Breaking the People Pleasing Pattern: How to Reclaim Your Power Without Guilt

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: This is your official breakup with self-abandonment. If you ever felt guilty for saying no, exhausted from always being the strong one, or stuck in a body that won't stop screaming. Stress. This one's for you. We're talking nervous system, healing, subconscious, reprogramming, and what it really means to reclaim your power and energy unapologetically.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hi, and welcome to the uworld order, showcase podcast

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: where we feature, life, health, and transformational coaches stepping up to be the change they seek in the world. I am your host, Jill Hart, the coaches alchemist on a mission to help coaches and entrepreneurs, amplify their voice, monetize their mission and get visible leveraging podcasts and substack. Today we are chatting with Lynn, Demastro, Thompson, Thompson.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yup, you're right.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I knew I was going to stumble over this one. Lynn brings a unique blend of energy, healing modalities, hypnosis, nervous system, regulation tools, and embodiment practices to help you reclaim your power and energy while healing your nervous system, so you can live your best life unapologetically. Welcome to the show, Lynn, it's great to have you here.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Thank you for having me. I'm excited to chat.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Me, too. This is a great topic, and it's it's so timely

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: having just gone over mother's day. But this won't happen until September, which is right into the beginning parts of when most of us women get blasted with the people, pleasing

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: obligations that we feel like we have to take on everything.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes, holidays.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Season is usually just around the corner right? Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So let me ask you the big question, what's the most significant thing in your opinion, as individuals, we can do to make an impact on how the world is going.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: I think we can learn how to stop saying yes to everything and things that we don't want to do, and learn how to be unapologetically ourselves and say no to what's not aligned.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: That to me is a game changer. When we learn how to do this.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: For sure, for sure, and we were talking before we started recording about no being a complete sentence.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yes.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: yes, it is a complete sentence. It doesn't have to be. No, because with the laundry list of 20 different reasons why you can't. And we were also talking about how women tend to do that more than men. Men tend to. Just say no, and women tend to go into, because I have all these 50 other obligations, and I'm tired, and you know, whatever we have to justify it with.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: The very fact that we feel like we have to justify things, and then what it does to our bodies.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Yeah. I've been talking a lot with kind of the women in some of my programs about just you know how we get so tense when we're thinking about saying No, you know, like our whole body tightens up, our jaw tightens up. We get like hot sometimes, you know, because we're thinking, oh, no. How is this person going to react

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: like, why have we been programmed into that like, let's just ditch that. I think it's an old, old, outdated kind of conditioning and programming, and we're ready to move into a future where we don't need to do that where we can just be like. No.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: can't.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You feel that people pleasing and judgment go together?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Or do you think that they do.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: I think for me when you say that, like people pleasing like we're, we're in fear of judgment. And sometimes it's interesting. Maybe that judgment isn't even real, but we think that that person is going to judge us for saying No.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: instead of you know, like, what difference does it make if they're unhappy, if they, you know, think oh, she's selfish, or whatever like. Maybe that's what they actually need to see reflected back to them, is somebody who takes care of themselves and isn't just a doormat. So I think, you know, there is an interconnection, but I think a lot of times it may be in our mind that we're fearful of judgment, and whether that's real or not, only you can kind of try to determine.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So how do you think programming? Our subconscious mind helps us in terms of overcoming these sort of tendencies.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: So a lot of these tendencies are really old, you know. They say that in the 1st 7 years of our lives we're kind of walking around in that state of basically hypnosis. We're not really like filtering things in the way that we do kind of in a mature brain. So we're just absorbing, like the world around us as reality. And if you saw your mom constantly saying, Yes, yes, I can help you. Yes, let me do that. Let me take that for you.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: That's what you start to get programmed with is that's what I should do. You know this is how I should operate in the world.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: And you know, hypnosis really takes us into that subconscious mind and and lets us access those old programs that have been there since childhood and start to rewrite them really, quickly and efficiently like I've had people in my 6 week program. Say, wow! After like 5 weeks, they've noticed such a huge difference in their beliefs about

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: it being okay to say no, it being okay to do things without apologizing for them all the time. So it it can be very fast when we work at the subconscious mind.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Do you think that people pleasing is always about like doing things for other people? Could it? Could it be.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Show up in different ways. Yeah, I mean, I think that's maybe the most obvious way that it tends to show up is, you know by by over giving, sacrificing ourselves doing things. But I think maybe it's also just dampening down like our emotional expression dampening down our voice like, Oh, I don't want to say that out loud, because what are they going to think of me? Are they going to get upset? Are they going to think I'm rude.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: you know, and and we filter ourselves so much at least so many of us do. There's some people out there that have no problem telling you exactly what they think, and you know, believe. And for a lot of us that's a work in progress.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And how do you feel about like the two-wayness of that? Because if you're going to be able to stand in your own truth.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: how do you feel about other people allowing learning to allow, and for a lot of us it is a process of learning to allow others to stand in their own truth, and to have their own experiences, and to be themselves, and not to be the one asking for stuff.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah, I think it definitely. You know, when we step into that, it has to be a 2 way street. I mean, it would be kind of hypocritical to be like. I can be the full expression of myself and say what I think. And but no, you can't.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: and that's going to take some navigating for most of us, too, like it's kind of a dance of like. Oh, maybe that makes you uncomfortable, too, when somebody is also stepping into that themselves, like when you're both becoming, you know, unapologetic, authentic, real selves.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: It's it's going to change a relationship. I think.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I've I've found that in my relationship with my husband because we

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: we we've been together for a really long time. But we do grow, and we've we've gone from like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: when we first, st when he 1st retired, because he was a truck driver, he's gone all the time, so we only had to do the dance like 3 days a month. But as he's come home and we've gotten more.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: we do more to interact with each other. And there's there's conversations that you have that you need to get things done, or you need to express your feelings about things, and where in the past I might have been like, you know. I won't

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: comment on it, or I will blow up on something that is just like this has been stored up for so long. I can't deal with it anymore. But now, because I've talked to so many coaches

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: over the last few years, I question, you know, do I really want to go down this path, or is there a way that this could be presented? That's not going to cause my husband to feel like he has to go immediately into defense mode, and then nothing gets resolved because he feels like he's being attacked.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it's kind of interesting how, when you start to shift into trying to be your authentic self. How trying to allow others to be their authentic self, too, is kind of a a new dance.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: It certainly is, and I think sometimes it can. You know, in certain situations show us where something maybe doesn't feel aligned for us anymore. For some people, you know, it's like, Wow, maybe I'm growing and evolving in a way that doesn't really match with, you know, even if it's a friendship where this friendship

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: once was, you know, and sometimes, being authentic, is just being like you were a part of my life for a reason and a season. But maybe it's time, for you know us to kind of take some separate paths.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: So it's definitely, I think it's a dance. And when it's obviously with somebody you're committed to, you know, in a marriage and a partnership. Then it's it's kind of a different navigation I think of, you know. How do you let that person be themselves while you're still being yourself and not make that you know wrong. Maybe that person isn't as introspective and doing all the self development work that you are.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: and that's their path, you know. Are you okay? With that, maybe you can find a way to kind of walk together and find some middle ground.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. And it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Yeah.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: yeah. I think it's just it's that for me. It's about that checking in with ourselves, like, you know, am I just doing something because it feels like that's you know where I thought my life was going, and I can't make a course correction, or does it still feel aligned, and maybe I just have to find a way to navigate this with this person of like. I'm exploring this side of myself, and maybe that makes that person a little uncomfortable, you know. How can we kind of find some some middle ground together.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, I think the word compromise comes to mind, but compromise in a in a positive way, not like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: sacrificing yourself to.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Right.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We. I think we get trained to believe that compromise means

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you have to be the only one making all the concessions when really compromise is about 2 people finding common ground and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and and standing on that, and letting everything else just be what it's going to be and not

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: trying to drag them over to this other side, that they don't want to go to.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Yeah. I think I think you're exactly right with the idea that compromise doesn't have to be this like one person to me. That isn't true. Compromise one person just kind of folds in on themselves and says, Okay, you can have everything that you want, and I'll just let you. You know it's kind of like. How can we make a bridge and meet somewhere in the middle of this river?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. And I think it's easy in relationships. Marriage is one. But you know, really, even like a work relationship or a child parent relationship. Where one party gets used to having

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: what we'd call the upper hand, they get their way on everything, and then the other person's thoughts and feelings don't really matter.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and if that other person is trying to come more to the middle, it it can be.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: It can be hard and.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And I know that you provide tools for helping people kind of

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: get out of that hole that they're in, or that rut that they're in and and push them more towards

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: not even push them. I guess that's not a good word, but to encourage them to move more towards self autonomy, and to to have strength in

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: in being authentic.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Often we lose that authenticity when we're we're just letting other people have their own way at our own expense.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Right? Yeah. Sometimes people don't even know, you know, if you ask them, what do you really want? Some people have folded in on themselves so much they're like, I don't know. I really don't know what I like or what I want.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Just not this.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah, this isn't working so well, but you know I don't have clarity on what it looks like for me. So some of that is just, you know, having to take time to get quiet and come, you know, into ourselves and really sit with. Maybe it's uncomfortable to ask yourself that question at times, and and being like, Wow, I really don't know what I want in this moment.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: But can that be okay to just sit with that and and allow yourself to be in the discomfort. Allow what wants to emerge, to emerge there.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And being able to make space around yourself to allow that to happen.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Because I find that many people, when they're they're in that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: people pleasing mode. It's like what they're really saying is, Oh, God, please help me. I need somebody to tell me what to do, so that I can find myself where. And so so everything keeps creeping in and on them, and it's like they have no space. They have no personal space, because they've allowed all of this other energy to invade their space.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly, and I see a lot of that kind of in the way I look at people pleasing as you know, it is from childhood conditioning. So it's kind of like, whatever your relationship was with your parents, or whoever you know, raised you like. How safe did you feel in taking up space to express your needs, you know, like, in my story, my mom was very kind of dominant in our family dynamic.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: and my dad and I didn't have as much space in for our voices, and I walked on eggshells sometimes, because I knew certain things would upset my mom, and then, when she would get upset. It was uncomfortable, and I didn't like that feeling. You know. I wasn't kind of the rebel personality where I was like, I'm going to just do whatever I want, and I don't care if it pisses my mom off. I was like, oh, she's getting mad. I don't like it, so I would go into more

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: of kind of like a fawning or a freezing type of a response. To avoid

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: her getting, upset her, getting loud and angry, and making me feel uncomfortable.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: And I think, you know, depending on your childhood. Everybody kind of had a different situation of you know, how did your parents interact with you? How did they let you express yourself or not? And how safe did it feel to, you know, be who you really were?

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Or did you have to kind of, you know. Be a good girl. Did you have to get good grades? Did you have to prove yourself in various ways rather than just being loved because you were just a child who was a child, that they loved.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I wonder what that's like.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: I don't know, but must be kind of peaceful, I would imagine, to to just receive love without that, you know. I don't know if anybody's parents are perfect, you know. I think some parents are more self-aware at this stage of the game than others where you know it's like, I'm not. I'm going to let this child just have their own personality

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: and not be like you have to fit into this mold.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To be fair.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I grew up in a time when

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: people were just trying to like get by.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Yeah. And a lot of this is totally not even conscious. And then, you know, it came from like, what did your parents experience as children, and what you know did their parents. So it's all there's this very, you know, generational patterns of, you know. If your mom was constantly silencing her voice, because that's what she learned from her mom and her mom learned it from her mom that it's just going to be a pattern like we're not

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: thinking, oh, I want to grow up and and then have children and teach them this pattern. We just do it.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: It doesn't mean you can't change exactly.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. There are definitely ways to, you know, change that. And you know it takes some work. It takes some tools and support. But you don't have to walk around with those patterns, and that's definitely a passion of mine is to help break these generational cycles, because, even though I don't have kids like. I don't want future generations to grow up with all of these.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: you know patterns that oh, I have to be quiet, and I have to be good, and I have to be nice, and I can't be who I really am in the world. I don't think that serves anyone.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Preferences.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Yeah, like it's okay, you know, if I like, you know, chocolate ice cream. And you like vanilla. That doesn't mean that. You know you're wrong. And.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Say anything about who you, or fundamental internally.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: or even green beans or macaroni and cheese, I mean, you know.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: took me a long time to get to that point where it was just like I. You know, they're not going to starve to death. They can eat whatever they want.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Right and.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And all of my kids are really good jokes.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Beautiful! What a beautiful thing!

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Is a beautiful thing, because now I don't have to cook for holidays. Just go to their house.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: I love it, and I attracted a man who loves to cook so he loves to cook more than I do. So it's like, hey? You want to do the cooking like you are more creative, and you have more enjoyment in it. Cook for me. I love it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That's awesome. I see it's it's getting rid of the traditional.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I have to do everything things.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Right.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Big one.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: I have to carry all the weight, and and I see that more as kind of a

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: a fight type of a nervous system, response of people pleasers like, I'm going to do it all myself. You can't do it right like I have to, you know, even when people offer those type of people pleasers help. It's like they're not going to accept it because they're just so in this rut of like. No, no, I have to do it all. I have to control it all too.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: That's a big one for a lot of people is, you know, you want to just have the control in your hands. I think that was some of my mom, like she liked to be in control. And the other side of that, when you're on the receiving end is not always so fun to have somebody always being like. I have to manage everything and micromanage things at times.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I think that that piece. I recognize it from myself, and I've worked really hard on this over the years. But that piece of having to do it yourself

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: comes from.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I know how much work is going to be involved if I let you do this, and you screw it up, and because you're new at it, you're going to screw it up. So it's way. More work for me to wait on you to learn how to do this than it is for me just to do it myself, which is really selfish, because you're denying this person the opportunity to learn a skill or to explore something for themselves.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Like, I said. It's taken me a long time to just be patient with it.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: 100. Yeah, I think that nails. Another thing on the head is, yeah, it can be really challenging to sit back and let somebody learn, you know, or in my experience, like growing up my mom. Often she did things she kind of told white lies to keep me happy. So you know, on one level you go. Oh, well, she just wanted her daughter to like be happy like that. That's kind of nice

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: on the flip side of that. You don't learn that life doesn't always go your way, and how you navigate your way through that is to be like, well, life doesn't always go my way like sometimes there are going to be things that I don't like, and I have to learn how to regulate myself internally.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Be okay with, you know. Sometimes people say no to me. Sometimes there's not something on a restaurant menu that I really want to eat, and I have to eat something. So I'm just gonna say, Okay, I'm going to order something, or I'm going to go hungry.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, it's being able to embrace the the consequences of the decisions you make.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You know, recognizing it's there.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So I really think that helping people overcome the people, pleasing tendencies and learning to create boundaries in their own lives

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: with themselves, often just.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Very true.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Other people. It. It changes not only

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: your personal dynamics, but the dynamics of everyone. You interact with.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yes, it changes. Yeah, your relationships. It changes your relationship with yourself as I think you're pointing to, because sometimes the person that we need to have boundaries with is ourselves, you know. Oh, I know it's not good for me to get up every morning and start my day by, you know, jumping into looking at social media and my email. And, you know, jumping into work mode before I take time for myself like, do I set a boundary for that. Yes.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: but did I always, you know, have there been times where I didn't do that?

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: No, you know it's like, Oh, it's just a habit, bad habit to grab your phone and just start doing those things without even thinking of it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: or or helping people. When we 1st got on this call, you were talking about something on your website. And I've been designing websites and setting up funnels for

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: couple decades, and I could easily do what you need to have done.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But instead of just telling you how to do it, which is my tendency. It's like, Oh, this is really easy, just

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: right, like, okay. My boundary with myself is, no, it's her experience. She's an adult. It's her website.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: She has people.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Need you to do this.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Right? Yeah. And sometimes, how often do we just, you know, volunteer ourselves and our expertise and our help and our time without, you know. Maybe that person is like, I already got it figured out. Oh, yeah, I just have to message my website gal, which I forgot to put on the list I sent her this morning. So you sent me a reminder in our conversation, and that was probably all I needed was to just be like, hey? Can you, you know, take care of this for me.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, exactly.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Personal boundaries on my part.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. And then, you know.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Or myself.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Right. So you're not, you know, helping somebody who it's like you don't necessarily need to help, and you're saving your time and your energy for things that you want to focus on and.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And and other people can do that too.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm not the only one that does that.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. How often do people just jump into like giving advice, giving, you know, helping somebody when they didn't even ask for help? Oh, that's easy. Let me just do it. You know, I can show you how to do that. And the person's like I've actually good. I got it. But thanks.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, that's the whole giving people space thing.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: And let it, and asking people sometimes before we just jump into, you know, being their their rescue, or like, well, I know how to handle that. If you don't have a solution, you know, let me know if I can help you where you're giving them the choice of like.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Huh!

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: You know. Do you want the help, or do you not? But some of that is that internal boundary like, do you have enough on your plate. Do you really need to help somebody that just offhandedly commented about something you know something about? Maybe not.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, my daughter, my youngest daughter. She's taught me so much in life, she says.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How did you put it so sometimes people just want you to commiserate with them

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and to they're going to tell you something. And the best response is, man that sucks, and that's enough.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Sometimes people just want to be heard, you know, and like witnessed, and what they're going through instead of you going into. Well, here's how you could fix that problem. And they're like, I don't necessarily like, maybe they just need to process the emotion and be seen in it, and they'll be fine. They'll come up with their own solution, you know, in a few days.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: You don't need to ride right in on your white horse and your cape and be like I've got it. I could save you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, letting let him letting them have the experience. And

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and with kids it's really hard. But as as parents, it's 1 of the greatest gifts I think we can give our kids is just to be

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: be interested, but not bossy.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Yeah. And as they get older, you know, letting them start to find their own solutions rather than you know, fixing it for them jumping into. Oh, I'm gonna rescue you from that situation. That's hard or uncomfortable, maybe just even asking like, Are you doing okay with that? Do you need my help, or you got it, you know. Like as they're getting to those ages where that's appropriate.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah, if a 5 year old's being bullied, you might probably have to step in and do something. But you know, as a kid gets older, they are going to learn how to handle things.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, and give and letting them have the experiences, I think is a lot of it.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Can't overprotect. You know, kids out of everything, too. I think that that's something a lot of parents want to do is I don't want you to have pain, you know, which is honorable on one level, but life also has pain, and we have to learn how to experience it and get through it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So how does dysregulation make

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: rest feel unsafe? And how does this lead to resistance and sabotage, and people feeling guilty about them?

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah, so.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Else.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: You know, if you have, like a dysregulated nervous system in in certain types. So I have kind of a quiz that shows you are you kind of in the fight, flight

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: fawn or freeze stage of things? But you know, when you're dysregulated, when you're kind of in a shutdown, safe state. You probably are more in a rest state, but if you're dysregulated and you feel like you have to like constantly, you know, fight or flee your way out of a situation, then it's going to feel hard to just rest and relax.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: You know, these are the type of people who at the end of the day can't shut their mind down. And just like watch TV read a book, just be in the moment because they're constantly still trying to prove something to someone.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: So it kind of comes back to that part of our conversation about the type of people who are always like trying to earn approval. I need to earn approval through my doing a good job with my work, or through helping 50 people with all their problems. And look at me. I'm such a good person.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: So it's it's kind of that type of nervous system response that can make it feel unsafe to just be like, hey? At the end of the day. Rest is also important. We need to calm down and and take time for our bodies, because otherwise, if we don't, we get sick

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: for constantly going.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And we burn out and have heart attacks and and.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah, not fun things. Autoimmune, like all sorts of things that are, you know, we don't want in our lives. So we have to learn how to let our bodies just rest, and

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: we're not wired to go, you know, 24, 7 constantly. Yet some people have a hard time just slowing down and being like, Oh, I'm just going to sit outside and watch the clouds float over me, and just

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: B.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I I actually got to experience that a couple of weeks ago, where I just laid on the ground and watched the clouds. It has been so long since I have done that.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: It's it's pretty magical. I mean, I have this memory of being on a trip on a vacation and just floating in this pool that had like a glass, you know, skylight above, and just watching the clouds just go by. And it's like such a simple memory. And yet it's like one that's so calming to me when I go back, and I just kind of float there in my mind.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Clouds.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's like a meditation all of its own.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Because you're not. And it's kind of in that being state right? And we're not controlling what the clouds are doing like. We can't change, you know, if they're going to move fast or slow, or just stay still. We're just like, Oh, wow! Look at that! And oh, that one kind of looks like, you know, whatever we see in it, and we're just in the moment.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, it's so fun.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So how do you do your coaching? Is it groups? Is it one on one? Is it a course? How does all that look.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah. So I have a couple different ways that I work with people. So I have a program, a group program that's called The embodied know which is an 8 week container, where we really dive into kind of all 4 of those pillars we work with the subconscious reprogramming. We work with nervous system regulation. We do energetic healing to kind of feel safe energetically in our bodies, and then we do embodiment practices

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: to also feel safe, like letting our voice out, letting our bodies move, instead of being kind of in these little boxes that we kind of get cramped up in.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: So that's that's 1 way, and then I also have kind of really high touch, one on one transformational work that I do, which is much more, you know, customized to the person like it includes a lot of the same things. But obviously we're meeting kind of where the we're meeting, where the person is at in that moment. Oh, what feels most appropriate, you know, this week for support? Do we need to do some energy work? Do we need to get in our bodies and like

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: dance it out. And you know, just shake. I'm not talking dance classes like where you're learning a style of dance. It's just more about like, how does your body want to just move and express and communicate.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: A lot of times animals will shake.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Very wise. They shake off right? You don't see, you know, animals with Ptsd, usually, you know, because they shake things off. That's actually we're wired to do that kind of thing. But most of us, you know, don't really do that. Something

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: happens. We're stressed out. We get traumatized, and then we're just like, don't let our bodies process it, and in their infinite wisdom.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, so how do people get in touch with you?

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: The best way is to find my website, which is heartfirehealingllc.com. And you can kind of see about those different offerings. There's a way to book a complimentary call which I call the sacred. Yes, call because you're saying yes to yourself, and we're finding out if it's aligned. So if this is speaking to you, and you kind of want to explore what that looks like. That's a great way to kind of connect with me one on one.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And you have an uncover. Your people, pleaser, survival style, quiz.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: For a second.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah. So you know, quizzes can be super fun because it gives us a little insight. So it takes literally, maybe 2 min to do this, and you'll uncover whether you're kind of in

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: the fight. Response, the flight, the freeze, the fawn, and it'll give you some really powerful insights into maybe, where that stems from in your childhood, what it would look like as you start to heal that. And then there's kind of a next step for you like. If you take that information like, what what do I do to start to shift out of that people? Pleaser response that I'm in.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Like that a lot.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: You'd be.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Maybe I'll go look for that.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah, it's it's a fun one, you know. It's kind of so many things are like, Read this guide, get my ebook. And I was like, quiz kind of just felt like, it's a fun, insightful way to learn a little bit about yourself and uncover maybe something that you didn't realize, because most of us I haven't heard a lot of people talking about kind of mapping the different people. Pleaser

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: styles onto the nervous system.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, it's it's kind of an important aspect. It our our emotions and the way that we exist

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: are so impactful on our our overall health. I think it's it's becoming more and more obvious to people.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Freeing yourself of the tendencies to

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: be in people pleaser mode, and and understanding how how you're wired to be a people pleaser also impacts, how your body feels.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Exactly. Yeah, this is one thing that we were talking about with kind of the embodied. No program, you know. Like, what does it feel like in your body when you even just think about saying no to someone like, Do you get hot? Does your stomach tie up and knots? Do your palms get all sweaty, you know. Do you want to run and hide in a corner, you know, and kind of go into that response of like fleeing and and hiding.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: and a lot of times people can't even bring themselves like it's like, Oh, I need to say this, or maybe it's not saying no, but maybe I need to tell somebody. You know this isn't working for me, or you know, I don't want to do this anymore, and you can't even get it out like you can't even communicate it, because every time you try you just freak out. And

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: again, that's not that you're broken. It's just that your nervous system is showing you, hey? I don't feel safe doing this. And why would we do something that makes us feel unsafe like? That's how we're wired is for safety and survival.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Right.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and when we get in situations where neither one of the decisions is going to be a positive one.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: makes it even worse.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah, yep. What's what's the lesser of 2 evils.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, thank you so much for joining me today, Lynn. This has been a great conversation.

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Lyn Delmastro-Thomson: Yeah, I really enjoyed our conversation as well.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To learn more about Lynn and to get the uncover. Your people. Pleaser, survival style quiz. Please visit her website at Heartfirehealing, llc.com.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: we'll be sure to put that link in the show notes below. Thank you for tuning in with us today. If you have a podcast or you're interested in starting one to get your message in front of our huge and active audience. Be sure to reach out to us at support@heartlifecoach.com. We love to help spiritual entrepreneurs and coaches, amplify their voice.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: monetize their mission, and offer a variety of ways to do this on substack, join us for our next episode as we share what others are doing to raise the global frequency. And remember, change begins with you. You have all the power to change the world, start today and get visible.