

Well, I'm trying and you know, I do have my like you said, the course that I developed and actually just put it up about two months ago, I actually put it on for the public and as a result of that, I realized that a lot of women want to be in person.

Learn things too.

So I'm going to be doing a retreat, actually several retreats, and the first one is going to be in April here in a place called Squamish, British Columbia. Yeah. So it's going to be amazing, but I this isn't, you know, I think it's a movement. And I really am serious about the fact that midlife women are invisible. You know, I, you know, you even.

See movie stars and I'm you know, I'm not a big movie star follower anything like this, but they reach a certain age and every single thing is filtered. Everything you know, you don't even hear from them talking much anymore. You know, where did all the midlife women our age go right? Like they're all of a sudden off the screen and.

It is a really difficult time for the average person.

And I'm just tired of it. I think midlife women, we have the best of both worlds. We have the knowledge and the experience, you know? And I haven't had children, but like yourself, most of the kids now are out of the nest. And you know, this is a time for midlife.

Women to really.

Redevelop themselves to figure out who they really are now that they are not a label. They're not a mom. They're not just the wife, you're not, you know, now we are free to design our lives and, you know, make up a new personality for ourselves. And I think it should be empowering, really empowering and.

Why not right?

I agree. Yeah, it's. This is. I feel I'm 63. So I feel like.

Right now I'm at that point.

Where I was when I was maybe 16 or 17.

It's just like.

I can do or be anything I want.

Yeah, because.

I don't really have.

A lot of responsibilities other than.

You know.

Make sure.

Stuff gets done that needs to get done.

Yeah, right.

Have clean clothes to wear and food and.

And I'm pretty.

Sure. When I was 16 and 17, I had to be responsible for.

That too, so.

It's not.

A whole lot different.

Yeah. And we actually, I mean, I don't know about you, but when I started getting around 50 years old, it's true what they always say. And I looked back and I.

Went. Oh my gosh.

They're so true is that I don't really care.

What people think about me now?

And it's a very interesting thing that happens to midlife women, you.

Just kind of reach this age.

Where all of a sudden.

You're OK to leave the house with your hair looking like a disaster and no makeup and sweatpants with holes in it. It's like I don't care. I have gone through enough stuff in my life. I deserve just to, you know, walk out of this House and be me, you know? And I think that's really empowering, too, right? It's not. Yes.

And is empowering when you're you put yourself out there and it's OK if people don't like you. You know, I might not like them either.

It's very true. Yeah. Very true. Yeah, so.

When you work with people, do.

You work with them.

One-on-one or.

Is this a group coaching program?

I do have one-on-one coaching sessions as well, so some people like to have a little bit more of an intimate environment. They like to be able to, you know, bounce questions off of me and have that more one-on-one hand holding type of coaching which I absolutely will do and it and it's on my blog site.

But the actual course itself is a self starting course. You sign up for it and you can take it over and over. You can rewind, you can go back to it, do it as many times as you want.

And one thing that I did make sure that I do is that I put in a three actually PDF booklets and particular spots in the course with all of the contents in there and a PDF booklet at the end of the course basically summarizing the entire course because as you know with the midlife brain.

You shut your computer off and you've forgotten everything that you've.

Just learned so right?

So knowing that because myself I leave my keys inside my house all the time and then I.

Lock the door on the way out.

I wanted to make sure that I gave women the ability to be able to say, Oh my gosh, what was that again? And then pick it up and not have to log on to the computer, find it in the section of the course. So I was cognizant of those types of things. Right. And there's also a back end community. We're just getting going. I think there's about 10 women in there. And of course, everybody's too shy. They don't want to talk or anything.

That, you know, I envisioned there to be hundreds and hundreds of women in this community, and it's a place for women to ask me questions for me to post additional content, which I'm just starting to do. Like a lot of valuable content.

Event and also communicate with each other because you know when I was going through menopause, I was the only one most of my friends are either much older or much younger.

So you know, there was the two spectrum that nobody was really going through. What I was going at the same time and I sure would have loved to have connected with the bestie and say like.

Today I just feel like a bag of poo and I am so depressed and I feel like a troll and you know, like all of these things, and it would have been really good to have that. So I wanted to provide that.

That community as well, but specifically for women taking this course because obviously we're all on the same page going through the same types of things, right.

And having somebody to talk to is really helpful. I remember asking my mom about menopause, and I was having hot flashes and I was like, how long does this last? Mom, bless her heart. Just ohh your aunt and I, we still have hot flashes and she.

I think she.

Was like 70 at the time. I'm like.

Yeah, I know a lot of women.

No, mom, I don't want to hear that. I know.

I don't have hot flashes anymore at all.

And I think.

It's really a diet driven thing. My mom was really bad about.

Drinking too much alcohol and eating.

All the wrong foods.

It is a diet driven thing. I completely agree with you 100% because I don't suffer either, but I did run into a woman actually in the gym and she was in her 80s and we were talking about menopause and she goes ohh. I still get hot flashes every once in a while and I thought Oh my word seriously. But again it is a diet driven thing so things like.

High glycemic foods. Alcohol, right? All the breads, the pastas, anything that turns to sugar in your bloodstream. So those types of things. And that's what women really need to realize is that they can empower themselves and get.

Bit of most if not all of these symptoms, if they are willing, that would be the key. If they're willing to change some of their daily lifestyle habits and some of that is including the way they eat now doesn't mean a life sentence. You know, you don't have to never have, you know, a loaf of bread or whatever it is. But.

Just know that when you do some of the symptoms might come back because that is how your body deals with foods that aren't necessarily that good for us. And you know to begin with, right. So.

And the hormones that we have.

Prior to menopause are different than the way they are acting in your body after menopause and the things that you use, the hormones that you use to help break that stuff down and.

Process it into usable bits and pieces.

For your body.

Or store it or get rid of.

But it doesn't work the same.

Way afterwards this the estrogen goes down and because it's going down.

Yeah, exactly.

It's and testosterone goes down because that's in your muscles. Another reason to, you know, do some weight lifting.

Yeah, absolutely. And insulin is a big issue, right? The insulin definitely plays a huge part in whether or not those carbohydrates are metabolized as they should be. And women don't realize that up to 50% or more of us become insulin resistant.

So that is a big problem and that is a huge reason for weight gain. And then if you have insulin resistance, you become carbohydrate intolerant. So that means the carbohydrates you're eating again are not being dealt with properly. So then you that just adds a whole other layer. And again, it's all fixable through diet, right?

Give your bar reason to correct itself.

And you don't have to be hungry.

No, it's no eating protein in fat.

It will make you full on a lot less than eating a box of doughnuts.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yes, right, absolutely. And also too, I just added into the course actually a couple of weeks ago because I was going to make it an entirely separate course, but I figured that it's incredibly important for midlife women to understand that their liver is also responsible for producing harm.

And it's a big part, especially pre menopause pre perimenopause, right? So what women don't realize is that over the course of our lifetime, by the time we reach this hormonal stage in life, our liver is burdened and bogged down.

And one of the AHA moments for me when I was researching all this is that actually helping your liver to detoxify by eating certain foods and not eating certain foods really releases the burden and you can lose quite a bit of weight by actually getting your liver working more efficiently. And then, of course, the hormones.

That it is still producing are going to be produced at perhaps the right amounts as opposed to your liver being stagnant and really like slugging along, right? So that is such an incredibly important part to this stage in life is to really be taking care of that liver.

And there are.

Things that you can do that are really simple.

To detox your liver, I.

Mean. Yeah, like.

Yeah, absolutely. Like celery juice, you know, I know that was a fad all the time, but celery juice is incredible. Certain salts in there. I mean, it's really good for you taking things like dandelion or tincture or even steaming them up. You know those types of things or hibiscus?

Tea. Growing them in your salad?

Throw them in your salad, right?

Exactly so.

All parts are edible.

Yes, all parts are edible. It's an amazing. It's like a super food really. It's probably the biggest super food on the planet because it's so good for so many things.

But yeah, so there is so many simple things that we can do that can really alleviate symptoms and help us to get over that hump. And then of course, as you know, when all of these things are working better, well, it shows up.

On the.

Outside, right. You mean you? You look better because your body is actually functioning better and you don't have the excess weight and the insulin levels are.

Leveled out and the liver is happy and all of these things and then and then of course the result in that is you, you just feel better about yourself cause you look in the mirror and you go, yeah, OK, I'm doing OK. I do good, right.

And you can sleep at night is another one of those big things. If you don't get your diet under control and you're having hot flashes at night, it's.

It's huge. It affects every other part of your being.

Yeah, the ghrelin and the leptin hormones don't get released at the appropriate times or appropriate amounts and then you end up binging out the next day and being starving. And you're right. There's so many things that contribute to poor sleep that actually end up, you know, making all of our symptoms and weight gain so much work.

1st and I think that I've noticed too, especially in my age category is that this is the time where everybody is starting to enjoy life, but that always includes a glass of wine at night and that is probably the worst thing you can do for your sleep. Right? Is having a glass of wine at night and you may be relaxing at the time. But at 2:00 in the morning your.

Body's wide awake.

Right, flip flopping around and flop flashes and.

And sweating.

Those slats are super fun.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, not good.

I embraced sobriety a while back. It's been a little over a month now and.

Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Because you and I are on the same page. I did that about three months ago and I feel amazing.

I feel amazing too, and it wasn't.

It was surprisingly not difficult. Instead of going around saying I'm quitting or I'm not doing, I just chose to embrace something different.

A different style and it's made. It's made everything so much easier for me. And I had an amazing encounter.

The day that I had decided that I was going to do this, I had a.

Walk. Come. I was standing next to my house on these stairs, underneath this overhang, turning off the water because I was watering my plants out front. So I'm there's a railing and I'm.

I'm giving you this.

Setup so you understand I'm like.

In this kind of enclosure, it's not like I'm out in the open when this happened and I'm bent over and I feel this stuff going on in my head.

There because my hair was down, you know.

My hair is.

Like close to my scalp. But I could feel something roughing around in it. I'm thinking oh crap, I'm being attacked by Wasps and so I go like this and I.

Feel something heavy.

When I go like that and I turn around and my husband was standing right there.

And he points over to the fence line.

And he it was. There's a.

Little Hawk sitting there, a hawk had come and messed with my hair and instead of flying away, when I like, batted at him, he just went and sat there and it was totally a.

Message for me.

That is incredible. That is incredible.

It was that I was just.

That is.

Like a message from the universe, I.

On the right track, I should just.

Keep doing what I'm doing.

Absolutely. We just came to give you a little keep it going girl.

Yeah, they have sharp talents.

How do you hit my scalp? I would.

Have bled for.

Sure. And to be over there next to the house like for no apparent reason was like wow, so.

Oh yeah, for sure.

They're energetically connected, without a doubt, right? So, yeah, he was. He was. He was tuning in.

Yeah, just awesome.

A moment of encouragement that.

I will take with me to my grave because.

That was just like.

A turning point.

It's amazing, isn't it? Yeah, these little experiences in life can really put us on a completely different trajectory.

OK.

So how's your journey going?

My journey is good, I am super excited. Like I just came back from a meeting getting together this retreat. It just feels so aligned. I think women really need it at this time in the world. Need to come together.

Feminine energy, feminine empowerment and yeah, it. I'm just super excited and I feel really good. I feel. I mean, 54 1/2, I guess it.

Would be right.

Like when we're little kids.

I climb myself doing that now too.

You know, right. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, but yeah, I I'm just.

Really enjoying life and it and something seems to have settled. You know, the last few years of being very unsettled. And I just feel like, you know, even though.

There's a lot of Creek going on right now. I just feel kind of like I'm just parting the seas and just going through the middle and finding my zone and.

Collaborating and bringing a lot of other women along with me too, which has been absolutely amazing. And I, yeah, my just my big vision is I want to create like just a huge empowerment group of women, you know, and.

Maybe I'll call it something at some point, you know, have retreats all over the world. That's kind of what I envisioned. I'd love to go to Europe and do a few as well. The States and just kind of go from there and just make it bigger and bigger and bigger and bring more people into the fold and.

And let's change the world midlife women rock.

They do.

And they really are changing the world. I feel like feminism has taken on a new.

Kinder, gentler mantle, where they were militant than my mom's day and they were. They were more trying to supplant men than stepping into their feminine power. They as though they were somehow they'd been.

Yes, yes.

Downtrodden for so many years, centuries that they forgot that they are uniquely situated and created with so much power and.

Our cycles are part of the mystery of.

What makes us?

Who we are, and even at the end, when we don't have that.

That life giving capacity anymore, we move into a different stage which is like it's the teaching and the sharing of information.

And it's the lifting up of all of.

Us the sisterhood. That's really how we were supposed to be interacting with each other, not.

Competing with each other. We're not men, men.

That's right. And they're very good.

They have.

Right. You mean you?

Know that's how they were created to compete. But we don't have to.

That's right.

No, we didn't.

Cool. Just the way we.

Are we just?

Be able to.

Appreciate that you uniqueness and the beauty in.

Each of us and appreciate the special gifts that each of us have.

Yeah, I completely agree. And it's ironic that you talked about that feminism part because I had this conversation with several of my business associates and friends over the last couple of months that the whole feminist movement. And again, this might ruffle some feathers. My personal opinion, while it was really great for human rights, I do believe that a big portion of it did women a disservice.

Now they're in the workforce and they're cooking and cleaning, and they got to look like a supermodel and Ant. Right. And I don't know any woman out there who's, like, just loving doing it all. So, you know, I think that I like what you said that.

You know, we have had our own special uniqueness and our own power within and I again the midlife women kind of are bringing that back into like this is actually what feminism is. It's actually being feminine, you know, and knowing that you have these unique gifts and stuff and it doesn't have to be, you know, going out in there and being miss corporate it.

And not there's anything wrong with that, but it can be you can be an incredible.

Homemaker and why is that any less valued and you know all of these different roles that women typically gravitate to because we're nurturers, right? And we like to do these things for our families and our friends and, you know, and even the, the corporate woman who doesn't like to cook in a day in her life, if I but truly believe and I have.

Several friends like that and they don't cook, they don't clean.

They don't. They hire people to do that stuff.

I do believe that if they didn't have to be the sole, you know, provider for themselves, that they might actually like a bit more of a feminine type of role in their life if they were given the opportunity to, right.

Yeah, I know people like that too. My sisters are.

Sort of like that, they.

They don't. They worked.

They were corporate. My one sister is an.

Accountant and she loves it but.

She's not really prone to the more feminine things like she's so caught up in the in her work world.

And reading that she doesn't really have a lot of other things that she's interested in, like gardening or.

Cooking or just?

There's just things that.

You learn how to do over a lifetime of.

You have interests as women.

Yes, absolutely. And I think that these very specific type of women interests, you know, whether it's knitting or gardening or, you know, whatever it is right, you know, practicing holistic things.

I do think that grounds us in a very special way, that being in the corporate environment and just absolutely cannot, because in the corporate environment.

Your adrenaline is constantly on and that is not innately what a woman is. That again, that's a masculine thing. Go get the lion. Go hunting. Go. Adrenaline, adrenaline, adrenaline. Right. And then the women's responsibility or role. Or maybe our biological role is to not be in adrenaline mode all the time.

Because how can you be loving and compassionate and care for your newborn child?

If you're in adrenaline mode, right, you need to nurture them and be patient and loving and adrenaline is not really in there, right? So it's really interesting how.

Our modern society has.

Has told women how we're supposed to be, and really I think destroyed the core of femininity.

You know.

Yeah. And women.

Are pushing back now. It's.

And it's good. It's a good thing.

It is very good, yeah.

We have like.

28 day cycles men have 12 hour cycles.

Yeah, say no more.

Yeah, that's just it, yeah.

Right.

Yeah, that is.

The way I feel today is not going to be the way I feel tomorrow.

Even after menopause, it's not.

The peaks and valleys aren't as high, but they do still exist. There are times when you know, I really just want to go and be.

By myself and there are times when I'm really interested in doing other things.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

That's right. Yeah. And I think women, especially the corporate women, have been forced to turn that off, and they need to be more like the men.

Where they are just, you know, static quote to just constantly doing the same thing. And in that high, high, high adrenaline energy mode, right and.

I think at the end of the day, when they finally.

Stop. I think a lot of them get burned out.

You know, they were just on high end, high energy the whole time for so long that they don't realize how burned out and how possibly, emotionally unsatisfied they might be. And we could be. I could be totally wrong. You know, I could be totally wrong. I'm not a corporate driven woman but.

I do fend for myself, being a single woman and I'm what I can tell you is that I would prefer to still do what I'm doing but not have to. And I would love to nurture and take care of and be Molly homemaker and plant the garden, then fold the towels and make the pie. And you know, that would just float my boat.

Like you wouldn't believe, right? And I would still do what I'm doing now, but I would really thrive in that nurturing environment and.

Part of it's just making time.

Yeah, yeah. And being interested in it and recognizing there's seasons in your life, you know, and not everything happens in every season. I had a season in my life where I learned to make soap.

And I had goats and I made goats.

Milk soap. My gosh, that's fun.

And I don't make.

Some very often anymore, but I learned how to do it and I got pretty good at it.

And there was another season where I learned to.

Make bread. I am a really good artisan bread maker.

I can make it consistently. It was a goal that I set.

For myself, that's incredible. Ship some up here?

Wow it. But they're just skills that you learn gardening's and other things. You know, I just decided I was going to learn how to garden. And I had big gardens. And then I realized, you know, I don't really want a big garden. I like.

I like random.

Gardening now. Yeah, right, yeah.

Carry it over here. Some broccoli over there.

Yeah, in, in with my flowers and with my trees. And I. I'm. I'm really big on growing things in my yard that are edible like my yard is mostly weeds, I admit.

Yeah, right.

And I wait in the spring for the.

The flowers to get done blooming in my garden in my yard.

Yeah, yeah.

With the grass.

Yeah, I have a couple sets of kinds of flowers that bloom at different times. So. So the grass is really high. Before I let my husband mow it.

Tees, though it's good.

For the bees, right, that's good.

Yeah, my neighbour across the street keeps fees. Oh, perfect.

And he has like.

Lots of hives of.

These and so Mabel always comes over and visits us and.

That's so good. Yeah, yeah, I love.

That. Oh my gosh.

It's fun, it's fun and just seasons and being able to embrace the season that you're in. I love that you're doing retreats. I think retreats are a great way for women to get together, that are kind of in our same age group and.

And just to.

To support each.

Other and.

To do the.

Do the dance around the fire thing.

It's very true. It's very true and a lot of women at this stage, like, you know, the children are gone and maybe they are really unhappy in their marriage or maybe they're still single or they're getting divorced or thinking about divorce. And there's a lot of emotions at this age because everybody has one thing in common. We all know that we're older.

Right and.

That has a stigma. Now the opportunities are going to be less, right. So whether you're single or unhappily married or getting divorced or already divorced, there's a lot of fear around this particular age, too. Maybe I'm going to grow old alone. I should stay in the unhappy marriage. Oh, my gosh. Now I'm divorced. What's going to happen to me? Right. Same thing with the single person.

So it there's a lot of dynamics at this age that I think aren't actually talked about because people are maybe ashamed of it or they're shy or you know, they don't really want to let people know that they're terrified.

You know at the Steve.

Even people in good marriages. It's a time when, when things are changing for you, the dynamics of the marriage change because husbands retire or come home, like my husband came home after 25 years of driving over the road to where he was gone like 3 weeks home for three days sort of thing for a large.

Part of our relationship and he's been retired now for about two years and our relationship has changed a lot and it's.

Been it's good.

But it's.

It's different.

Now he's home all the time, right? Yeah, your routine gets changed a lot, right? Yeah, that's. That would be very difficult as well. I mean, so that's the thing, right at all of these stages in life, midlife. There's so many things going on with women. And I personally have never been in those conversations before.

You know, women just don't talk about it. It's like, oh, my gosh, my husband is home. I can't stand him, you know, or, you know, or it's really great or I'm terrified. I just.

Got divorced and you know.

And just talking with women who are, even if the relationship is good, it changes. Like I remember when my dad retired, it was the same week I had my third son, and my mom had come to visit me and she spent that whole week.

Worried that my dad was creating this budget?

That wouldn't include.

Makeup for her. And she was she was probably about the same age I am now, where it was like this was really important to her that she get back home so she could make sure that he wasn't going to like her out of being able to have the lifestyle that.

Oh wow.

She's grown accustomed to because, you know, things are going to change for them.

Financially that my dad.

He did really well.

And she didn't have to.

Worry about it. But she did worry.

About it and.

It's not uncommon when you reach that point, it's like.

OK, our rules are shifting because she always stayed home and now he was going to be home. And he and then when they come home.

Retire they either.

Figure out something else to do that's interesting to them and.

Get a life.

Or they plant themselves in front of the television and wait to die.

Yeah, exactly. That's.

So true, I've definitely heard that. Yeah, yeah.

Fortunately, my husband's really into working out and stuff, so he goes to the gym three times a week and we moved away from his dad, so he has to go and visit.

His dad.

Once a week, there's.

Things to do.

Yeah, that's right, exactly.

He's learning how to grocery shop and cook cooking.

Ohh lovely.

Is really fun.

Ohh that's OK.

Good. He didn't know how to cook before.

Well, I guess not. He's on the road all the time, right? Yeah.

Could microwave, but we don't have a microwave anymore either, so he's really had to learn to.

To make things and he decided that.

He was going to eat healthier so.

We make our own.

Tortillas he likes to eat.

Oh good, that's awesome.

Those were easy for him to.

Remake hamburger and so he could just heat up a little bit of.

Hamburger and make a burrito.

But there's just like all of these little things, little adjustments.

Things you don't think about. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Even like laundry, understand how laundry works.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like I will do your laundry, but recognize that.

I'm doing my laundry and.

I'll do whatever you want me to do.

In addition to that.

Yeah, yeah.

But don't mess with my system. Otherwise you can do your.

Own laundry. Yeah, yeah.

Exactly. Gotta be a part of the system now.

It's fun, but I think it would be interesting and fun for you to.

Have this these retreats and.

Yeah, that's the goal. Yeah. The Court, the course is, is up and running now. And then the goal is to have the retreat in April. And then I'd also like to do another one. I'm thinking actually in the.

OK. And obviously still here in in the Squamish or Vancouver area, I'd like to have multiple year, but I definitely would like to be a destination one once a.

Year as well, that's.

That's my goal. So next year that's it's all going to come.

Into place.

Yeah, that's very fun. So how do people?

Get in touch with you, Monika.

They can go to my website, everything is on there. The coaching, the course I'm I will be putting the retreats on there as well, but they can just go to Monika, Diane and it's Monika with the K and then diane.com. So Monika diane.com.

So what's the one thing you want to?

Leave the audience with today.

Well, I would.

Say the one thing would be just because you have reached a certain stage in life and it really doesn't matter what stage, but for this intense purpose mid life does not mean that you don't have value in this world anymore. And my whole entire mission is to up lift.

Midlife women so that they truly know that they are incredibly valuable and that they actually feel their own worth.

So that is what I'd like to leave women with.

I love that. Thank you so much for joining me today.

Oh, thank you, Jill. It's been a pleasure.