Michele Johnston – Stop ‘should-ing’ your life

Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we are talking with Michele Johnston. She's from fiercely authentic coaching. She's a life and empowerment coach who empowers women who feel lost to come back to their heart center and create more fulfilling lives. Welcome to the show, Michele. We were talking beforehand.

Thank you.

About some of the things that we kind of have in common and I'm really excited to hear your story, how you got to where you're at, what you're doing.

Yeah. Well, first of all, thanks for having me. Hi everyone. Super excited to be here.

So my back story is that I was raised in a real strict religious background with strict gender roles, ideas of what a woman, a mother and a wife should be and how to get there and.

Being raised in this environment, I didn't know any better. Obviously went through my teenage.

Years and around 18 years old, I hit that rebellious stage that most of us do all of a sudden we get some independence and we can drive and do all the things. And that was really the first glimpse of my authentic self that I had. Who

Michele really was.

And, you know, she was kind of fun, just kind of fun, kind of crazy. And I had a blast. But, you know, those couple of years of rebellion, I still have that nagging voice in the back of my head. You know, this isn't what you're supposed to be doing.

This isn't how you should be acting. You shouldn't be drinking. You shouldn't be swearing. You know all the things. And it got to a point when I was about 20 years old, I started thinking, OK, you've had your fun. I actually used to joke that.

I had done so much and experienced so much in those two years that having a midlife crisis was not even an option for me. I've been there, done that, and did all the things.

But around 20 years old, I started thinking I need to start looking for someone to settle down with because the what I was doing, how I was acting wasn't the woman that I should be. And so I found a nice young man who was very quiet and conservative.

And had very good, strong morals and standards and I thought, OK.

This guy is going to be the perfect balance to my wild side and he's going to elevate me to where I need to be to, you know.

Be this example of a woman and a you know, wife to my children that I need to be.

So I ended up getting married around at 23 and had the first of four children at 23 as well.

And I knew that was my purpose. My to be a wife and a mom. And I just dove head first into those roles.

You know, you get caught up in motherhood. I think the majority of us do. It's especially those first few years. Your whole focus is on rearing your child and your children, and then you have more. And then it's just one thing after another and then school and then activities.

And all the things and all of a sudden your whole identity is being a mom or being a professional woman or being a wife. You're so focused on being that role and fulfilling that role and you lose yourself and I.

Absolutely lost. Who I was as an individual and about 15 years into my motherhood journey, my youngest started preschool and all of a sudden I had an extra couple hours in the morning after.

I've got everyone to school, cleaned up breakfast, had a couple hours. There's only so much laundry and housekeeping you to do. You can do before you're sitting there. Just in the quiet of the house with yourself and wondering, what do I do next?

And so that was a really big.

Pivotal moment in my life.

There I actually realized that I didn't know who I was anymore. I had completely lost myself in being a mom and being the perfect homemaker, that I totally lost what made me happy outside of my, you know, family.

I didn't know what my interests were outside of the coolest kid crafts on Pinterest and you know themed birthday parties. I didn't have any of that, so I basically had to start from Ground Zero and rediscovering who I was.

And the.

The religious practice that.

You were involved in, I don't know where you lived, but.

If you were living in a community around a lot of those people, it tends to.

You tend to get pushed into things that you may or.

May not want to be doing because you.

Yet assign jobs.

Yes, this is true.

And that even goes.

Further into pushing you and this and this happens in quite a few denominations, but the one that you were in particularly is good at this where they.

They not only promote having a lot of children, you know.

And I have.

A person who's I've.

Had five children and I live in a community.

Like you were raised in and I see the juxtaposition from people that are just like they're given jobs to do. And the more that you feel aligned like this is what I'm supposed to be doing. The more stuff is dumped on you so you lose yourself more.

And more is what?

I the point I was trying to make.

It's really easy.

To just get.

Just get lost. You forget who.

MM.

You were, as a human being and what?

Magnificent things you have to contribute to the world that you don't have to go out there and prove.

Anything to anyone?

That's it. I was just about to talk your point to proving things.

And with all those roles and those, you know, tasks and jobs and whatnot come the expectations. So not only are you losing yourself, but in the process of that, you're also struggling every moment of every day to reach these expectations that.

Have been instilled in you that are totally not feasible expectations to reach, so you're struggling because you don't know who you are, but you're also bidding yourself because you're not who you should be either, and it's a really difficult place to be.

The in the trying.

To be something that you feel like you should be, it's always that elusive.

Those elusive character traits.

That you know, you just there's an.

Easy way to live life, which is just you.

Know figuring out.

Where your center is and what your norms and standards are.

Regardless of what other people say they should be and going with that and what feels good and it's, you know, I'm not talking about going out and doing destructive things even for yourself.

I was involved in Christianity for.

Almost 30 years and.

I put myself into it, went all the way through it and came out the other side and during all of that time I struggled with alcohol. I struggled with numbing myself. I struggled with and never feeling like I was good enough and.

Always trying to do things to like prove myself, but on the other side, when I just realized, you know, I'm good enough as I am.

And I'm perfectly fine if people have a problem with it, great.

They don't have to be my friend and good by myself.

And that's amazing. When you finally get to that spot where it doesn't matter anymore.

I don't drink alcohol anymore and it's not because I can't or I shouldn't or.

Any of those reasons I wasn't a drunk. I just like to drink.

A lot of.

Alcohol that I embraced sobriety a few months ago and.

I don't have any desire for it. It's like.

It doesn't enhance my life and it wasn't enhancing my life then, but it was. It was always like, hey, I know I shouldn't do this and it was they shouldn't do this part that made it so difficult to just.

OK.

Lay it down.

And when?

You can.

Get to that point. It's like.

And it goes to.

Your point of, you know, recognizing who you are and that you are enough.

Yeah. Yeah. So I you know, for me, I was at this point of finding out who I was, and I was a super peeper. People, people pleaser. You know, as I'm sure you were too. And so.

Who I had to work past the things like saying no without guilt, putting myself first without shame. You know, those kinds of things were huge obstacles to overcome, and it really started with me discovering what made me happy.

Finding my happy again, because once you find you're happy. Oh my gosh. It feels so freaking good. It becomes a non negotiable and all of a sudden you're.

Like super protective.

Of it, and no one can come into my happy space anymore like you guard it with your life when you finally.

Find it after being years being in years and years of your life, without really knowing what happy was. And so for me, I started stripping things down trying to figure out who I was. One of the things that came initially was.

That my last child was born six weeks early because I had hypertension and I was also diagnosed as being prediabetic so.

I had totally disregarded my health to care for my family. So for me that was kind of like a first thing. Like, OK, let's go to the very basic foundation. I need to be healthy. So I started, you know, finding different forms of movement, trying to find something that kind of fit with me.

And for me, that was heavy lifting.

And I actually, so I share love to share the story about being part of a workout group of like middle-aged women. I was about 36 at the time and we.

Did a bunch of exercises that were more of like primal movements like the heavy lifting, the kettle bells bear crawls just and barefoot and just really getting down to it and we showed up for class one day and our instructor.

I said OK, come out to the parking lot and we all went out to the parking lot and there was a ginormous pickup truck filled with kettle bells in the back of.

It we're like.

OK, what's happening here? And he said you guys are.

Going to push this truck.

Oh, hell no. Like, are you for series like, there's no way I'm going to be able to push this truck. I can hardly like carry my 3 year old when he begs for it. So it comes to my turn.

I you know, level up with the truck, a barefoot lean into it, and lo and behold, I push this truck a good two yards and it was in that moment I realized not only was I physically stronger than I ever imagined I could be, but mentally.

Right. Like overcame all that self doubt in that moment.

And I was like, holy crap, I am so much stronger than I ever imagined, both mentally and physically. And I fell in love with that adrenaline rush. I fell in love with that strength that I had just discovered that was within myself. And I started pushing myself to the limits.

With fitness and ultimately I ended up doing a fitness competition. Actually 3 and it was so liberating for me up until that moment. I used to say the most liberating experience in my life was giving birth to my children. Like you're there for everyone to see and you know.

It kind of felt the same thing. It was just me up on that stage and that bling, bikini and ****** heels. And I was doing my thing and I felt so empowered and so strong and so proud of what I had accomplished. So I really felt this empowerment and this joy and this happy and.

Taking care of myself, I continuously digging deeper into the strength that was within me and in the process I was inspiring other women other moms that were in the same realm of life as I was, and I just took it and ran with it.

And it was amazing.

That is so cool. I love when I hear stories about women who are into bodybuilding.

I've known a few of.

Them over the years and you know, just the dedication and the discipline, but discipline not because you have to discipline because you want to. It feels good and it.

It's settled. It's.

Settling into an exercise that's right for you.

Whereas you know.

It's not right for everyone, but when you find that thing that's right for you and you can embrace it.

It changes your life because it changes the way you think.

About things and.

The possibilities it opens the doors that.

Never were before.

Absolutely. And I, you know, besides like the fitness stuff, I really got curious about life and what was out there and this is what I talked with other women about too, is you don't have to push a big truck and you know, do all these grand things. I'm a zero to 100.

Kind of girl. So that's.

How I live life.

But you know, besides focusing on my health, I, you know, I was like, well, I always have to do. I always do my holiday pictures for my family. So.

So maybe I'll explore photography a little bit more. I kind of find that fun, and I always wanted to learn about stocks and investing. Maybe I'll learn about that. And so I tapped into my communities resources. I signed up for some adult Ed classes, you know, inexpensive like six week commitment. And you get these introductions to things.

That you might have. You might have been interested in, or a hobby that you might want to take a little bit further and dig a little deeper. And it's just this process of getting curious and, you know. Oh.

That always looked like.

Fun. I mean, I've done some crazy things and just because, like, well, that looks like fun. I think I.

Want to try that?

And that's how you find you're happy is through this process of curiosity. And then when something sticks, you run with it and it's just an amazing process. And then that becomes your like non negotiable fitness and exercise became my non negotiable and.

And it was amazing.

Yeah, I love that for you.

That's so much.

Back and like the progress that I went through and the things that I've learned over the years, that there's they seem so totally unrelated to what I do now that they're totally they're part of who I am.

Right.

They shape.

The reasons that I do things that I do so I totally get the non negotiable part. So when you're helping these women, you have a coaching program, right coaching and do you help them with?

Yes, I do.

I'm assuming it's going to have to be holistically because you don't become a bodybuilder unless you're like.

Fit fitting all those little pieces into the box the mindset.

Which is like.

That's 90% and then another 5% nutrition and 5% is just actually showing up.

Yeah, I was like the aesthetic factor. That's like the icing on the cake. Like all I want is to be healthy.

Yeah. So I'm a life and empowerment coach and I mostly work with women. My gosh, can you see that fly?

Yeah, I have one in here too.

So it like landed right on my nose. Sorry I couldn't even ignore that one.

Didn't see that.

I work with a primarily women who are in this process of discovering themselves. I helped support them through what I like to call a midlife AW.

Awakening, because that's truly what it is. So there is there is no such thing as a midlife crisis. So it's an awakening. You're coming back into your own and finding what makes you happy. Finding what makes you feel fulfilled. And really all that journey towards your purpose, that you're everyone's looking for.

So that's what I do with my coaching is help these women along this path of awakening.

I love that. I love that and they can get in touch with you by going.

Instagram. Yeah, Instagram is the best place to get in touch with me and my handle is fiercely authentic coaching and.

I love, love, love.

Love connecting with women, so please don't hesitate to slide into my DMS and say hi. I would love to chat with anyone that reaches out.

Perfect. Perfect.

I know that you have something that you offer these women also, you want to talk about that.

A little bit sure. When I was in my.

When I started my rediscovery process, you know we.

I really got into fitness and I actually.

You know, started the and trying to find the right words here. Started the events that became the unraveling of my marriage. So it was a super exciting and happy time for me. But at the same time it was a very difficult and.

Dark time for me as well, and one of the things that really got me through this period was.

Reading my life as from as much negativity as I possibly could, and bringing in positivity and one of the ways I did that was through affirmations and I would create affirmations and motivational quotes and create them into Wallpapers that I would.

Get on my phone.

So that I've created a few of these Wallpapers for your listeners, your audience. And so I'd love to give that all to you that too.

Perfect. And we will put.

That in the show notes as.

Well, so that they can get to the.

Yeah. So in your in your journey and you became I can kind of relate to your transformation and then and your divorce all happening at the same time like it's kind of like the journey.

That I went on when I was about.

3536.

Which is like and I've had enough of this.

It was just the.

Working out part of it.

Allowed me to just focus on something other than.

The pain that I was going through with the family situation, it wasn't Even so much the kids. It was just.

It was just.

The wrong person that I picked and there are a lot of religions that are just like if you if you decide that you picked the wrong person, you should just stay with that person anyway and just continue on and let the abuse that does end up.

Happening continue. Yeah.

Just like the silliest thing I've ever heard of, but.

I get that.

So well, I don't.

Actively encourage people to separate. I do encourage people to, you know, really look at your relationships and make sure that they're still serving you at whatever.

Point in your life you're at.

It's OK.

It's OK to make changes in your life. You don't have to stay stuck.

Yeah, it was very difficult for me to.

You know, ultimately I was faced with the decision of do I stay in this marriage or do I fight for my happiness and I chose to fight for my happiness because by this point I knew my worth and I knew that I deserved to be happy and it became that non negotiable.

Peace again and I was willing to fight for it. And I mean.

You could ask my children today like I was always saying I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy. Why is this that? Why are you guys fine? I deserve to be happy and I love my marriage of 18 years and it was really difficult because from a religious point.

UM.

There was a lot on the line by walking away and I still chose my happiness and I did lose a lot of friends because a lot of my friends were in the church and a lot of people didn't understand what was going on or Michele. The grass is not always greener and you know all the things. But I knew what was right.

For me, so it was very difficult and it was very painful.

To lose relationships and lose friendships that I thought would last forever. And then in a decision they were no longer.

My friends anymore, they walked away.

And it was the most difficult time, but it now on the other end of it, it was the most it like it was the best thing that could have happened because them leaving opened up the doors for so many amazing and wonderful people, supportive and caring people, to come into my.

Yeah, I you can only hold so much space for people in your life. And sometimes you just gotta weed them.

Out it's painful, but.

It's better on the other side cause.

To meet people and yeah.

They're interesting and they may not be there forever either. I mean, you know, people just kind of like cycle some, some are there for a long.

Time, but some are.

Permit to just kind of pass through, yeah.

I feel like.

Every person like you just had touch your life. They come in and they leave a lesson. There's some lesson with every interaction that you, you know, with anyone or experience that you have. There's a lesson in it and looking that looking at it with that perspective really helps when.

You know those people leave your life. It's less painful, you know, it's still a little right? But you know, it's like, OK, there was a lesson. And there they served a purpose and.

They no longer serve that purpose anymore and it's OK.

Yeah, and. And they all have their own journey. And sometimes our paths, you know, they're we're walking together and then they split and sometimes they circle back and they may come back into your life at some point, which is really interesting. And those experiences. I'm old enough to know, you know, I've had a few people.

Have come back and they've been in my life. They've gone out of my life. They come back into my life, they grow out of my life. They come back into my life and it's just it's always really interesting when we reconnect.

Not if you can. If you can have the journey and let people go and let the flow happen, it's.

It's less.

It's less on you personally in terms of, you know, I was a bad person. I didn't, you know, maintain this relationship and it takes all the stress off of relationships. I mean, you can just have casual relationships with people that.

We've been told you.

Have to have really strong permanent relationships.

With these people, it's like no, really you.

Know you could just like.

Yeah, if they're fitting in on the journey, great. If they're not great.

Yeah, yeah, I love.

That so, so much because I I'm noticing that more and more with me too, and the relationships that I have and it for me in particular is pretty difficult because I'm an empath. So I also just I dive deep like.

Every single person I come in contact with is like my best friend and I've taken an emotional investment in pretty much anyone that you know, I, you know, talk with or have like a connection with. So it is really difficult to just, you know.

Not be zero to 100.

Has led the.

Flow happen. Let that you know. Yeah, ebb and flow. People come in, people come out, you know, they serve their purpose in your life. You and theirs. And the cycle just keeps going. I love that so much.

And it's they're not having to help everybody. I used to feel like it was my duty to help every single person, and it's like it's exhausting. And you're not really helping them.

This you know.

Honestly, unless they're saying, hey, help me. Help me. I'm drowning.

And you have the proper equipment, you're just going to drown.

With them.

Yeah, no, for sure. It's becomes a real energy drain. And before you know it, you're sinking too. And you didn't even realize it was happening. Yeah, it's very difficult.

Yeah, the whole boundaries thing is great. I.

Discovered boundaries was like.

Ohh, they're for me.

Yeah, the boundaries.

And other people can have them too.

And it's amazing. But you know, like I was saying, getting over that hurdle of the no guilt.

And the shame of just not having not being everything to everyone all of the time.

You know, kind of thing. It's so freaking difficult. And the disappointment factor like being a people pleaser, like the most horrific thing in your life would be to disappoint someone. And I still struggle with that today and even over the silliest like little things. I'm so afraid sometimes.

To let someone down or.

You know, like a funny thing is that I always wanted to get a tattoo, but it was always a no, no.

Kind of thing and at the age of 45 I found a tattoo concept that I absolutely loved and so I got a tattoo. But you know what? I was terrified of telling my parents.

I was terrified of disappointing them at 40 freaking 5.

I was 62 when I got my first tattoo, my only tattoo, and I went to see my dad for his birthday and he's like 87.

And my sister was there and.

And she's like my sister. She's in her 60s.

Right.

Also, she's dad, dad. Jill got a tattoo.

And when did you have a total like, oh, **** moment like oh.

No. Am I gonna get grabbed?

It's on my ankle and this was this was Arizona, you.

Know I'm 63 years old.

I'm going to get a tattoo. It's OK. It's not like he has any control over my life. But you still feel that I am like a 10 year old child and.

It's you.

My parents going to say.

Yeah, cause that approval, I mean, you know, yeah.

That is so funny. I. Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one because, like, this is so ridiculous. Why are you feeling like such a child? But I guess we always will.

It ever goes away. You know that you can love them or hate them. They're your parents. They're always going to have some impact on your life. And as your kids get older, you'll find that, you know, some of them will.

They'll be under.

In and out of your life too, because.

That's just what kids do. They.

They go through different points in their life and it's OK, you know, they may be mad at you one time and.

Later, they may not.

They may be mad at you forever. Who knows?

I have friends.

That have lots of kids and.

Some of their kids are just.

Like they're so together and they're so connected with their parents and others of them, they're just like you guys suck.

Well, I have three boys.

My oldest is 23 and then my daughter is 21 and my 2 littles are 17 and 15 and my boys are totally mama's boys 100%.

That man, my daughter, is so much like me. We bump heads like all the time and she is definitely my in and out. Like we're either hot or we're cold, you know? And I was like, OK, well, that's just how it is. And I'm like, well, maybe I'll change when she gets married and have kids has kids.

We'll see. We'll see.

I have. I have three boys and two girls. My oldest is a girl and she's the one that she wanders in and out.

OK.

You know she's.

She's amazing. I think she's a fantastic human being and she's so accomplished that I, you know.

For periodically I'm the bad guy so.

Yeah, it is what it is. I finally just came to terms with that like we just had a little, you know out like a couple weeks ago. And I was like, you know what?

This is what it is.

I'm OK. She's OK. This is just how.

It's going to be.

You know, there's something like.

That's OK.

30 or 40% of adult children are estranged from their parents at some level, so it's.

Just the percentages, I guess. And everybody, I personally believe at this point in my life that everybody comes here and they have contracts.

For how their life is going to go, and we invite people into our lives and out of our lives, and we're supposed to teach each other lessons that we want to be taught. And you know, this is at some level. I signed up for this.

Signed up for.

It so it's just going to go as it's going to go, yeah.

It's like.

Absolutely. Everyone's on their own path, so we just do the best we can with what we have and what we don't.

Yeah, and we are OK as individuals we are. We are totally fine and they are totally fine. We don't even have to be mad at them. We can just, you know, let them.

Let them have space.

Yes, that's the key. Let them have space.

Well, Michele, is there one thing that you want to leave the audience with today?

Yeah, I, you know, touching on that bit of rediscovery and having that moment.

You know where you're alone with yourself and wondering what to do, and then you know you.

Without fail, you're going to be looking back on the years and how do they go by and you know all those things. And so I what I'd really like to share with the audience is if you're in that phase of life where you're discovering yourself or rediscovering again, you know.

Move forward. Forgiving yourself for you know, for doing the best that you knew how to do at the time with what you had. Just like we just talked that forgiveness, peace, forgiving yourself.

Giving yourself the grace to move forward. Now you're in a learning curve. You're learning.

Who you are.

And you're going to flop and some things are not going to go so well and some things are going to.

Be fantastic. So move forward with grace and try and keep a judgment free zone.

For yourself as well.

And then just.

Look, every day for a little bit of positivity that you can invite into your life. I feel in this world we're lacking it so much, whereas it used to be commonplace to pay a compliment to a stranger or to smile at someone, and now we hardly even make eye contact with people in the streets. So look for the little positive things that.

Happen to you every day, and if it helps, create a gratitude journal to help reminding yourself of the positive things that happen, even if it's I caught every green light today.

Going across to.

Down. It's the little things. And as you look and invite the little positive things into your life, they will grow bigger and bigger. That positive momentum will start growing and growing and you'll start seeing some amazing positive shifts in your life and you'll start feeling more aligned with your journey and.

Your journey to your purpose and finding that that happy that's going to keep you going through it all.

Finding that happy and being at peace with however it shows up.

MM.

Absolutely. Thank you so much Michele, for joining us today. This has been amazing.

I've loved every minute. Thank you so much, Jill.