Kathryn Regganie – Empowering Women in Leadership

Hi and welcome to the You World Order.

Showcase podcast. Today we have Kathryn and how do.

You pronounce your last name Kathryn.

Regganie. Ohh great. Cause I was gonna mess that up for sure. Kathryn is the drama Dragon Master and she tames the Dragons. That may limit leadership of professional women. I'm so excited to talk to you all about this.

I did take your quiz.

As I told you earlier, I'm the fire dragon which is.

Totally appropriate I was.

Reading through it, it's just like.

Ohh man, she gets me.

I haven't even met before.

That's fantastic. Into this. This is so unique.

Well, you know, I got into it because.

I just thought it was a really interesting angle to take because.

I don't know.

If you realise or.

Not, but many high achieving women actually feel that stress, you know, on the outside, they're the tough cookies. They they've got it all together. But in the inside, sometimes they're just one drama away from absolutely losing it.

And I know I've been there myself and just watching different friends, even my clients. I came up with this drama Dragon concept to have some fun with the fact that we all have our Dragons, and once we can really understand what that what that is for you. It's a fire dragon.

Now you can start to relate more to that Dragon, make friends with that Dragon. Understand what that Dragon is there for, and then you can eventually then use that dragon for good when you notice it sort of starting to rain.

Forward you. I help women with the skills.

To help tame those.

That is really amazing how many kind of Dragons are there?

There are five Dragons right now that I've identified.

OK, OK.

Can you share them with us and?

Absolutely. And like you had said, you're the fire dragon and that was the first one I really created and that's the one that really.

You know.

That's the one who gets really fiery. They sometimes excuse my leg would get a little.

Mess with people.

Their comments aren't necessarily that friendly, and they may not even realise that they're doing it, but once they notice their friends and colleagues sort of taking a step back, going OK, we're going to.

Give her some space.

Then you know, OK, maybe the fire fiery dragon.

Is coming out.

Another dragon is the Smoke dragon, and this dragon appears when you're not taking the time for yourself that you need to regenerate and recoup. So you're feeling that really tired feeling. You're starting to get grouchy, not necessarily firing at people.

But you're a little more grouchy and your behaviour is negative. You might just, you know, just be a little more snotty than usual.

And then the.

Stoic Dragon is there, and the Stoic dragon appears when you're keeping all of the crap inside of yourself so that you don't appear vulnerable because nobody wants to appear vulnerable, right? So that's when you just sort of hide your emotions.

Your face sort of just goes blank and sometimes you find yourself running to the bathroom with the tears running down your face because you just can't hold it in anymore and you don't want to anybody else to see that. Wow, this is really happen.

Right.

Then there's the unsettled dragon.

And that dragon shows up when you've got too many ideas going at once. So it's sort of the multitasking situation, and you'll recognise this dragon when you're feeling really disconnected.

It's almost like squirrel. OK, now I'm going to go do this, and you're not really getting things done like you normally do. And you're just really frustrated.

Buy it.

And then did I I talked about the Stoic, the unsettled.

That's too many ideas at once. And then the ice Dragon shows up when you're over promising. So now you've got too many things to do, not for necessarily for yourself, but.

For other people, so the deliverables might not be the quality that you were expecting from yourself.

And you're recognising the balls start dropping left and right as you're feeling disappointed in yourself for not doing or being better.

So those are the five Dragons.

Do they are you? Is everybody like mainly one dragon type or do you like shift through dragon types cause it?

I think 11 is their main dragon type, but like for me I find myself moving through different dragon types just.

Sort of depending on.

You know what the situation is, because sometimes in life, the drama, whatever it is, whether it's, you know, your husband just decided to leave you or a parent dies or gets sick or something like that. I think it just sort of depends on the situation and how.

Strong. You are in your.

Resilience. Where those Dragons show up.

Interesting. Interesting. So how do you work with?

People when they.

When they hire you.

Well, first of all I have them take the quiz, the drama Dragon Quiz because it really helps me understand where they are.

Right now and I start to talk to them about what it is, what dragon do they want to tame and what does that look like for them right now?

And then I just take them through the process of really getting in touch with that dragon. That's really where we start is getting in touch with that dragon, learning how to tame that dragon and then learning how to.

Sort of utilise that knowledge of. Ohh I'm feeling it so now here are the steps that I need to go through in order to tame that dragon and then eventually down the process we can get you to the.

Sorry for that.

To the.

Yeah, no worries.

Sort of. The resilient Dragon sort of stoic, embodied leader that everybody is.

Very, very interesting so.

What? What other kinds of things?

Would people be?

Looking at when it comes.

To these trauma.

Drugs and how did you even come up?

With a name drama, Dragons.

I mean, that's just like.

It's cool and interesting.

Well, I was.

Actually, just talking with a friend about, you know, my programmes and I was coming up with this quiz.

And we were just.

Talking about.

You know, sort of the drama that happens in people's lives and we came up just on a whim with the name drama Dragons, and I thought it was a little bit more.

Silly and fun.

Even though when they are coming up or they're raging, they're not necessarily so silly and fun, but if we come into it with sort of a light hearted understanding that.

We all have them.

It and it's OK.

They're there for a reason. They're there to protect us. They're there to give us a message that, hey, take care of yourself.

Because you're really starting to show signs that you're not. So that's really what it was. It's just a fun way to identify I.

Love how you take it, it depersonalises.

Something that's really very personal, because the message that that I got.

Was just like.

If it if it weren't something that I.

Could set aside and, and this dragon is more like a pet.

That has a temper.

So it's not.

About me, it's about this, this pet, but it is about me.

Right, it's your pet.

I totally.

Recognise that it's my pet and I can I can react.

To it, how I choose to?

Without and I can take the message in because the overall message is really important. But you have to also be able to identify with the dangerous part of these Dragons cause Dragons. They're dangerous, and even all the.

Movies that try to make them really super.

Friendly they still.

They can still do a lot of damage.

Right, right, exactly.

To other people around you and if you're, you can look at it as just this pet on the side that you need to control to help the people around you, because this is really about the people that you interact with, it seems.

To me, yeah, I like that.

Yeah, it's not only about the people that you're interacting with, but as you're interacting with them in a way that isn't necessarily congruent with who you are, it also effects you on.

A deeper level.

And if you're not willing to recognise that Dragon as it's.

Sort of poking its head out.

Then you're really not taking care of yourself.

And if you're not taking care of yourself, you're not taking care of those other relationships or other factors in your.

Life like your.

Job or your relationship with your family and spouse, or your relationship with your coworkers and your boss. Those are all really, really important relationships and a lot of times we focus on them.

More than we focus on us and I thought with the drama Dragons it could really help us realise, oh, these Dragons are really sort of showing us our emotions.

How are we really feeling? And if we can get in touch with that, how are we really feeling? Then we can learn again. Like I said before, to tame those Dragons.

Or just recognise. Gosh, you know what? I'm not gonna stay late for this meeting because I just can't. I've got too many things to do at home, and then you can start creating those boundaries that maybe you hadn't set before, or you did set. But you've let them go and you can just sort.

Start teaching people again how to treat you in a better.

Healthier way for your selfish reasons but and again. Then again, it's not necessarily just selfish reasons. It's because you want to keep and maintain the integrity that you've already created.

Absolutely. Boundaries are kind of a new thing. Well, they're a new thing to me, and by new, I mean like maybe six or seven years old.

Before I go I kind of recognise that if you don't have your own personal boundaries, you're more likely to run.

Over other people's boundaries.

Because you don't.

Recognise them and it boundaries make it possible to interact with people on a.

On a level that makes everybody comfortable because they're getting interacted with in the way that makes them comfortable, and then you can establish how you wish to have the relationship go. And it's not about being mean. It's just about this is.

This is what aligns with me and when we start going off in the weeds over here.

Or you start.

Letting your Dragons attack me.

I'm gonna let.

My dragon go too.

Right, exactly. Exactly. And you know, those boundaries are something, especially women. You know, our boundaries, our borders sort of get crossed all the time because we need to make sure that we're accommodating other people. And that's what society has taught us.

But sometimes, if, like you're invited to a party.

And you know how some people will say oh.

I don't know. I might go.

Well, why not just say you're not going because you've?

Got other things, other appointments?

Right.

You don't have to tell them why.

Yeah. No, that's a perfectly.

Ohh my gosh, I'm just not available.

Acceptable answer people, women, especially, are they're afraid to make a commitment one way or the other. And they say they say maybe. Well, maybe it's just a no without taking responsibility for the.

Ohh makes it just say no, it helps.

Everybody that's around you. You know, if you're.

Get invited to a party and you say.

Maybe that doesn't help the person you're talking to.

Right. They're gonna plan.

They're for you to be there because you said maybe. And so they get their hopes up for something that's.

Not gonna happen. And they're spending money. It cost the other person money and time and other commitments. If you say maybe because they're just waiting around for you to make a decision.

Right.

Yeah, if there's.

One thing that.

I could really encourage.

People to do is learn how to make a decision.

Yeah. And it's really interesting you bring that up because I had a client.

Couple of years ago and it was around Christmas time and you know, her mother in law and her sister in law would come for the holidays and then she'd go see her mother and this particular year, things were going to get a little bit.

Shifted and she was feeling really frustrated because.

She was waiting.

To hear from her sister in law about what they were going to.

Do and so I just started asking what would work for you, you know?

So what she told me, you know, it would be really nice if this were.

The way it happened, I said.

So why don't you call your sister in law and see if that works for her?

And she's like.

Oh my gosh, that's a great idea. She called her sister in law and it worked. Everything was just fine.

She was getting just herself just so worked up because she didn't know what her sister in law wanted. Well, I'm sure her sister in law would have been fine.

Because when you're making plans, you're just making plans.

So why not just let it be known what you need?

Right.

And it worked out fabulously.

And it keeps the problem of.

Irritation, I guess is one way to put it, but when you're when you're trying to make plans with somebody and they're like, well, we'll just see how it goes, we'll wing it and then they get.

Mad at you?

Because you didn't magically read their mind.

It's just like.

Where do you go from there, right?

To help you make plans.

And I I tried to read your mind but.

In the end, if you won't tell me, then we're just going to.

Do it my way because.

I'm going to do what's.

Convenient for me if it.

Doesn't matter to you.

Exactly. And then if they do get upset or if you get upset because things aren't going the way you want them to, you know there's a communication gap there. Why not? Why not have that conversation?

You know, Jill, I think that's a really great idea that we do that, but I'm not sure that Monday is a good day. Can we do it Tuesday?

Exactly. And if you can.

That's a conversation. It's a communication.

Have the conversation and you need to depend on that other person to say yeah, Tuesday would be fine. So then you can make a plan instead of well.

We'll see.

Yes, it's like, well, we'll.

See, it's going to turn into something that you don't want.

Because again, I'm going to tell what I want.

Exactly. And I find myself.

Too if people are I'm trying to make plans with people and they just aren't getting back, they aren't getting back. They aren't getting back. I just leave it.

I may call once or twice and say hey, let me know what you think. If I don't hear anything.

I just let it go.

I'm. I'm done chasing you if you don't.

Want to do it? That's.

Fine, I'm good.

But I could choose to get upset and wonder why they're not participating in this, but.

You know, I just choose not to.

And it doesn't.

Do you any good? I mean, you can steal about.

It you can.

Run it through your mind about all the scenarios.

But when you get sucked into that trap and.

It's totally a trap.

You're the only one suffering because they.

Don't care that.

It just like it's not in their conscious consciousness, right?

It's the weirdest thing I.

Have this dilemma with one of my offspring.

She's always crosswords with me. Just like it's not.

It's not like I'm doing this intentionally, I'm trying.

To work this.

Out with you but.

But you don't have boundaries and you.

Don't know how to make a decision.

Right, right. And that's really hard for a lot of people. And it's really interesting that you are talking about making that a decision because it is hard for people because you know, we're so concerned about what other people are going to say and what they're going to think and.

You know.

Just decide for yourself what is going to work for you.

It doesn't matter what other people think.

Right.

You know, I I was talking to a girl the other day and she's like.

She's another person who's really.

She's out on the edge. I I'm kind of out on the edge myself and.

I grew up.

Being labelled bossy, and I reframe that I'm not bossy, I'm just overly helpful and now I charge people for my help.

So they get the result that they wanted.

And it's actually pulled me back.

A little bit, but she.

Her point was that.

She's a White House and she is just gonna shine as bright as she can.

So that the people that.

Are meant to come.

To her shore.

Can find her and the people that are put off by it know exactly where.

Right.

Well, exactly. Exactly. And you know, that's a really interesting point you're talking about. You know, the beacon, you know, the lighthouse, the beacon, so that people can be.

Attracted to her.

But you know.

When you're talking about the growth model too, or I'm, I'm sorry, decision making.

Part I have.

This concept that I created not that long ago called the growth.

Model to sort of help not only just regular people, but those people in the lighthouse and the growth model is grounding into your body when you need to make a decision.

You got to be here. You got to.

Be in this.

Vessel so that you can really ground or really feel.

Into whatever decision it is that you're going to be making, and then you've got to recognise that it is your decision and nobody else is decision and then you have to own that.

Then you have.

To be willing to make the decision and then take action on that decision and then honour yourself for that decision. So when you are making a decision.

You know the big hard ones? This is the model.

I realise that I have to do for myself. You know, I really have.

To ground myself, not get up here.

Airy fairy because then I'm all over the place. But if I can.

Do this growth model.

Grounding into my body, recognising it's my decision owning that being.

Willing to take the action, take action and then honouring myself.

It's such a huge benefit and this is a great model for even when you're working with your Dragons.

Absolutely. It's so easy to get trapped.

In your head.

And not pay attention to what your body is telling you.

I'm sorry.

But something backgrounded. Yeah, my background's falling.

I love that.

The sky is falling, the sky is falling.

Yeah, I didn't even know it was a virtual background.

That is totally cool. It's beautiful background.

Oh, thank you.

For the listeners out there, but then.

Yeah. Then she stuck.

Her hand behind her head and.

That's the Dragon Slayer back there.

OK. Thanks for protecting us.

Unusual boundaries.

Yeah, exactly.

So tell people about this.

The drama dragon.

Quiz I took it. I loved it.

How did they get involved in that?

Yeah, it's. If you go to the URL drama dragonquiz.com, that's where you can take the quiz.

It's a 2 minute quiz. It asks you several different questions and then based on those questions it gives you the type of dragon you are.

And it also talks about the type of leader you are as well, because we're all leaders and the Dragons sort of connect themselves with the specific kind of leaders.

And then once you know those things, it's just easier to, you know, Createspace to come to terms and.

Tame those Dragons.

And like I said, I.

Was so the quiz took me like 30 seconds. I mean, seriously, it's really fast.

And I was thinking like this can't.

Possibly be very accurate.

But it was spot on. I.

Was all good.

And it wasn't like, you know, you just click the top one all the way across.

I I picked it was accurate and I picked the one that I felt without too much thought. Just, you know, my initial gut reaction to.

When I completed it and then then when I.

Got the print out it was.

Just like, oh, that's.

That's amazing. And I do recognise that I.

I tend to become real so and so when I'm.

When I'm stressed or when I feel like people aren't pulling their weight, it's kind of my knee jerk reaction and I did recognise that early on and I I've had to curb it and it and it comes in once somebody's kind of a getter done.

Always called myself to get her done, gal. Because you know I make a decision and I take action immediately.

It may be messy, it may be all over the place, but I'm going to get to my goal because I'll just keep ploughing through.

And if I've got a team or people that I am depending on, it's really.

Hard for me to.

Not expect them to have the same commitment.

That I have.

That over the years I've recognised.

That, you know, other people have other priorities in their life, and I need.

To respect that.

That's one of those boundaries things. My priorities are not their priorities, and I need to treat them respectfully and honour.

Right.

Their priorities to not just expect everybody to come along and do whatever I want to do.

And the fact that.

You're aware of that? I mean, that's.

A huge thing, a lot of us, you know, like you said, you had to become aware of that early on.

You didn't ever become aware of that. Then people would just think you're a fiery dragon.

All the time.

With no ramifications. But now that you're aware of it and you feel that fire come up, you can ground into it and say OK.

I need to change something about this situation for me.

And the sensitive part I will stand up and lead the charge, but it doesn't mean I'm not scared and it doesn't mean that I'm not sensitive to other people. And when people like attack me, it's.

Deeply painful.

It's another awareness thing. It's like and you have to think about who's attacking you and how much do you value their opinion.

Right.

And you and which drama dragon are they?

Only take me.

Yeah, yeah, that's another good point. I I will start looking at, you know, which Drama Dragon are they?

What are they struggling with? Cause they're attacking me in this way?

Yes, and a lot of times when people attack you.

It really isn't personal, it really is.

You know something they're going through and you just happen to be there.

At the right time.

Yeah, self preservation, we're all about.

It really does start with each of us individually. I believe everybody's gifted and they have something to share, but they also have struggles and a past and trauma and everybody's working through something be nice I.

Love that, that's.

Exactly. Be nice. And if they do hurt your feelings, you know, coming back to them with how are you today? You know, just something simple like that. What's going on? This isn't the way you normally.

The act.

How can I help?

People will really get taken back by that, but if it's somebody you know that really doesn't treat you terribly all the time. But you're noticing that. Hmm, they're drama Dragons are coming out. Better make them aware of it nicely.

Yeah, yeah.

With compassion.

And keep your drama dragon in check exactly.

Cut your dragon, feed it.

Put it to bed, take a nap.

Just like you would your kids or your pets.

I I love this.

So what's the one thing that you want the audience to take away from our?

Call today or message today.

What message do you want them to take away from this?

This session, you know, I really want everybody to come away with the fact we've all got the drama Dragons.

Like all over the place.

Those are our emotions. Those are our unchecked things that we really need to be aware of. And the more that we can be aware of them, the better we can deal with them and the more.

Resilient, we become as ourselves and as leaders for those around.

Us so get to.

Know your Dragons. Go ahead and go to dramadragonquiz.com and see which dragon you are. I'd love to hear from you.

That is awesome. Did you want to?

Leave your website link as well.

Or would you?

Sure, my website isenergy-pathways.com. I'll make sure to get that to you, Jill. And you can put that in the show.

Notes and.

We'll definitely do that, Kathryn. It has been an honour having you on the show today and chatting about the drama Dragons and I really can't wait to see where.

All of this goes for you.

Me too. Thanks for having me, Jill. I so much appreciate this.